INTERCONTINENTAL ABSURDITIES PRESENTS
That's a really good beat that you have there. Ladies and gentlemen.
A FRANK & STEIN PRODUCTION
Just calm yourselves for a moment, because we're making a movie here tonight, and we wanna make sure that the cameras will get the music in synchronization with the picture and something terrible has happened.
ROXY
THE MOVIE
Now, I don't wanna keep you in suspense for too long, ladies and gentlemen, but we plan we've planned a really dynamite show for you. And we really don't want to— We don't want to fuck it up, ladies and gentlemen, so, just relax and sip on your beverages and, any moment now the curtain will go up and we'll be zany for you, so just cool it!
WRITTEN, DIRECTED & CONDUCTED BY
FRANK ZAPPA
This is a recording.
STARRING
FRANK ZAPPA
&
THE MOTHERS
PRODUCED BY
FRANK ZAPPA
GAIL ZAPPA
AHMET ZAPPA
JEFF STEIN
I know what we'll do. We'll pretend like we're doing the show with the curtain still down, for the first part. We'll just play some background music until they get the camera fix fixed and then we'll surprise you.
Okay.
You know, the Mystery Man came over
An' he said, "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
(Well . . . )
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .
Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me
Well, the Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
(Well . . . )
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said, "You might not believe this, little fella
But it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said, oh, really?
Look here brother
(Look here brother)
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother
(Peek-a-boo!)
Don't you waste your time on me
Napoleon!
I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"But I've got a Kristl Bol," he said
An' he held it on up to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' I told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around, I said
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just went down"
Look here brother
(Look here brother!)
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know
You could make more money as a butcher
So don't you waste your time on me
Thank you!
We're making a movie—there's a camera up there, there's a camera up there, there's a camera right here, there's a camera back there, there's lights all over this place—yet all make believeyeah, it's all make-believe. That's right, there's no film in the cameras, we're just pretending, see? So you just relax, and if the lights happen to go on on you, just pretend there's no film in the camera, because we may have you do something amusing later.
All right.
FZ:
Pardon me, folks. The name of this song is "Penguin In Bondage," and it's a song that, uh, deals with the possible variations on a basic theme which is—well, you understand what the basic theme is—and then the variations include, uh, manoeuvres that might be executed with the aid of, uh, extraterrestrial gratification and devices which might or might not be supplied in a local department store, or perhaps a drugstore, but at very least in one of those fancy new shops that they advertise in the back pages of the Free Press.
This song suggests to the suggestible listener that the ordinary procedure, uh, that I'm circumlocuting at this present time in order to get this text on television, is that, uh, if you wanna do something other than what you thought you were gonna do when you fine— first took your clothes off, and you just happened to have some devices around . . . then it's— it's not only okay to get into the paraphernalia of it all, but . . . hey!
Guy From The Audience: "I'm The Slime"!
FZ: What do you say? Ready?
Guy From The Audience: "Memories Of El Monte"!
FZ: I have them. I bet you do too, don't you?
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed
Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings
Lord, you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut and wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale
Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the battery fail
(You know when the battery fails in the vibrator?)
Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire
With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon
In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room
(Right through the hoop, without even feeling any pain)
You know it must be a Penguin bound down
If you hear that terrible screamin'
And there ain't no other birds around
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave her straps
Too loose
'Cause she just might box yer dog
'Cause she just might box yer dog
An' leave you a dried-up dog biscuit . . .
Thank you very much.
How'd you guys like to try that? Here's how it works. What— What we did was design assign a physical action to each member of the group to take that takes place over a four-bar period, see? period. See? All I do is count out off four bars—on bars. And on the downbeat of the fifth bar, you squat.
So, I don't have time to instruct each of you as to what you'll do with over the four bars, but, why don't you stand up and do whatever you like over a four-bar period and then on the fifth bar just sit down again? Okay? Try it once.
Stand up. Don't be shy!
Okay. Any activity that you like over a four-bar period, you ready? Okay. I'll give you one bar for nothing. One bar for nothing. And don't forget to sit down abruptly on the downbeat of the fifth bar, okay? Here we go.
One, two, three, four. Go!
. . . Four, two, three, four
Five!
Okay, come on, try it again. Just go down on the— I'll count 'em out loud. You ready? Okay. One bar for nothing. Don't do nothing. Okay.
One, two, three, four
Start! Two, three, four
Two! Two, three, four
Three! Two, three, four
Four! Two, three, four
Squat!
A little late on the squat, but it'll do it. All right . . . Now . . .
Some of you might have read a book called Chariots Of The Gods, by Erich Von Däniken, and there's a little thing in there, it's a picture of this area in the Andes called the plains of Nazca, ladies and gentlemen. And, uh, there's these carvings on the top of the rock that you don't know what they're supposed to be for. It doesn't look like it would have been a road, because it doesn't go anywhere, and there's a bunch of 'em, and some people think, well maybe it was a landing field. But the carvings are very, very old and they're very, very big, you know, indicating that the people who made them were highly, uh, well, they were, heh heh . . . They really had their ____ together for the things that carved in the rock. And it's possible that if they were landing fields, that the things that landed on them were NOT OF THIS EARTH.
And so we have a song, which features the lovely voice of Mr. George Duke, and the name of this song is "Inca Roads." Take it away, George . . .
George: That's right, honey.
FZ: Simply atmospheric introduction.
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have a motor
Or was it something different
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Or did someone build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing
To land
(Thank you, honey.)
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle
(FZ: Her nipples are standing up now.)
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have a motor
Or was it something different
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for such a thing to land
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have a motor
Or was it something different
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for such a thing to land
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill
Thank you . . . thank you very much . . .
Ladies and gentlemen,
Watch Ruth!
All during our program
Ruth has been thinking,
"What can I do
That'll be fantastic?"
Something nice for the camera, I hope
Ruth, show 'em a little something
Ruth Underwood, Ralph Humphrey, Chester Thompson. Thank you.
All right, now, have a surprise for you. You've all been fooled. Now, that little thing there is nothing more and nothing less than the rhythm track of the next song that we're gonna play, which is a song about monster movies and it's called "A Little More Cheepnis Please." Here's what it sounds like with everything else stuck to it—you already heard the drum part.
Quick, mop 'em off.
Can they play it right the a second time?
Ruth: A-ha.
Someone: Hey. Just play the [...].
FZ: Yeah, and I would no, we'll just stop and overdub it later. Ready?
Ruth: Oh, wait. No, I'm not.
Audience Member: What's it called?
FZ: "Cheepnis."
Let me tell you something, do you like monster movies? Anybody? I love monster movies. I simply adore monster movies, and the cheaper they are, the better they are. And cheapness in the case of a monster movie has nothing to do with the budget of the film—although it helps. But true cheapness is exemplified by visible nylon strings attached to the jaw of a giant spider.
I'll tell you, a good one that I saw one time—I think the name of the film was It Conquered The World, and the— Did you ever see that one? The monster looks sort of like an inverted ice-cream cone with teeth around the bottom. It's like a (phew!), like a teepee or . . . sort of a rounded off pup tent affair. And, uh, it's got fangs on the base of it—I don't know why but it's a very threatening sight. And then he's got a frown and, you know, ugly mouth and everything, and there's this one scene where the, uh, monster is coming out of a cave, see? There's always a scene where they come out of a cave, at least once. And the rest of the cast— It must have been made around the 1950s—the lapels are about like that wide, the ties are about that wide and they're about this short. And they always have a little revolver that they're gonna shoot the monster with, and there is always a girl who falls down and twists her ankle.
Heh-hey! Of course there is! You know how they are—the weaker sex and everything, twisting their ankle on behalf of the little ice-cream cone. Well, in this particular scene—in this scene, folks, they, uh, they didn't wanna re-take it 'cause it must have been so good they wanted to keep it, but they— When the monster came out of the cave, just over on the left hand side of the screen you can see about this much two-by-four attached to the bottom of the thing as the guy is pushing it out, and then, obviously off-camera, somebody's goin', "No! Get it back!" And they drag it back just a little bit as the guy is goin', "Kch! Kch!"
Now that's cheapness. Awright?
And this is "Cheepnis" here. One, two, three, four . . .
I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood
I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood
Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me, yeah
I took a turn around, I said, Can y'all see now?
The little strings on the Giant Spider?
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
(HA HA HA!)
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
And the flaps on the side of the moon
The jelly and paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples and the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah
And the canvas of the cave is too soft
The suits and the hats and the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind, yeah
While the monster just ate Japan
Ladies and gentlemen
The monster
Which the peasants in this area call Frunobulax
Has just been seen approaching The Power Plant
Bullets can't stop it
Rockets can't stop it
We may have to use nuclear force!
Wah! Run! C'mon! Get up quickly! Back to the [...] quick! Fast as you can! Everybody c'mon!
It might be your last chance! Go to the shelter you want now!
Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter
Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me
Can ya see the little strings danglin' down?
Makes the legs go wobble an' the mouth flop shut, yeah
An' the horrible eye
An' that the horrible eye
An' that the horrible eye
Go rollin' around
Can y'see it at all
Can y'see it from here
Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees
If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know, yeah
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause . . . wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I want . . .
I need a little more cheepnis
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis . . .
Thank you!
All right.
Ah, see, I think we'll do "I'm The Slime."
Now, I'm warning you. When you sing those background parts that the girls sang on the record, please God, PLEASE GOD, LET MAKE THEM BE IN TUNE!
Here we go, "The Slime."
I'm gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you
I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I am the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
Well, I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set
You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold, hey
That's right, folks . . .
Don't touch that dial
Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
FZ: Now, listen to this, folks. We got this tune, see, that's, uh— You know, the, uh, tango as a dance of unbridled passion—I'm sure you're familiar with it, you know, the one, the one where you get to go . . . Okay? We have modified the, uh, tango somewhat in order to make it— bring it up to date, you know, make it accessible to a . . . a young contemporary audience such as yourselves. People who are obviously in the know.
Now we have, uh, huh huh huh— we have converted the tango into something that go— that transcends the tango form. We've combined the tango with be-bop and maybe even later a smoke machine, we don't know. We have some people in the audience tonight that, um— Well, they're friends, they've been around the Hollywood scene for a long time. I'm sure if they come up on to onto the stage—(BURP) pardon me, folks—you'll recognize 'em right away. He he he . . . So . . .
You can turn on the big lights, we may need 'em. You know, the ones in the audience. Heh heh heh. Okay, you ready? Not too fast now 'cause I wanna get the right notes on the tape, and this, this has to be the one. This has to be the one with all the right notes in it. Okay, ready? And this is a hard one to play.
And that's why I don't play on it.
One, two, three, four . . .
George: . . . Oh, yeah! . . . As I was saying.
FZ: Now, what we'd like to do at this point is get some volunteers from the audience to— I know you will, oh God, you will. We need some— Heh heh heh—Now, as a matter of fact you did, didn't you? No, we wanna have some people who've never tried it before, who've never even thought of trying it before. A boy, a girl, preferably who like each other, who would like to come up here and attempt to dance to what George sings.
Do we have anybody who's . . . ?
FZ: You're one. Okay, what's your name?
Carl: Carl.
FZ: Your name is Carl? Please, Carl, step on to the stage. Pleased to meet you, Carl. All right. Okay? Let's see, uh . . . is there anybody in the, in the back? Well . . . oh-oh, hey! What's your name? . . . Oh, wait a minute, we've already collected selected a male costumer! Ah, you can stay, it's okay, you can stay. We don't want to turn anyone away. What are your namenames?
Rick: Rick.
FZ: Rick, and?
Jane: Jane.
FZ: Jane? Rick and Jane and Carl! All right, here's how it works: There's a beat going on like this; an' that's a pedestrian beat. You can forgive a— You can forget about that beat, because that beat is only for reference. You don't dance to that beat, you dance to what George sings, okay?
The little ones, okay? The little quick ones, okay? Ready? George, make them dance!
No, no, Rick, you're too reserved. Ready? Give it to 'em, George!
No, no . . .
No, no, come on now, loosen up! Listen, encourage them! When it, when . . . Ah! Okay! All right, one more time: dance!
Let's study this phenomenon.
FZ: Now look, Rick and Jane and Carl, you, you're wonderful but you're just too reserved. Now . . .
Lana: I still can, Frank!
FZ: I know you will, maybe in a minute. Okay, I'll t— tell you what, go back to your seats and we'll bring up the next batch, okay? Carl, Rick and Jane! Okay. Uh . . . Let's see . . . Yeah, I will try you again, come 'ere . . . The what? . . . Oh, you don't know. All right, you wanna try?
Lana: I'll do anything you say, Frank.
FZ: Oh, my God! Awright, your name is Lana, right? Lana, dance!
Now that's more like it.
Would you get those glasses out awayof the way?
Lana, you're so good we have to bring up some other people to assist you. Brenda, imported from Edwards Air Force Base, where she— Ladies and gentlemen, Brenda, Brenda is a professional harlot, and she just got finished stripping for a bunch of guys at Edwards Air Force Base, and she made it down here in time for the show. Two hours of taking it off for the boys in the corps, really good. Okay. Heh. Brenda, Brenda has a lovely assistant named Carl, or Robert James Davis if you prefer. Okay, dance!
You're still too adagio, I keep telling you!
Turn on the bubble machine!
God, is that a cheap bubble-machine!
Ladies and gentlemen, Dunt's ex-wife!
Ladies and gentlemen, you're probably sitting in your chairs, saying to yourselves, "I could do that!" And of course you can! And now is your big chance. All you have to do—first step is easy, all you gotta do is stand up. Go ahead, just stand up. There you go, you are standing up. Yes, some of you are not standing up, but you won't have as much fun as the ones who are standing up. Okay, turn on the big lights so everybody can see what's going on. Yes, very many of you are standing up. Okay, get into the groove of it all. Now, link your mind with the mind of George Duke!
And when— That's it! When he plays those funny fast little notes, twitch around and have a good time with the "Be-Bop Tango," let's try it!
It's no good just to stand up and clap your hands, that's too pedestrian. Twitch around!
Napoleon:
Anything you wanna do
All right
All right!
Anything you wanna do
Done and do
Is all right
Is all right
You came to the right place
Tonight
Yeah yeah yeah, hey now
Anything you wanna do
Is all right
Wanna do
Anything you wanna do
Is all right
Yes, there, guys, you know you came to the right place
Tonight
Give me some of that wine now!
FZ: All right. Now, look here. As you might have guessed, ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of our concert. We'd like to thank you ver— would like to thank you very much for coming, hope you had a good time!
Bruce Fowler on trombone,
Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals,
Ruth Underwood on percussion,
Ralph Humphrey on drums,
Chester Thompson on drums,
Tom Fowler on bass,
And George Duke on the keyboards.
Thank you very much!
George & Napoleon:
Do anything you want to do
Tonight
All right (All right)
Do anything you want to do (Well)
Tonight
All right
'Cause the Roxy is the right wayplace
Tonight
All right (All right)
All right (All right)
All right (All right)
All right (All right)
All right (All right)
All right (All right)
Oh, all right!
8, 9, 10 December 1973 Frank Zappa & The Mothers
Roxy Theater, Hollywood, California
Frank Zappa, American Composer fl. 1940-1993
One, two, one, two . . .
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
Again. Again! Hello! Here we go.
Just keep it— Yeah. Just keep it like four bars and then do that, "No no, don't eat it." And I'm not gonna sing on, so that I'll have a breath when I come up with my part. Okay? One, two, one, two . . .
Written, Directed,
Music Composed by
FRANK ZAPPA
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
Starring
Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
FRANK ZAPPA
Lead Guitar, Vocals, Percussion
Under my boots and around my toe
Frost had bit the ground below
Was a hundred degrees below zero
RUTH UNDERWOOD
Percussion
And my momma cried (Nanook!)
And my momma cried (Nanook!)
And my momma cried (Oh no!)
NAPOLEON MURPHY
BROCK
Tenor Sax, Flute, Lead Vocals
She said, No! (Oh no!)
I knew she loved me (Oh no!)
She said, No no (No, no no . . .)
TOM FOWLER
Bass
Well I turned around and I said, Ho ho
And the Northern Lites commenced to glow
BRUCE FOWLER
Trombone, Dancing (?)
And she looked at me with a tear in her eye and she said . . .
RALPH HUMPHREY
Drums, Percussion
Oh, wait a minute, I forgot it . . . "Save your money, don't go to the show . . . " Oh, shit!
Haven't done this in a while. Okay. Do it again. One, two . . .
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
GEORGE DUKE
Keyboards, Synthesizer, Vocals
Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Hey, that was good, but I forgot the words. Here we go. One, two, one, two . . .
CHESTER THOMPSON
Drums
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
No no, don't eat it
One more.
Give 'em two bars, not four, and then come in. Okay? All right.
Get a tail slate before you stop it. Don't—Remember, don't stop the— Heh, you already stopped it.
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would/should be proud of me
(Proud of me)
Edited & co-produced by
JOHN ALBARIAN
Digital Restoration by
BEN SATORY
Post Production Coordinator
SID PATEL
HD Best Light Transfer
STEVE PEER, IVC/Point.360
Titles by
GZ & FZ
Audio Mix & Mastering by
BRUCE BOTNICK
He shouted down the block
Original 16 TK Recordings Produced by
FZ with KERRY MCNABB
Sound Truck
Wally Heider Mobile
Film and Sound Crew
CAMOUFLAGE PRODUCTIONS
Hand-held Camera
BARRY FEINSTEIN
Co-Executive Producer, Vaultmeisterment,
Music Transfers
JOE TRAVERS
Co-Executive Producer
MELANIE STARKS
Main Title by
Chris Pynoski at Titmouse Inc.
Dominus Vo-bisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu, oh!
Executive Producers for Eagle-Rock Entertainment
GEOFF KEMPIN & TERRY SHAND
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo
Special Appearances by
PAMELA DES BARRES, CARL FRANZONI, BRENDA,
JOAN SLOATMAN
& featuring
CARL, RICK, JANE, LANA
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
Special Thanks:
Dick Millais, David Taylor, Sherwin Tilton,
Jeff Stein, John Albarian, Bruce Botnick,
Doug Kluthe, Melanie Starks, Owen Sloane,
Jay "Dunt" Sloatman, Jenny Brown,
Dweezil, Ahmet, Moon, Diva & Frank Zappa
Very special thanks to
Terry Shand & Geoff Kempin
& The Roxy & FZ Fans Everywhere
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
RIP
JOAN SLOATMAN
SHERWIN TILTON
GEORGE DUKE
(Good morning, your Highness
I brought you your snow shoes)
Thanks to our Contributors:
Angel "Mollo" Tejeda Herrera M.C.M., Brian Cadwell,
Valerio Immi DALVIVO—LaBizzara, Michael Brenna,
DAMIEN BOWSKILL, Farrell the FZfan, Marcel E. Blin,
Frederic JANOT, Mitch Schneider, Yosuke,
Kevin "Superfly" White, CasaRock Chile, DAVID YUILL,
Ed Fagan, Kathryn J. Thyne, Bryan Sperrazza,
Christopher Rubert, Thomas Uhnbom, Hofterup,
Yves Surlemont—Von Bontee, Mark Logan, Vegard Wold,
Norway the hard way, MASAYASU, Luis Ojeda Martin,
Jay "DUNT" Sloatman
The Music of
FRANK ZAPPA
Cosmik Debris
Penguin In Bondage
T'Mershi Duween
The Dog Breath Variations
Uncle Meat
RDNZL
Inca Roads
Echidna's Arf (Of You)
Don't You Ever Wash That Thing?
Cheepnis
I'm The Slime
Big Swifty
Be-Bop Tango (Of The Old Jazzmen's Church)
Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
All Musics by Frank Zappa
& Published by the Zappa Family Trust
dba Munchkin Music.
All rights reserved. © ℗ MMXIV ZFT.
© ℗ Frank Zappa MMXIV. All rights reserverd.
www.zappa.com
frankandstein.co
Ladies and gentlemen, can you see this girl over here in the— Hey . . . Okay. Pamela Miller, ladies and gentlemen!
Now, let me explain something, uh . . . Have you ever been in love? Have you ever thought of being in love? Oh, there's all different kinds of love, Pamela Miller is so much in love that she is going to demonstrate how much in love that she is by providing a much needed element of— Calm yourself, Pamela. Heh heh heh . . . That's, that's not exactly in love, but just, heh heh . . . Let go off of it for a while. It won't lickleak.
Now . . . You know, all the big rock & roll groups, with the cute people in it, they always have girls who'd come up on the stage and go "Ahhh . . . brrt . . . " and all that stuff. Well, we're a little hard pressed, folks, so, ha ha ha . . . So we're going to stage a low grade sort of cheap sort of uh, pseudo mothermania hysteria event. In the middle of this song. Pamela is going to uh, heh heh heh, eroticize Napoleon while he sings "Pygmy Twylyte."
Okay, here we go . . . One, two, three, four . . .
Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite
Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight
Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete
Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer mid—
What?
Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite
Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight
Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete
Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
The idiot bastard son
The father's a Nazi in Congress today
The mothers's a hooker somewhere in L.A.
The idiot bastard son
Abandoned to perish in back of a car
Kenny will stash him away in a jar
The idiot boy!
Try and imagine
A window all covered in green
All the time he would spend
At the church he'd attend
Warming his pew
Kenny will feed him and Ronnie will watch
The child will thrive and grow
And enter the world
Of liars and cheaters and people like you
Who smile and think they know
What this is about
You think you know everything
Maybe so
The song we sing
Do you know?
We're listening
Try and imagine
A window all covered in green
All the time he would spend
All the colors he'd blend
Where are they now?
Thank you very much. Sit down and have a good time.
All right! It's audience participation time again, ladies and gentlemen. This time it'd be wonderful if you would sing along. The name of this song is, "Dickie's Such An Asshole"—and cancel that for television too. And here's how, here's how the ending goes, and you can sing along. It goes:
DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it!
Wee-ooo
All right. You don't need to practice that, you know, I'm sure you got the lick down just like El Monte. I'll show you where it comes. It's right at the end of the song, just where all those endings belong.
Here's a tune— Hey . . .
Good Lord, we're so professional!
One 'n one is eleven!
Two 'n two is twenty-two!
Won't somebody kindly tell me,
What the government's tryin' t' do . . .
Dickie's just too tricky
For a chump like me to use
Well, you'd take that sub-committee serious, boy
You might get a seizure from the evenin' news
Well, yeah, yeah,
Millions 'n millions of dollars . . .
Much as he might need . . .
He could open up a chain of motels, people,
On the highway, yes indeed!
Quadrophonic desperation!
You know, there'd be a cable all under your bed
Well, if you just might break some wind in your slumber
The FBI is gonna get your number
GONNA GET YA
GONNA GET YA
GONNA JUMP UP THE SUB-COMMITTEE AND GET YA!
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Done got your number
The FBI
Done got your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
The FBI
Gonna get your number
Gonna get your number
Gonna get your number
Tryin' not to worry
Tryin' not to care
But you know, I get delighted
When some microphone's not there
Can't have no private conversations
Nowhere
In the USA
Can't wait 'til the rest of the people all over the world
Find out that their government
Is just the same ol' way
Yeah, every day . . .
Well, let me tell you one thing right now
Let me tell you one thing right here
Let me make this perfectly clear
Let me tell you 'bout this right here
You know you put me in office
So you must have wanted me in office
I've did no h— harm
I've did you no harm
You know I'm not a crook
You know I'm innocent
I had twenty-five tapes
I only have ten
I don't know what happened to the rest
Musta gave 'em to a friend
Bebe
Somebody
Ronald
Somebody
Who
Was it?
Who?
Man, oh, no
Oh, Lord, it's gonna get ya
Oh, Lord, it's gonna get ya
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
You'd better get down and pray
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
You'd better get down and pray
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
You'd better pray, oh, Lord, oh, Lord, oh, Lord
We know you're not a crook
We know you're not a crook
All we wanna say is one more thing now . . .
The gangster stepped right up,
Kissed him on the lip good-bye
Made him a cock-sucker by proxy, yes he did,
An' he didn't even bat an eye!
The man in the White House—oh!
He's got a conscience—oh!
He's got a conscience as black as sin!
There's just one thing I wanna know—
How'd that asshole ever manage to get in?
Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, sing right along . . .
DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it
Wee-ooo
Thank you very much and good night!
Announcer: Frank Zappa and The Mothers!
All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted