Apostrophe (')

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots 'n around my toe
Frost had bit the ground below
Was a hundred degrees below zero
And my momma cried
Boo-a-hoo hoo-ooo
And my momma cried
Nanook-a, no no (no no)
Nanook-a, no no (no no)
Don't be a naughty Eskimo-wo-oh
Save your money, don't go to the show

Well I turned around an' I said, Ho ho
Well I turned around an' I said, Ho ho
Well I turned around
An' I said, Ho ho
An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow
An' she said
With a tear in her eye . . .

Watch out where the huskies go
An' don't you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go
An' don't you eat that yellow snow

Well right about that time, people
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictly Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
(Peek-a-boo)
And he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe . . . I said . . .

With a lead
(Lead)
Filled
(Lead-filled)
A lead-filled snow shoe
(Snow shoe)
He said Peak-a-boo
(Peak-a-boo)

With a lead
(Lead)
Filled
(Lead-filled)
With a lead-filled snow shoe
(Snow shoe)
He said Peak-a-boo
(Peek-a-boo)

He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal
He went WHAP!
With a lead-filled snow shoe
An' he hit him on the nose 'n he hit him on the fin 'n he . . .

That got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be
So I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly
(Yellow Snow)
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go

Whereupon I proceeded to take that mitten full
Of the deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
And rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the people in this area
But destined to take the place of The Mud Shark
In your mythology
Here it goes now
The Circular Motion . . . (rub it) . . .

(Here Fido . . . Here Fido)

And then, in a fit of anger, I . . .
I pounced
And I pounced again
Great Googly-Moogly!
I jumped up 'n down on the chest of the . . .
I injured the fur trapper

Well, he was very upset, as you can understand
And rightly so because
The deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
Had deprived him of his sight
And he stood up
And he looked around
And he said . . .

I can't see
(Do . . . do do-do do do do . . . Yeah!)
I can't see
(Do . . . do do-do do do do . . . Yeah!)
Oh woe is me
(Do . . . do do-do do do do . . . Yeah!)
I can't see
(Do . . . do do-do do do do . . . Well!)
No no
I can't see
No . . . I . . .

He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
An' I can't see
Temporarily

Well the fur trapper
Stood there
With his arms outstretched
Across the frozen white wasteland
Trying to figure out what he's gonna do
About his deflicted eyes
And it was at that precise moment that he remembered
An ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
The only way you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudgin' across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudgin' across the tundra
Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo

Yes indeed, here we are!

At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
And said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!)
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene

Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo

Get on your feet an' do the funky Alfonzo!

Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
'Cause the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked, yes
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked
(He stroked it)
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked his
Sma-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ahhhhh
(Stroked his smock)
Which set him off in such a frenzy
He sang Lock Around The Crock
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
Woo woo woo
Woo woo woo
Woo woo woo
As he stumbled on his ____
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
He shouted down the block

Dominus Vo-bisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu, oh!
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo

They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite

They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town

Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo

Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes

(Ha ha ha ha!)

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said, "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said, "You might not believe this, little fella
But it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said . . .

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste yer time . . . )

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!," he said
An' held it to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around, I said
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just gone down"

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know
You could make more money as a butcher
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste it, don't waste your time on me)
(Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm shonty-ohm)
Ssshontay . . .

The clouds are really cheap
The way I seen 'em thru the ports
Of which there is a half-a-dozen
On the base of my resorz
You wouldn't think I'd have too many
Since I never cared for sports
But I'm never really lonely
In my Excentrifugal Forz

There's always Korla Plankton
Him 'n me can play the blues
An' then I'll watch him buff that
Tiny ruby that he use
He'll straighten up his turban
An' eject a little ooze
Along a one-celled Hammond Organism
Underneath my shoes

An' then I'll call Pup Tentacle
I'll ask him how's his chin
I'll find out how the future is
Because that's where he's been
His little feet got long 'n flexible
An' suckers fell right in
The time he crossed the line
From later on to way back when

 

Wo, are we movin' too slow?
Have you seen us
Uncle Remus
We look pretty sharp in these clothes (yes, we do)
Unless we get sprayed with a hose

It ain't bad in the day
If they squirt it your way
'Cept in the winter, when it's froze
An' it's hard if it hits
On yer nose
(On yer nose)

Just keep yer nose
To the grindstone, they say
Will that redeem us
Uncle Remus
I can't wait till my Fro is full-grown
I'll just throw 'way my Doo-Rag at home

I'll take a drive to
Beverly Hills
Just before dawn
An' knock the little jockeys
Off the rich people's lawn
An' before they get up
I'll be gone, I'll be gone
Before they get up
I'll be knocking the jockeys off the lawn
Down in the dew

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people
It's right aroun' the corner!)

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases, mmm . . .

This has to be the disease for you
Now scientists call this disease Bromidrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
Stink Foot

Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girlfriend cry
"You got stink foot!
Stink foot, darlin'
Your stink foot puts a hurt on my nose!
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"

Here Fido . . . Fido . . .
C'mere little puppy . . . bring the slippers
"Arf, arf, arf!"
(crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump)
Heh heh heh . . . sick . . .

Well then Fido got up off the floor an' he rolled over
An' he looked me straight in the eye
An' you know what he said?

Once upon a time
Somebody say to me
(This is a dog talkin' now)
What is your Conceptual Continuity?
Well, I told him right then
(Fido said)
It should be easy to see
The crux of the biscuit
Is the Apostrophe (')

Well, you know
The man who was talkin' to the dog
Looked at the dog an' he said
(sort of staring in disbelief)

"You can't say that!"
He said
"It doesn't, 'n you can't!
I won't, 'n it don't!
It hasn't, it isn't, it even ain't
'N it shouldn't . . .
It couldn't!"

He told me, "No no no!"
I told him, "Yes yes yes!"
I said, "I do it all the time
Ain't this boogie a mess!"

The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle bites)
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle bites)
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle bites)
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle bites)
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites