Ooh!
La-la la-la-la la-ra-la-la la-la-la
La-la la-la-la la-ra-la-la la-laaaah!
Mark: Aynsley Dunbar!
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
Hoopla!
Oink! Oink!
La la la la . . .
Ah!
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-yaMud Shark . . .
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya
Ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya ya-ya-ya
La la-la la-la-la
La-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la
La-la la-la la-la-la-la la-la la-la . . .
FZ: That's right, you heard right, the secret word for tonight is Mud Shark! And of course with the Mud Shark Secret Word is the Mud Shark Arpeggio . . . a marvellous little arpeggio, and now the mating call of the adult male Mud Shark . . .
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: The Mud Shark Dancing Lesson!
Mud Sh-sh-shark
Mark: Wait a minute. We're gonna do a little dancing—a little dancing thing called the Mud Shark. Now, this dance started up in Seattle.
Howard: Yes . . .
Mark: The story . . .
FZ: Lemme tell you the story 'bout the Mud Shark . . .
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: Bring the band on down behind me, boys.
MarkHoward: Say! Good God! Ain't it funky! Say!
FZ: The origins of the Mud Shark are as follows . . .
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: There's a motel in Seattle, Washington, called the Edge Water Edgewater Inn. The Edge Water Edgewater Inn is built out on a pier, so that means that when you look out your window you don't see any dirt. It's a— got a bay or something out in your backyard.
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: And to make it even more interesting, in the lobby of the aforementioned motel there's a bait and tackle shop where the residents can go down and, whenever they want to, and rent a fishing pole and some preserved minnows and schlep back up to their rooms, open the window, stick their little pole outside and within a few minutes actually catch a fish of some sort that they can bring into their motel room and do whatever they want with it, you know what I mean?
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: Now in this bay there's quite a variety of . . . fish!
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: Not only do they have mud sharks up there, they got little octopusses that you can catch.
Fish!
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: And all of these denizens of the deep can come in real handy.
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: Let's say you were a travelling Rock and Roll rock & roll band called The Vanilla Fudge. Let's say one night you checked into the Edge Water Edgewater Inn Motel with a an 8mm movie camera . . .
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: Enough money to rent a pole, and just to make it more interesting . . .
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: A succulent young lady!
Howard: Nooo! (Mnaaaah!)
FZ: With a taste for the bizarre . . .
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: My mind drifts back to a meeting, a chance meeting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport . . .
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: Where the members of The Vanilla Fudge told Don Preston about a home movie they made at the Edge Water Edgewater Inn with a mud shark!
Mud Sh-sh-shark
FZ: And I'm gonna tell you, this dance, the Mud Shark, is sweeping the ocean!
Hey! Mud Sh-sh-shark
Mark: Ah, we're goin'! Go 'head! Ah, we're goin'! Now we're gonna go out, somehow! Come one!
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark, baby
FZ: I'll Now show 'em what to they do with the Mud Shark!
Out
You go out
FZ: I'll Now show 'em what to they do with the Mud Shark!
So far out
(Look out!)
You do the Mud Shark, baby
FZ: Hey!
Out
You go out
FZ: Catch the Mud Shark!
So far out
You Do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
Do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
Do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
Do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
Do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
Do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
Do the Mud Shark, baby
Out
You go out
So far out
Do the Mud Shark, baby
Howard:
What's a girl like you
Doin' in a place like this?
Mark:
I left my place after midnight
And I came to this hall
Me and my girlfriend, we came here
Looking to ball
Howard:
You came to the right place
This is it
This is the swingin'-est place in New York City
Group:
No shit!
Mark:
How true it that is?!
Howard:
Oh, how true indeed
Mark:
Yeah, me and my, me and my girlfriend, we come here every Friday 'n Saturday night
Looking for that hot romance we need
We like to get it on
Do you like to get it on too?
Howard:
Well now, what did do did you have in mind?
Mark:
Okay,Well, I'll tell ya
Well I get off bein' juked with a baby octopus
And spewed upon with cream creamed corn! AAH . . . UNH!
And My girlfriend, she digs it with a hot YOO-HOO Yoo-hoo bottle
While somebody's screamin'
"Corks & Safeties!
Pigs & Donkeys!
Alice Cooper," 'S GONNA GOTTA BE, baby
WHOOOAAaaah!
HowardBob:
Well, it gets me so hot I could can scream
Group:
Alice Cooper
Alice Cooper
Howard:
Wow!
Group:
Alice Cooper
Alice Cooper
Howard:
Wow! You two chicks sound real far aout and groovy
Ever been to a Holiday Inn?
Ah hah hah hah hah hah hah Mna-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa . . .
Magic Fingers in the bed
(Picture it!)
Wall-mounted TV screens
Coffee-WHost plugged into the bathroom wall
Formica's really keen!
Group:
What kind of girl?
What kind of girl
Do you think we are?
What kind of girl?
(What kind of girl?)
What kind of girl
Do you think we are?
(I ain't no groupie)
Don't call us groupies
That is going too far
(What kind of girl?)
We wouldn't ball you
Just because you're a star
FZ:
These girls wouldn't let just anybody
Spew on their vital parts
They want a guy from a group
With a big hit single in the charts!
Howard:
Funny you should mention it
Our new single just made the charts this week
With a bullet
With a bullet
Just let me put a little more
Rancid Budweiser on my beard right now, baby
And you can show me how
A young girl such as you might be
Thrilled and overwhelmed by me, ho-ho . . .
Mark:
What hotel did you say you are were staying at?
Howard:
Wanna split right away?
Mark:
Not so fast, you silly boy
There's one thing I gotta say
Group:
We want a guy from a group
Who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group
Who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group
Who's got a thing in the charts
We want a guy from a group
Who's got a thing in the charts
Group:
And if his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
We They will give him our their hearts
Howard: Hold it! Please hold it! My God, Madge, you voluptuous New York City slit, why didn't you tell me before? It was so hard to tell with your little blousey-poo on, but now that I see you I would have helped. I didn't know you were so obviously . . . pregnant . . .
Howard:
I've got the thing you need
I am endowed beyound beyond your wildest
Clearasil-spattered fantasies, oh oh oh..
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah . . .
Group:
Girls from all over the world
Love Flock to write my name on the toilet walls
At Of the Whisky à Go-Go
For I am Bwana Dik
I am Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik
Yo! Me Bwana Dik
Say!
Howard:
My dick is a monster
Give me your heart
Group:
Bwana Dik is electrica legend
Enormous thou art
Howard:
My dick is a Harley
You kick it to start
Group:
When Bwana Dik speaks
The heavens will part
Howard:
My dick is a dagger
I'll force it to fit
My dick is a reamer, baby
To scream up your slit
Group:
Steam it!
Ream it!
Cream it!
Group:
Mud Shark
Mud Shark
Howard:
You could can hear the steam, baby
You could can hear the screaming steam right now
As the reamer steams up the lake
Reenie weenie up to the snake
Group:
Acetylene Nirvana
HaemorrhoidsHemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids hemorrhoids, baby
Acetylene Nirvana
HaemorrhoidsHemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids hemorrhoids, baby
Steam roller
Steam roller
Howard:
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids hemorrhoids, baby
Group:
Steam roller
Steam roller
Howard:
I'm talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids hemorrhoids, baby
Now Not now, girl
Group:
Acetylene Nirvana
HaemorrhoidsHemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids hemorrhoids, baby
Acetylene Nirvana
HaemorrhoidsHemorrhoids
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids hemorrhoids, baby
Howard:
I need somebody to . . .
Group:
Help me!
Help me!
Help me!
Help me!
Help me!
Help me!
Help me!
Hear the steam
See the steam
Hear the steam
Hear Heal the stcreaming
Hot black scrteaming
Iridescent Naugahyde
Python's gleamingPython steaming
Steam roller
Group:
Mud Shark
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence
Of the Latex Solar Beef
All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence
Of the Latex Solar Beef
Steam roller
Steam roller
Howard:
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids hemorrhoids, baby
Group:
Steam roller
Steam roller
Howard:
Talkin' 'bout your haemorrhoids hemorrhoids, mama
Do it Miles DavisGoin' filesGooey piles, baby!
Mark: I mean really . . . Howard: Rant-rant-rant-rt-rt-rt-rant-nt . . . Mark: You are . . . You gotta tell me something—I mean, seriously, I'm tellin' you, this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I have ever met anybody really bluey really from Hollywood. I mean, really my girlfriend Jim and Ian and, Aynsley and Bob and Frank—I mean, none of us, we've never . . .
Howard: Pleased to meet you.
Ian: Hi, Howie.
Mark: We've never met a pop star from Hollywood. Tell me something: have you ever met Davey Davy Jones or . . .
Howard: No . . .
Mark: Or Bobby Sherman?
Howard: No, I . . .
Mark: I mean, David Cassaidy, he's so . . .
Howard: No. Jimmy Greenspoon, and once I . . .
Mark: Three Dog Night?
Howard: Yeah.
Mark: Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band! oOh, God. Oh, do you like my new car? wh gawd I'm ah.. My dad just gave it to me for graduation.
Howard: AOh, yeah! I'tsIt's a, it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic, ah . . . I, I dig the fins. Listen, do you know how to get to the, ah, Hollywood Holiday Inn from here?
Mark: No, ah, which one is it?
Howard: (Burp) Excuse me. It's, it's, it's the one by the airport, you know, 'cause we gotta— We gotta get up early an' fly outta here in the morning, you know?
Mark: Oh! Oh, I didn't know that.
?: Oh, yeah!
Mark: Where, where d'you guys play tomorrow night? I mean— I'd like to come maybe in your bus or something.
Howard: Yeah?
?: In the bus!
Howard: Come in the bus, huh? Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see, Tierra del Fuego . . .
Mark: Ook! Oh! You're so professional, Howie!
Howard: Oh, it's not . . .
Mark: Howie, I mean . . .
Howard: It's nothing . . .
Mark: I mean the way you're gettin' tp-tp to p— to play ain all these exotic places, I mean . . .
Howard: Yeah.
Mark: Tell me something, tell me and all my girl— Tell me, do you really have a hit record on the charts now with a bullet? I mean that's really important to me.
Howard: Listen, honey, would I lie to you just to get in your pants?
Mark: He-Hey! Listen!
Jim: Hey, hey . . .
Mark: Hey, listen to me, tellin' yatell him, we are not groupies!
Howard: NawNo, I never, I never said that. . .
Mark: We're not groupies! You better understand—that!I told Robert PlanetPlant it, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys . . .
Howard: Robert Planet?
Mark: We are not groupies!
Howard: No, I never . . .
Mark: Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!
Howard: Yaw.. No, I never— I— it's Obvious to see why— Listen, I've never . . .
Mark: And my . . .
Jim: HowieHoward . . .
Mark: Tell him! Tell him right now!
Jim: We only like musicians for f-friends, you know?
FZ: Real straight arrow, Howie.
Mark: Really, just for friends, Howie.
Jim: But we still like you.
FZ: Yeah, we wouldn't mind coming in your bus , but..though.
Jim: I mean, we still want to hear your record.
Howard: Listen you chicks, now didn't, didn't you just say that you got off bein' juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon with cream creamed corn, an' that your hair-lippedharelipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on the backseat had to have it with a YOO-HOO Yoo-hoo bottle or she went apeshit?
Mark: Ooooh . . .
Howard: What's the deal, baby?
Mark: Howie!
Howard: Come on . . .
Mark: Howie, listen yo to me, all that's true . . .
Howard: Come across, like, you know?
Mark: I swear, all that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Doctor Dr. Brown's Cream Soda or a CEL-RAYCel-Ray! But we are not groupies! No matter what you think . . .
Howard: No, I never . . .
Mark: We are not groupies.
Howard: You see, there seems to be some kind of a communications problem, honey, because I, I am I'm a lonely guy from outta town, you know, an' . . . an' I, I want some action. What, what I'm talkin' about is, I wanna a-a steaming, succulent, ever-widening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with a, with—how shall I put this? What say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin and get our rocks off?
Mark: Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Jesus!
FZ: Very agile, Howie, very agile!
Mark: I'm in this band, man, I am in this band no matter what we do up here, it's allyou know . . . Now listen, it just so happens . . .
Howard: Yeah.
Mark: Tonight me and my girlfriends, I mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight . . .
Howard: Yeah?
Mark: Looking for a guy. And we're looking for a guy from a group.
Howard: Wow!
Mark: But he's gotta have a dick!
Howard: WAAAHNo!
Mark: And he's gotta have a dick that's a monster!
Howard: Waaah! . . . That's me! That's me! Oh! Oh, you voluptuous Manhattan Island clit . . .
FZ: I swear he was a Manhattan Island.
Howard: Take me, I'm yours, you hole, fulfil fulfill my wildest dreams!
Mark: Oh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive pop star of a man . . .
Howard: Yeah?
Mark: Picture this if you can . . .
Howard: Oh . . .
Mark: Bead jobs!
Howard: NoOh!
Mark: Knotted nylons!
Howard: NoOh!
Mark: Bamboo canes!
Howard: NoOh!
Mark: Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young fighting in at the dressing room of the Fillmore East!
Howard: NoOh!
Mark: Why, 'n Wild One enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook shoved up and down in between a donkey's legs until he can't stand it anymoreno more! All this and more, Howie, including an electric coolde cooled pony harness, with fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . . fuel injection . . .
Howard: Oh, my God, I . . . I . . . I can't stand it! I mean, I mean, do you understand the implications of what I'm saying? I, I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! GET Feet on fire! OH NO!! . . . Oh my god . . . I'm going home! I'm gonna I gotta see my baby! I GONNA . . . SO HOT[...] so bad! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't— Oh! Oh no! . . . Oh, my God! . . . I can't stand it. Oh, I really can't stand it. Please, give it to me, give it to me right here in the trunk of your Gremlin, give me, give me the enchilada with the pickleS sauce SHOVED UP BETWEEN A SHOCKED shoved up and down the donkey's ass until he can't come anymore!
Mark: Hey-hey! haha! Not until you sing me your big hit record! And I want to wanna hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now, an' I wanna hear the big hit record now with a the bullet! With a the bullet!
Howard: The bullet?
Mark: The bullet! The bullet! It's the part that gets me the hottest! hehe!.. Now sing me that record, and I wanna hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy.
Howard: Well, I know when I'm licked all over. Okay, baby! Bend over and spread 'em! Here comes my bullet!
Howard: Say!
Imagine me and you
I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight
So happy together
If I should call you up
(Call you up)
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
(Ease my mind)
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world would could be
(Very fine)
So very fine
So happy together
Mark: Just like a big rock show, if you want to everybody sing along!
I can't see me
Lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby, the skies will be blue
For all my life
Mark: Everybody sing along like a big rock show, come on!
Babababababababababababababa . . .Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Mark & Howard: One more time!
Babababababababababababababa . . .Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Pa pa pa pa
FZ: We'd like to thank you very much for comin' coming to our concert tonight. I know that ah (uh-hum) in a way it's sad that Bill Graham is closin' closing down the Fillmore, but ah, I'm sure he'll get into somethin' something better . . . It's been lovely, workin' working for you this evenin'evening, good night . . .
Good night . . .
(Good night, good night . . . )
Good night, boys and girls!
(Good night, good night . . . )
Good night, good night, boys and girls!
Good . . . night . . .
Good night, boys and girls!
OoohWow!
The writings writing's on the wall
You say there's 'Cause there was nothing I can could say there is nothin' that can touch
The car that She took the car and drove away
And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own
That's when the I said my tears began to fall
Cryin' I've 'Cause I ain't got no love at all
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down the my churchshirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby drove away
Tears began to fall
And tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
And tears began to fall
Ay ay ay aaaah . . .
Ay ay ay aaaah . . .
Ay-ay ay ay-ay aaaah . . .
Ay-ay ay ay-ay aaaah . . .
And now I'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own
Without no love of my own
Without no love of my own
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Now!
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down the my churchshirt
'Cause I feel so hurt
Since my baby drove away
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wahTears began to fall
(Tears began to fall)
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wahTears began to fall
(Tears began to fall)
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wahTears began to fall
(Tears began to fall again)
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wahTears began to fall
(Tears began to fall)
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-waaah . . .