Apostrophe (') 50th Anniversary Edition

 

 

 

I'll take a drive to
Beverly Hills
Just before dawn
An' knock the little jockeys
Off the rich people's lawn
An' before they get up
I'll be gone, I'll be gone
Before they get up
I'll be gone, I'll be gone
Before they get up
I'll be knocking the jockeys off the lawn
Down in the dew

FZ: Howdy, folks. All right, folks. Here we go. I'd Like to introduce the members of our rocking teen-age combo to you at this time. Right here, Bruce Fowler on trombone. Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals. Ruth Underwood on vibes, marimba, bongobongos, timpani, bass drum, big gong, and little gong. On drums, Chester Thompson. On drums, Ralph Humphrey. On bass, Tom Fowler. On guitar and pajamas, Jeff Simmons. On keyboards, George Duke. All right, we're gonna open up with a song called "Village Of The Sun," which winds wends its way into another song called "Excentrifugal Forz," and then makes its way into another song called "Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?" And then goes crazy somewhere at the end. Ready? One, two, three, four!

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It'll take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how the people stand it
But I guess they do
'Cause they're all still there
In their thermal underwear
In the Village of the Sun
Oh, the Village of the Sun
Oh, the Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you
Ooh, well!

Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too, now
Where Palmdale Boulevard
Cuts on through
Past the Village Inn, well, & Barbecue now, yeah
I heard it ain't there
Well I hope it ain't true
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?

[...]Mary

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It'll take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how y'all people stand it
But I guess y'all do
'Cause they're all still there
In their thermal underwear
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you
Ruthie poo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Ruthie poo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Ruthie poo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Ruthie poo . . .

 

Ladies and gentlemen
Watch Ruth
All through our program
Ruth has been saying,
"Why doesn't Bob
Make the feedback go away
Just like Brian would in the same spot"

[...]

Don't tell me no, Babbette
Don't you tear my dream
Don't you break my heart
Darling, we could share a love so fine
Please, Babbette
Won't you be mine

Well . . .
Don't tell me no, Babbette
Can't you see that I
Don't wanna make you cry
You're the only one like this before
Please, Babbette, it's you I adore!
(You I adore!)

Oh, how I want you
I really really want you
I need your love to guide my way
Oh, I need you
I really really need you
Come on, girl
Don't try to bark
And I'll take you to the park

Don't tell me/[...]
No, Babbette
Nice little puppy dog
Don't you tear my dream
Don't you break my heart
Ooh . . .
(We could share a love)
Mmm . . .
(We could share a love)
We could share a love
(We could share a love)
Well . . .
(We could share a love)
(We could share a love)
You and me
(We could share a love)
I'll take you for a walk to the beach
(We could share a love)
Babbette, [...]I'll even throw a dog bone for you to fetch
(We could share a love)
Yeah . . . If you try to catch it
(We could share a love)
I'll even go and get you a rubber ball
(We could share a love)
Brand new [...] mink collar around your neck
(We could share a love)
Make you the best smelling dog on the block
(We could share a love)
Oh, Babbette, when you hear somebody
(We could share a love)
Trying to get in my house then at night I want you to say
Bow wow wow
(We could share a love)
Wow wow wow wow . . .
(We could share a love)
(We could share a love)
Oh, don't you wish you had a Babbette in your backyard
(We could share a love)
To protect all your goodies
(We could share a love)

No, no, no, Babbette
Share my love
Don't make me cry
(Don't make me cry)
No, no, no, Babbette
Hear my plea
Don't say goodbye
([...]Heel. Heel.)
(Don't say goodbye)
(Stay.)
No, no, no, Babbette
Share my love
Don't make me, don't make me, don't make me cry
Ooh, yeah . . . Babbette
Please
Don't make me
Cry, yeah . . .

 

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said, "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

Well, the Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said, "You might not believe this, little fella
But it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said . . .

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

It's all right
(It's all right)
Oh, yeah
(Oh, yeah)
Help me out, Duke!
([...])
Yeah . . .

Hey, Bobby!

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"But I've got a Kristl Bol," he said
An' he held it on up to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
You know I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' his pocket watch
An' everything else around
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound, yeah
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around, I . . .
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just went down"

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know
You could make more money as a butcher
So don't you waste your time on me

FZ: Thank you! Thank you very much. We're gonna maintain a funky stance here, ladies and gentlemen, with another song called "Pygmy Twylyte."

Audience Member: Zappa! Take off your shirt, Ruth! [...]

FZ: Yeah, you heard the man, Ruth. Take off your shirt. Everybody who wants Ruth to take off her shirt just applaud right now . . . Whoops! You missed it! It was real fast. She took it off and put it back on. No, uh, you have the wrong idea about Ruth, she's not that kind of a girl. She's much worse. And barely merely taking off her shirt wouldn'd wouldn't prove anything . . . Ready? One, two, three, four . . .

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite

Getting up
Every morning
Some day days it's cold and some day days it's warm
Getting up trying to find yourself
Beneath the concrete all around you
You say,
Oh, Lord, do I have a chance
To make it [...]any further
[...] go I've gone so far
I think I'll take a walk downtown
And give myself a breath of fresh air
Oh, oh, oh, I think I'll take a walk downtown
And give myself a breath of fresh air
Things around here
Oh, yeah
Things around here
Are getting
Are getting
Kinda funny
Said are getting
Kinda funny
I said are getting kinda strange to me
Have you ever got up in the morning
And went out down in the street
And somebody tells you over your tap you on the shoulder
Trying to tell you that you're wrong
When you're doing what you're doing
For yourself
You've got to do what you want to do
You've got to be what you want to be, yeah, yeah
And say what you want to say
No matter [...]what's said
Do what you want to do
No matter what nobody say
You've got to live be what you want to live
Early in the morning
You've got to do what you want to do
In the evening
You've got to say what you want to say
To anybody
That you want to say it to
Without blinking winking your eye
Without telling a lie
Without calling your you back
Without [...] planning your words
You've got to [...]say listen here
I'm just doing my thing
Only by myself
Won't you give me a break, wow!
Sometimes
Sometimes
I get a little feeling
Way deep down inside
Telling to
Dummy up
Dummy up
Or trying Don't try to run my life now
I'm gonna do [...] only doing things from myself and nobody else now
If you want to do what you wanna do
Without [...] any interruptions
You've got to get up and say it
Or you might be a . . .

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite

The idiot bastard son
The father's a Nazi in Congress today
The mothers's a hooker somewhere in L.A.

The idiot bastard son
Abandoned to perish in back of a car
Kenny will stash him away in a jar
The idiot boy!

Try and imagine
A window all covered in green
All the time he would spend
At the church he'd attend
Warming his pew

Kenny will feed him and Ronnie will watch
The child will thrive and grow
And enter the world
Of liars and cheaters and people like you
Who smile and think they know
What this is about

You think you know everything
Maybe so
The song we sing
Do you know?
We're listening

Try and imagine
A window all covered in green
All the time he would spend
All the colors he'd blend
Where are they now?

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me, yeah
I took a turn around, I said, Can you all see now?
The little strings on the Giant Spider?
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
And the flaps on the side of the moon

The jelly and paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples and the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah
And the canvas of the cave is too soft

The suits and the hats and the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind, yeah
While the monster just ate Japan

Now, ladies and gentlemen
The monster
Which the peasants in this area call Frenchie
Apparently a very large poodle dog
Has just been seen approaching The Power Plant
Rockets can't stop it
Bullets can't stop it
We may have to call up the National Guard!

Got a great big poodle/hairy thing
Got a great big hairy thing
Got a great big hairy thing
Got a great big hairy thing

Got a great big hairy thing
(Good God!)
Got a great big hairy thing
Got a great big hairy thing
Got a great big hairy thing

Oh, look out for that poodle
Oh, look out for that poodle
Oh, look out for that poodle
Gonna spout something on ya

Oh, look out for that poodle
Oh, look out for that poodle
Oh, look out for that poodle
Gonna spout something on ya

It's dangerous
I said it's dangerous
It's mean and evil

Dangerous
I said it's dangerous
Mean and it's evil

Gonna shoot something at ya
Gonna spout something on ya
Big old white and milky substance
Better look out
Don't let it hit you
Don't let it shoot you
Might shoot something on ya
It might shoot something on ya
Look out!
Might shoot something on ya
Oh, look out!
Might shoot something on ya
Look out!
Might shoot something on ya
Look out!
It might shoot something on ya
Look out!
It might shoot something on ya
It might shoot something on ya
(Good God!)
Might shoot something on ya
It might shoot something . . .
(Get the booger!)

Hey, follow me
And go to the shelter
Follow me
And go to the shelter

Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter

Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me
Can ya see the little strings danglin' down?
Makes the legs go wobble an' the mouth flop shut, yeah
An' the horrible eye
(Horrible eye)
Horrible eye
(Horrible eye)
Horrible eye
(Horrible eye)
Go rollin' around

Can y'see it at all
Can y'see it from here
Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees
If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
Cheaper the better
Cheaper the better
Cheaper the better
Cheaper the better
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis . . .

FZ: Thank you. Thank you. All right, we have a song for you now about dental floss. Hurry, Ruth. Ruth, hurry, before they make you take your shirt off, Ruth. Please hurry, Ruth. Yeah [...], really, just like that, wah! This is "Montana" . . . Here we go! "Montana." [...]("Take it off!").

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else
Ah, but then, on the other hand I would

Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck the Floss
'N swish it aroun'

And I would have me a crop
An' it'd be on top
That's why I'm movin' to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon

Oh, I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
His name is Mighty Little
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the border line

With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
(A little tweezer glint)

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O, Yippy-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon

Look out!

Oh, yeah
Come on
[...]

Get that [...]
Get out of there!
[...]Stop!
Get out of there!
Would You know what I mean
[...]Come on back in there a little bit

[...]Goodness gracious!

Get down!
You know what I'm talking about?
You know what I'm talking about now?
Come on!
[...]
You know she was a booger!
You know she was a booger!
[...]She was in your room!
You know she was a booger!

It was a booger the other night

Jeff: Hey, it's the famous John Boulder, from Boulder, Colorado, singing about Rocky Mountain herdhurt!

No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger
No more booger

FZ: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. All right. We have a bunch of new songs for you. One, two, three, four . . .

Is there anything good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there anything
Good inside of you
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is . . .
Watch out!
Is there?

Anything
Is there anything good inside of you
Is there anything
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Is there anything good inside of you
Is there anything
If there is, I really wanna know

Something
Anything
Something
Anything

Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign (Oh, yeah)
If you don't mind (Oh, yeah)
Show me a sign (Oh, yeah)
If you don't mind

Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand

Something
Anything
Something
Anything

Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a stoned mind
Have I aligned (Oh, yeah)
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a stoned mind

Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Or wasted my time
On a stoned mind
Have I aligned (Oh, yeah)
With a blown mind
Or wasted my time
On a stoned mind

Something . . .
Anything . . .
Something . . .
Anything . . .
Anything . . .

Something
Anything
Show me a sign

Something
Anything
Show me a sign

Something
Anything
Show me a sign

Something
Anything
Show me a sign

Something
Anything
Show me a sign

Something
Anything
Show me a sign

Something
Anything
Oh, show me . . .

Something
Anything . . .

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Read 'em 'n weep
Was her adjustable slogan

Well, she was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

Oh yeah!

Well, that's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
When her [...]hoof beat
[...]Hoof beat

She couldn't stand it when her fan belt
Shrunk and got shorter
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

Oh yeah!

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how the [...] porter might court her
Oh, [...]lucky porter

Well, that's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
When her [...]hoof beat
[...]Hoof beat

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Read 'em 'n weep
Was her adjustable slogan

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ

Yellow
Magenta
OrangeBirch
Blue

Put 'em all together and they spell
Organ

To you
To you
To you
To you
To you
[...] Certainly to you

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed

Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings
(Just flapped her little wings)

Lord, you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut and wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy

Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale

Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the battery fail
(Sure it's tough on a penguin when the battery goes out)

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire
With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon

In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room
(There it is again—the hoop)

Oh, you know it must be a Penguin bound down
If you hear that terrible screamin'
And there ain't no other birds around

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahennnn
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave her straps
Too loose

'Cause she just might box yer dog
'Cause she just might box yer doggie
An' leave you a dried-up doggie biscuit . . .

Hey!

 

FZ: Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on flute, tenor sax and lead vocals, Ruth Underwood on shirt, Chester Thompson on drums, Ralph Humphrey on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, Jeff Simmons on guitar, George Duke on keyboards. Thanks very much for coming to the concert. Hope you liked it. Good night!
Napoleon: Ha ha ha . . .

FZ: Thank you. Brian, Go ahead and put those matches out—they upset the fire marshal. All right. I believe we have a little something for you. The first song you've probably never heard before, it's called "RDNZL," but after that it goes into "King Kong" and some other stuff you might recognize. One! One! One! One!

(Now we can, we can . . .)
We can could share a love
(Oh yeah)
We can could share a love
(Now when I I wanna take you home out for . . .)
We can could share a love
(In the morning)
We can could share a love
(Now when I I wanna take you home out for . . .)
We can could share a love
(Oh yeah)
We can could share a love
(Now when I I wanna get you for me . . .)
We would could share a love
(Every morning)
We can could share a love
(And when I . . . [...])

FZ: Thanks for coming to the concert. Hope you liked it. Good night.

FZ: Okay, here's another an outer space song for you, ladies and gentlemen. All right. Here we go! Hurry, Ruth. This goes out to Morton Feldman. Ready? One, two, three, four . . .

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

George: What was that?
Jeff: [...]Molybdenum.

George: It's a booger! There it goes.
FZ: [...]Jeff: Argon.

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park itself
(Park it . . . Park it)
Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have a motor
Or was it something different

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

FZ: Thank you! All right.

Napoleon: . . . You'll never guess what's [...]on the agenda tonight.
George: I'm telling him. [...]Well, I'm gonna talk about it in a few minutes, yeah. I'm telling you.

Hah Hah Hah

Napoleon: Probably it's up to you [...] basicly but never [...]something you won't understand basically, but necessarily the carrots . . .
George: I know you all don't wanna hear . . . it.
Napoleon: . . . and a few gamblesthe cucumbers, and all the poetry and all the beef that they're trying to sell at the store . . .

Tush Tu—

FZ: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to The Mothers Of Invention show. Featuring Ruth Underwood on percussion, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Chester Thompson on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, George Duke on keyboards.

Heh Heh Heh

FZ: Arf, arf. Brian, can I get some more monitor here? . . . Hello, hello, hello. Yeah, that's a lot better. Okay. I think I'm in tune—I may be wrong, but the name of this song is "Stink-Foot" so it doesn't matter.

Yes indeed
In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
(Water)
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
(Mornin')
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know
(Now get yer shoes 'n socks on people
'Cause it's right aroun' the corner!)

You go out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Now scientists call this disease Bromidrosis
And well they should
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
Stink Foot

You know, my python boot was too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got that sucker off
An' my girlfriend cry
"You got stink foot!
Stink foot, darlin'
Your stink foot puts the hurts on my nose
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"

Well, ah, here Fido, here Fido
Bring the slippers, little puppy
Yes, that's a good dog
Bring the slippers to Marty, that's it
Back up, little puppy
"Arf! Arf! Arf!"
Sick!

FZ: And now we have a song that features big Ruth on the marimba. It's a [...] sprightly little item that goes by the name of—how you say in your language?—"RDNZL."

FZ: One! One! One! One!

(George: [...])
(Napoleon: Tell 'em [...] sheep [...])
We could share some dog
(George: [...])
(FZ: Yes indeed!)
Marty can share some too
(FZ: Every Holiday Inn's got a candle Inn has got a kennel in the back of the)

We could share some dog
(Napoleon: How about the [...]a wool sweater?)
Marty can share some too
(FZ: Every Holiday Inn's got a candle Inn has got a kennel in the back of the)

We could share some dog
(Napoleon: [...]Dog saliva might make it)
Marty can share some too
(FZ: Every Holiday Inn's got a candle Inn has got a kennel in the back of the)

We could share some dog
(Napoleon: [...] Out wool on to keep you warm)
Marty can share some too
(Napoleon: Every Holiday Inn has got a candle kennel in the back of the)
(George: Yeah, every Holiday Inn has got a candle kennel in the back of the)
(FZ: Our Holiday Inn is going to have some sheep in the back of the)

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It'll take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how the people stand it
But I guess they do
'Cause they're all still there
Even Ruth and Brian too
In the Village of the Sun
Oh, Village of the Sun
Oh, the Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you
Well, yeah yeah, oo-oo-oo-ooh!

Well, Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too, now
Where Palmdale Boulevard
Cuts on through
Past the Village Inn, well, & Barbecue now, yeah
I heard it ain't there
Well I hope it ain't true
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It'll take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how you people stand it
But I guess y'all do
'Cause you're all still there
In your thermal underwear
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you
Unity-poo
(Hah hah hah . . .)
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Unity-poo
Wah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Unity-poo
(Oh yeah)
Hah hah hah hah!
([...]Got a sheep, turn your back on)
What you gonna do?
Unity-poo . . .

Well, yeah yeah . . .

Ladies and gentlemen
Watch Ruth
All through our show
Ruth
Has been thinking
And thinking
And thinking again
Watch Ruth

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed

Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings

Lord, you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut and wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy

Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale

Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the battery fail
(Yes, they start shaking like that just as the battery goes out in the vibrator)

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire
With some Kleenex wrapped around a the coat-hang wire

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
([...])
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon

In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room
(There it goes again—[...] it D'you see it? It was the hoop, it was)

You know it must be a Penguin bound down
If you hear that terrible screamin'
And there ain't no other birds around

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahennnn
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave her straps
Too loose

'Cause she just might box yer dog
'Cause she just might box yer doggie
An' leave you a dried-up dog biscuit, if you know what I mean . . .

Hey!

 

Jail baitJailbait, hey!

FZ: Thank you!

FZ: Thank you, sports fans.

Audience: "Dinah-Moe"! "Dinah-Moe"! "Dinah-Moe"! . . .

FZ: All right, we'll play "Dinah-Moe Humm" then! . . . My, what a novel idea!

Couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

She strolled on over, said look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me squirt
Y'jes can't do it

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
(Yes, of course, they are!)

I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna—
So I got down to it

I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation on her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm
No Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
(From the Dinah-Moe Humm)

Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
(No no no no)
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it

'Cause I can't, I can't get into it
'Less I get out of it
Oh, noLord!
An' I got, I gotta get out of it
To get myself into it
(No no no no . . .)
Hear Help me now
'Cause I never
I never get into it
Unless I get out of it
(Come on, Chester, you know what I'm talking about, last night)
An' I got, I gotta be . . . Hah hah
To get myself into it
Oh, you know what I'm talkin' . . .

She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said, and I quote . . .

Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up
Then my body don't care

I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said my-my-my
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?
Sheep?

I checked out her sister
Who was holdin' the bet
An' wondered what kind of trip
The young lady was on

Well, the forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet

I told her . . .
Just because the sun
Wants a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try

So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked if she had any cooties in there

(What do you mean cooties! No cooties on me!)

She was buns-up kneelin'
(Buns up!)
I was wheelin' an' dealin'
(Wheelin' an' dealin' an' ooooh!)
She surrender to the feelin'
(She sweetly surrendered)
An' she started in to squealin'

Now, Dinah-Moe watched
From the edge of the bed
With her lips just a-twitchin'
An' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in

She quivered 'n quaked
An' clutched at herself
While her sister made a joke
About her mental health
Till Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline
And I explained it to her this way, I said simply this . . .

Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . .
Here it is, it's all around me
Just kiss my aura, Dora
Go right ahead, don't be ashamed
I washed it this morning
Kiss my aura, Dora
It's real angora
Would y'all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Do you wanna?

FZ:

Well, after I had said that to her and she was righteously impressed with my command of the English language, I'll assure you, she started to get, "Well . . . you know . . . maybe uh . . . you know . . ." She's a little bit like Ruth, you understand, she's one of those kind. Finally she got into it, you know, and it just goes to show you that even in Ohio things like this can happen—we have great faith—but tonight marvelous things will happen here in Ohio. Even in Dayton. Now here— And to prove it—and to prove it if we can get a little audience participation, I think that would help out a lot. Can we get the spotlights on the audience? Or did those guys go home? Hey, spotlights on the audience— All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're not asking for too much—and this als— this also goes for you folks back here too. Can we get the spotlight back there too? All we want you to do is very simple, it's a natural sort of a thing, we just want you all to come at the same time right in the middle of this song. What do you think? Can it be done? Some of you aren't too sure. Well maybe it would— maybe it would be different if I was David Bowie. Arf, arf, arf. ["Ground control to Uncle Tom," (oh, wait, that's not right).] All right, here's the deal, we're gonna play real loud, and turn to the person next to you and help them to get off. Right here in— All the brothers and sisters, help each other out. Just get off!

Did you come yet? You did! He came twice! Wait a minute . . . He came twice so he gets the Golden Napkin Award. Sing right along . . .

I couldn't say where she's—

FZ: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I couldn't even tell what key I was in . . . Oee-oee-oee-oee . . .

I couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

She strolled on over, said look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum
(Where's that napkin?)

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
(It's up for him, he came twice)

I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
So I got down to it

I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation on her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
An' you know eventually I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Here in Ohio
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe again
Dinah-Moe
(It's Dinah-Moe Humm)
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah and Dora
Dinah-Moe

She had that Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was a Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(I was very busy then, I assure you . . . )

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away her rancid torso
An' laid out naked on the floor
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(Yes, those were hard times, all right)

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

Then she stripped away her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
And we did it and we did it
Then we did it again and did it some more
Come on, George . . .

FZ: We have another song for you. This is from— This is from our new album. It's a, an updated version of "Pygmy Twylyte." Yeah, we'll do "Yellow Snow" later. One . . . two . . . three . . . four . . .

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus, 33rd seat
Doo-doo room with reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite

Napoleon:

[...]

Honey, honey
Sheep
Honey, honey
Wool
Honey, honey
[...]Cotton
Honey, honey
[...]Mohair!
Wow! Wow!
(Get down!)
Wow!

Hey hey hey hey
I think you wanna get up
Honey, honey
Wool
Honey, honey
[...]Cotton
Honey, honey
[...]Mohair
Honey, honey
Sheep!
Sheep!
Sheep!
Sheep! Wow!

Something somebody's trying to tell you
It won't be too long before you find out by yourself
Something somebody's trying to tell you
It won't be too long before you find out by yourself
You gotta be careful who you're messing around
You gotta be careful who you're messing around with
Wow!
One of these days it might be too late
Gonna wake up
I came to see her
[...]She wasn't there
[...]I walked out again
I didn't care
Came down the street
[...]Bashed all the doors
[...]Little-bittie bikini
[...]That wasn't all
Trying to give me a [...]chance
[...] my faceRight through my bed
[...] There goes baby
[...]I didn't know where to go
Wow-ow!
All I said was, Wow!
[...]Mercy!

Doo-doo room
Doo-doo room
(Right on back there's a)
Doo-doo room
Doo-doo room
(I hope in your house it's a)
Doo-doo room
Doo-doo room
(Or maybe in your backyard there's a)
Doo-doo room
Doo-doo room

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for coming to the concert. Ruth Underwood on percussion. Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax, lead vocals, and fantastic dancing. Chester Thompson on drums and Baltimore Train. Tom Fowler on bass. Sheep! Sheep! George Duke on keyboards. Thanks a lot for coming to the concert, hope you enjoyed it.

FZ: Arf! Okay! The name of this song is "Don't Eat The Yellow Snow." Listen, I don't know how you people [...] managed to stand up in that condition all night long—it's absolutely inhuman. I think on the way out you oughta rub each other's feet. Okay, ready? One, two, three, four . . .

FZ: Everybody dance!

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots 'n around my toe
Frost had bit the ground below
Was a hundred degrees below zero
And my momma cried
She said . . .
And my momma cried
She said once again . . .
Nanook, no no
Nanook, no no
Don't be a naughty Eskimo
Save your money, don't go to the show

Well I turned around an' I said, Ho ho
Well I turned around an' I said, Ho ho

Watch out where the huskies go
An' don't you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go
An' don't you eat that yellow snow

Well right about that time, people
A fur trapper
Who was strictly de la commercial
(Strictly Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
Screaming, Peek-a-boo!
(Peek-a-boo)
Whereupon he started in to whippin' on my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe

With a lead
(Lead)
Filled
(Lead-filled)
With a lead-filled snow shoe
(Snow shoe)
He said Peak-a-boo
(Peak-a-boo)

With a lead
(Lead)
Filled
(Lead-filled)
With a lead-filled snow shoe
(Snow shoe)
He said Peak-a-boo
(Peek-a-boo)
(Peek-a-boo)

He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal
With that lead-filled snow shoe
He went, Tush!
He went, Boof!
(Peek-a-boo)
He went, Whap!
An' he hit him on the nose 'n he hit him on the fin 'n . . .

[...] Jay-zus! That got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be

Whereupon I proceeded to take my pattented Nanook of the North [...] whale blubber mitten
And I bent down 'n I reached down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly
(Yellow Snow)
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go

And then I pounced . . .

FZ: No, no, I didn't pounce. Hey, wait a minute. No, I haven't pounced yet. I have to rub it all into his beady little eyes. Cancel! Well . . .

And then I proceeded to rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the citizens of Dayton, Ohio
But destined to take the place of The Mud Shark
In your mythology
The Vigorous Circular Motion, here it goes, rub it!

And then I pounced!
And I pounced again
And I jumped up 'n down on the chest of the . . .
Great Googly-Moogly!
I injured the fur trapper
Heh heh heh heh . . .
That wretched sucker hurt my seal and he had to pay

Well, he got up then
As those fur trappers are wont to do
He got up and he looked around and
He looked at Ruth
And he looked at Ruth
And he kept looking at Ruth
And he kept looking at Ruth and it was then that it occurred to him that there was a problem
Because that's when he noticed . . .

He couldn't see
I can't see
Oh woe is me
I can't see

He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in Ruth's eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in Ruth's other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded Ruthie
An' she can't see
An' she can't pee

But you'll she'll be able to pee later where [...]
(She can't see
Temporarily)
Because we have therapy
To help her pee
(OohRuth, she can't see
Temporarily)
When she can't pee temporarily
(OohRuth, she can't see
Temporarily)
She might not be able to see
But later on she'll be able to pee
Because of the therapy
(OohRuth, she can't see
Temporarily)

Well the fur trapper
Was hurting
He had the dog-doo crystals on his right eye
Had the dog-doo crystals on his left eye
Both his eyes was shut
Couldn't see Ruth
Ruth couldn't see him
Ruth couldn't pee
He couldn't see
That made 'em just about equal

And it was then
In a flash of blinding illuminating light
Tush!
(Hey, was that cheap or what?)
That the fur trapper remembered an ancient Eskimo legend
Wherein it is written
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
As a result of some sort of conflict
With anyone named Nanook
The only way you can get it fixed up
Is to go trudgin' across the tundra
Trudgin' across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudgin'
Tundra
Ruth
Can't pee
Ruth
Trudgin'
Sheep
Wool
Dogs
Wool
Dog wool
Sheep wool
(Sheep)
Ruth wool
(Lick)
Tongue
I said a tongue
(Marty's dog)
Never mind that . . .

And then
Once we have figured out what to do with the sheep's tongue
Instead of his buttock
Well
The fur trapper decided he would
Go trudgin' across the tundra
Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo
Who is the patron saint of the sheep herders
Of Ohio extraction
He was gonna make it down there
Because
Even if he couldn't get any mar-juh-rene to rub on his eyes
He was liable to get just enough wool to make another brown
Lapidus sweater for Marty
Watch Ruth, here we go . . .

Well, here we are!

At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
(Pittie-pattie pittie-pattie pittie-pattie pootie)
And said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me)
Hurt me!
(Hurt me)
Hurt me!
(Hurt me)
Hurt me!
(Oooooh!)
Pittie!
Pattie!
Pootie!
Pootie-pootie!
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Get off the bus [...] Marty!)
([...] now, George)
(Marty had a dog)
(Ha ha ha! I can't help myself!)
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene

Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
'Cause the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked
(He stroked it)
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked his
Sma-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ahhhhh
(Stroked his smock)
Which set him off in such a frenzy
He sang Lock Around The Crock
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
Woo woo woo
Woo woo woo
Woo woo woo
As he stumbled on his cock
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
(Proud of me
Proud of me)
He shouted down the block

Dominus Vo-bisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu, oh!
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo

They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite

They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town

Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo

Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo . . .

FZ: Good evening to the audience . . . On behalf of Ruth again, Napoleon again, Chester again, Tom again, George again. You guys have been okay, and in case you— in case you didn't know, you have broken all attendance records for this hall, by jamming your bodies into this room just like sardines! Congratulations! Good night!

Frank Zappa's newest LP, Apostrophe (')!

That's right, you heard right!

With "Nanook Rubs It"!

"Don't Eat The Yellow Snow"! "Cosmik Debris"! And many more . . . Frank Z's Z and Apostrophe (')!

 

FZ: Thank you! Thank you very much!

The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle bites)
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle bites)
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle bites)
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle bites)
The poodle by-ee-ites
The poodle chews it
(Poodle . . . You know there's a lot of people who'd think I was completely stupid for doing a song like this, you know . . .)