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Civilization Phaze III

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Releases

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1994—Barking Pumpkin vs. Zappa Records

TwentySmallCigars, Zappateers, November 15, 2017

This is actually the original Barking Pumpkin version, which initially (always?) came packaged in this [white] outer box, unlike the Zappa Records version, which did not.

The outside cover has more of a matte finish vs a glossier cover on the Zappa Records version. It is slightly smaller & thinner as well.

The Barking Pumpkin discs have a silver Barking Pumpkin logo, while the Zappa Records discs are black text on black discs.

The booklet is slightly different also. The second page of the BP version is the onion skin pic of the 'flying bug' while the second page of the ZR version is the title page backed with the 'General Notes' section. The onion skin paper in the BP version is thinner.

There is a slight difference in the mastering as well, I prefer the BP version personally, but I'd welcome some opinions from others.

2017—Universal

Thinman, Zappateers, November 15, 2017

There is no newly manufactured 2017 edition of CPIII. It is leftover old stock BPR that is now distributed by Universal.

 

The Cover Art

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Uri Balashov interviewed by Vladimir Sovetov, 2001

It was Stas Namin's Musical Center or SNC that invited Frank to visit Russia. I was an employee of SNC back then, at the same time the artist and the head of the department of the new initiatives organized support. In 1989 group of SNC's personnel, including Stas and me, went to USA for the first time. In LA Stas took us all to Frank's home at Woodrow Wilson Dr. We were met with real cordiality and sincerity. Great meal, nice tour around the house, a lot of friendly handshakes. Just great. Yes. But to tell you the truth I was so amazed by everything seen and heard on this short trip, you know, States, East, West, everything, that haven't seen some special meaning in this particular event. Everything was fantastic and visit to Zappa too.

But two years later, the next Frank's visit to Russian was for me a kind of the miracle. It was winter. But spirit was very warm. We drunk coffee. Smoked cigarettes. Spoke about everything, about animals, weather, about kids. You know, Frank is a father. Four kids I believe. Yes, four. Ahmet, Dweezil, Moon and Diva. Nice kids.

Next time it was summer in Moscow. Everything is good at summer time. And light is shed correctly on human beings, and on buildings too. Frank liked summer Moscow. Summer is my favorite season too, so as soon as it was possible, and of course with the help of the SNC and Stas Namin, I went to LA again.

[...] I get there in March 1992. And couple of months after it there was a birthday party at Zappas and I was invited. [...] Zappa invited everyone to his famous 'top secret' studio. And we listened to his last works, CPIII including. And after the party Frank took me aside and said that he want me to do a cover art for this record. I also remember that he added that this record is a final result of his thirty years long experiments with music. The title was Civilization Phaze III. And I worked on it couple of months. [...] I did it myself from the scratch. No sketches were done at the beginning by Frank or anyone else. Zappa just told me some general things about the main idea of the whole project. Next time I came to show him how I see it and be absolutely sure that I got it right. And on the second visit I brought him the final sheets and been paid for it. That's all.

[...] Frank said that it's very special record in his life, the very last. He said that his disease is incurable. In fact I know that he is seriously ill, but really hoped that US medicine can cope with this type of cancer. But unfortunately it hadn't worked in Frank case. So he felt it and would like to see some sort of grave mound as a basic image on the cover. I thought it over and decided that I may try to put some soothing kind variation of this theme. I mean, that may be subconsciously some therapeutic role was also assigned to me by this job. That's why I decided to make some sort of cheer up, you know, the reminder, very obvious for anyone with some mystical experience, that even after a physical death there are a lot of adventures ahead for your soul, and the symbol of it is Egyptians. [...] It was modeled after frescoes in Egyptian pyramids with scenes of pharao family having some royal fun like, you know, Nile's alligators hunt. Everyone here have microphones and electric wires are everywhere, and everybody listen how and where it sounds. The wires winded in loops and coils which are an essential part of the Egyptian system of symbols and should remined about eternity and infinity. Zappa himself is a pharao and like in a mirror, here and there at once, passing his endless wire from one universe to another, the wire on which everything is suspended...

[There's] no Thing-Fish connection [with the pink flamingos]. I just tried to put there some object that will remined about the main theme. I mean it's a grand piano, after all, the musical instrument, but artistically transformed so I want to put in something appropriate, something really belonging to the world of music. So these flaminogoes, they are just violin bridges, you see, these pieces of wood supporting strings. The sign of music and of course closely associated with Egypt, Nile and stuff like it. It was later, when everything was finished that Gail asked me, how come that I know so well this little funny American-Italian habit of putting the rose flaminogoes on their lawns.

[I didn't read the libretto.] And while listening to the record I didn't try to follow the story myself, the music itself was much more important to me I must admit. But Zappa told me that the main idea of the piece was the idea of people living inside a great piano.

[...] These bugs are dung-beetles, but made to look like a juke boxes. But they are spaceships too, just shaped like bugs. They cruise around this Everest and monitor the activity down there on the long ago abandoned land.

[...] The most important thing is the mountain top, in fact, it is an exact copy of Everest, the highest mountain on Earth, highest point of Frank' creative activity, his greatest achievement. And, by the way, these ladders and staircases all around the mountain are another ancient symbol, well known to all from Christians to Buddhists. The symbol of the progress and growth. But here they don't lead to the top, all these ladders and staircases around the grand piano, because the angles are negative. So it's impossible to reach all these classical, pseudo-classical domiciles clustered on the terraced sides of this piano, even from the top of it, because fire is inside, and it's visible...

[...] Well, of course, we have some discussions, I'm not sure about Egyptians, probably I mentioned them once, but, yes, the back-cover is basically my own creation. As for the front-cover it was definitely discussed, and it was on our second meeting than the idea of mountain with great piano on the top came to us and was accepted. So, surely, Frank knew more or less what I'm going to do for the front cover.

By the way, here is one interesting detail. Right here on the fence, if you look on it through magnifying glass you can read the words Viva Zappa written on it. And another secret near, there is a man, I put a man there, his name is Kevin Toller, great guy from San Diego who really helped me when I was working on this picture. Yes, when I decided to paint the great piano on the top of the mountain, he drove me in his car around so I could pick some visual materials from piano manufacturers in a different musical stores. He also let me use his computer at his home and fed me and even supplied some pot, and it took a whole week this job, and all the time he seen that I had all I need to do it, so there is no question, I really promised to immortalize his efforts some way.

 

Recording Sessions

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The People Inside The Piano, 1967

Liner notes by FZ, 1994

1967 dialog engineered by DICK KUNC, recorded at APOSTOLIC STUDIO, NYC.

The People Inside The Piano, 1991

Liner notes by FZ, 1994

In 1967, we spent about four months recording various projects ("UNCLE MEAT", "WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY", "RUBEN & THE JETS", and "LUMPY GRAVY") at APOSTOLIC STUDIOS, 53 E. 10th St. NYC. One day I decided to stuff a pair of U-87's in the piano, cover it with a heavy drape, put a sand bag on the sustain pedal and invite anybody in the vicinity to stick their head inside and ramble incoherently about the various topics I would suggest to them via the studio talk-back system.

This set-up remained in place for several days. During that time, many hours of recordings were made, most of it useless. Some of the people who took the challenge included Spider Barbour (leader of the rock group "CHRYSALIS" which was also recording at Apostolic when we weren't booked in), All-Night John (the studio manager), Gilly Townley (sister of the guy who owned the studio), Monica (the receptionist), Roy Estrada and Motorhead Sherwood (members of the "MOTHERS OF INVENTION"), Louis Cuneo (a guy who used to come to our live shows at the Garrick Theater and laugh like a psychotic turkey), and a few others.

Some of this dialog—after extensive editing—found its way into the "LUMPY GRAVY" album. The rest of it sat in my tape vault for decades, waiting for the glorious day when audio science would develop tools which might allow for its resurrection.

In "LUMPY GRAVY", the spoken material was intercut with sound effects, electronic textures, and orchestral recordings of short pieces, recorded at Capitol Studios, Hollywood, autumn 1966. These were all 2-track razor-blade edits. The process took about 9 months.

Because all the dialog had been recorded in (to borrow a phrase from EVELYN, A MODIFIED DOG) "pan-chromatic resonance and other highly ambient domains", it was not always possible to make certain edits sound convincing, since the ambience would vanish disturbingly at the edit point. this severely limited my ability to create the illusion that various groups of speakers, recorded on different days, were talking to each other. As a result, what emerged from the texts was a vague plot regarding pigs and ponies, threatening the lives of characters who inhabit a large piano.

In "CIVILIZATION, PHAZE III" we get a few more clues about the lives of the piano-dwellers and note that the external evils have only gotten worse since we first met them. The bulk of the musical material comes from Synclavier sequences (all music in act one). In the second act, the music is a combination of Synclavier (70%) and live performance (30%), along with a new generation of piano people.

The new residents (my daughter, Moon Unit, actor Michael Rappaport, the music preparation assistant for the "YELLOW SHARK" project, Ali N. Askin, my computer assistant, Todd Yvega, and the entire brass section of the Ensemble Modern) were recorded in a Bösendorfer Imperial at UMRK during the summer of 1991. By this time, digital editing technology had solved the ambience hang-over problem, finally making it possible to combine their fantasies in a more coherent way with the original recordings from 1967.

 

The Original Project

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1984

FZ, interviewed by Charles Armakhanian, KPFA-FM, May 17, 1984

I'm building up another collection of found objects and I'm pretty sure that there is going to be a second installment of a Lumpy Gravy-type album, because from the original Lumpy Gravy there's at least another hour's worth of dialog of those people inside the piano, the missing elements of that story could be combined with these other things to make another real strange record.

c. 1986

Barfko-Swill Insert, 1986

Coming Soon

COMING SOON
DIRECT FROM UMRK
[...]
LUMPY GRAVY PHASE III

1987

FZ, interviewed by Rick Davies, Music Technology, February 1987

And there is the sequel to Lumpy Gravy, which is done. That's an amazing piece. It's all the missing dialogue that will help you understand. If there is anything to understand about Lumpy Gravy, this is all the missing components: a single album containing the missing dialogue plus new music.

c. 1989

FZ, interviewed by William Ruhlmann, Goldmine, January 27, 1989

You'll be seeing, the beginning of this year, something called "Phase Three", which takes all the missing dialogue parts of "Lumpy Gravy" and integrates them with all-new music, which will either be completely from the Synclavier or live from this [1988] tour, which is a mixture of an 11-piece band with Synclavier with audience, all of them fitting together to be in the same style of the original "Lumpy Gravy" album, but taking it to a level of technical perfection that was impossible at the time the first "Lumpy" came out.

Mike Keneally, interviewed by Mike Keneally, Black Page Magazine, August 1989

Do you know why he hasn't released "Lumpy Gravy Phaze Three"?

Every time he gets new Synclavier software he needs to update the Synclavier portions of it. And after the 1988 tour was over, he was considering splicing in some of the improvised stuff that we did, because a lot of that was fantastic. I'm sure it'll come out eventually, and it will have been worth the wait.

[...]

Do you enjoy his Synclavier music?

Some of it is the most gorgeous music I've ever heard. Once when I was at the house he played me a very long piece, about 20 minutes, which was amazingly beautiful. I told him that and he said "yeah, now I have to go back and put in some ugly parts". Of course I like the ugly stuff.

FZ, interviewed for KNON FM, Dallas, TX, August 18, 1989

When can we expect some new Synclavier recording?

Hopefully by the end of the year.

Yeah. Is the, the Lumpy Gravy Phase III in progress?

Yeah, that'll be the one.

Den Simms, Eric Buxton & Rob Samler, "They're Doing The Interview Of The Century—Part 2," Society Pages, June 1990

DEN SIMMS: Right. We've heard talk of some possible things that you were thinking about releasing. One was Phase Three. What's the status of that?

FRANK ZAPPA: I did some more work on it two weeks ago. As a matter of fact, this German documentary [prob. Musik Werkstatt] basically concerns itself with the putting together of Phase Three.

DEN SIMMS: I see. Yeah. I guess, actually, we've heard you talk about that on numerous occasions, and what you always seem to say is "Well, there's new Synclavier stuff that I want to . . . "

FRANK ZAPPA: Well, that's a fact. It's not done, and I'll tell ya that the material that's in it, it's so unique, and I think the concept is . . . it's a real special album, and I don't wanna release it until I've optimized it. I coulda put it out a year ago, but I would've regretted it, just because of what's come along with the software on the Synclavier.

[...]

You'll hear a piano version of "Times Beach" in Phase Three.

 

Stage Presentation Project

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FZ, interviewed by Rip Rense, Los Angeles Times, October 1, 1992

I'm in negotiations currently with the Vienna Festival to do an opera for the '94 season.

Joe Jackson, RCD, 1993

He is working on an opera which, as he says 'if all goes well' will be premiered in Vienna in 1994. Needless to say, as with his musical language in general, his approach to opera is non-linear, non-traditional.

'There is very little, if any, singing in this opera' he says. 'There is the human voice but most of the material is spoken and 90 per cent of the musical accompaniment is done with a computer. And the spoken text, though comprised of comprehensible sentences and paragraphs, when you hear what's said you're still left scratching your head in terms of what people are actually saying. Largely because it was created out of found objects, pieces of conversations that were edited together to produce the plot.'

Zappa smiles ironically on revealing that the title to this little opus is Civilisation Phase Three. However, the smile disappears as he speaks about his fears that the opera may never be staged.

'The music is done, so the only thing that remains to be seen is whether or not it will be produced in Vienna', he says. 'The Director of the Vienna Festival was here a month ago and listened to the whole thing and loved it. But the problem is that the show requires a lot of machinery to stage so he's presently going around trying to syndicate the performance to five or six other opera houses to fund it. And I haven't heard from him since he was here. But I had a meeting last week with [Peter Sellars], the opera producer and though he too loved it he said 'it shouldn't go on stage, you should make a film out of it.

But hopefully, something will happen with it if, as I say, all things go well.'

FZ, interviewed by David Mead, Guitarist, June 1993

Well, there's Civilization: Phaze III, and the idea for that is to put it on stage as an 'Opera Pantomime'. All the music and the sound effects will be included in the compact disc, so what you'd see on stage would be a dance pantomime manifestation of the action and the music.

It's due to be performed in Vienna in May of '94, but I'm still waiting to find out whether it's actually going to happen. We got a fax from them yesterday—there's been a meeting between the organizer and three of his partners who are talking about financing the thing, but I don't have a contract with them yet. The CD is already done and finished, but I don't know about a release date yet. If the performance in Vienna comes off on time then I'll hold the CD up until February of '94. But if they're not going to stage it, then I'll probably put it out in September.

L.A. Times, December 6, 1994

There are plans for a stage presentation conceived by the composer and to be designed by choreographer Jamey Hampton (of the ISO dance troupe) and Matt Groening, the creator of "The Simpsons" and a longtime Zappa fan.

 

Demo Version vs. Official Release

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Comparing the music & dialog from the official Zappa Records release with the demo/pre-release version and the track listing which appeared on Black Page Magazine #43, November 1993. The matching between the demo music & dialog and the track titles is just an educated guess, according to suggestions by Patrick Buzby and Charles Ulrich. Some of the edits include cross-fading.

Demo Version Official Release

1.1. "This Is Phaze III"

SPIDER and JOHN introduce the first theme: motors.

1.1. "This Is Phaze III"

SPIDER and JOHN introduce the first theme: motors
00:01-00:22 Spider: This is Phaze III. This is also . . .
John: Well, get through Phaze I & II first.
Spider: Alright, alright. Here's Phaze I . . .
FZ: The audience sits inside of a big piano and they listen to it grow.
Spider: People are going to sit inside of a piano. They're going to listen to this piano grow.
John: They're going to listen to the piano grow?
Spider: Listen!
Monica: This is going to turn into a . . .
Spider: It's going to turn into another Haight-Ashbury.		 00:01-00:22

Spider: This is Phaze III. This is also . . .
John: Well, get through Phaze I & II first.
Spider: Alright, alright. Here's Phaze I . . .
FZ: The audience sits inside of a big piano and they listen to it grow.
Spider: People are going to sit inside of a piano. They're going to listen to this piano go.
John: They're going to listen to the piano grow.
Spider: Listen!
Monica: This is going to turn into a . . .
Spider: It's going to turn into another Haight-Ashbury.
    00:22-00:25 Remember how we commercialized on that scene?
00:22-00:42 John: That was a really good move.
Monica: Oh! That was a confession.
Spider: Right, man . . . and all it was was like people sitting in doorways freaking out tourists going "Merry Go Round! Merry Go Round! Do-Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do!" and they called that "doing their thing."
John: Oh yeah, that's what doing your thing is!
Spider: The thing is to put a motor in yourself		 00:25-00:47 John: That was a really good move.
Monica: Oh! That was a confession.
Spider: Right, man . . . and all it was was like people sitting in doorways freaking out tourists going "Merry Go Round! Merry Go Round! Do-Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do Do-Do-Do!" and they called that "doing their thing."
John: Oh yeah, that's what doing your thing is!
Spider: The thing is to put a motor in yourself

1.2. PUT A MOTOR IN YOURSELF

A yuppie precision drill team dresses for work in motorized uniforms, eventually engaging in a dance routine featuring ladder climbing, ass-kissing, karate chopping, self-hugging, eventually leading to politics and murder.

1.2. PUT A MOTOR IN YOURSELF

A yuppie precision drill team dresses for work in motorized uniforms, eventually engaging in a dance routine featuring ladder climbing, ass-kissing, karate chopping, self-hugging, eventually leading to politics and murder.
00:00-05:12   00:00-05:13  

1.3. "How'd You Get In My Piano?"

LOUIS, ROY & MOTORHEAD discover each other.

1.3. "Oh-Umm"

LOUIS, ROY & MOTORHEAD discover each other.
00:00-00:49

Gilly: Ohh. Umm. Hmm.
Girl #1: That's how long I've been here. I've been here ever since, ever since it got dark I've been here.
Louis: How did you get in my home? This is my piano. How did you get in here?
Motorhead: I thought it was my piano.
Louis: It's mine.
Roy: Since when?
Louis: Since about 10 years ago its mine.
Roy: You sure?
Louis: Yes, positively.
Roy: No, it was mine.
Louis: This is a small place, you must be blind you know.
Motorhead: Where were you at?
Roy: Could have been one nine . . . No, it couldn't have been one-nine-oh . . .
Louis: It couldn't have been any more . . . How about try, just try 'G' . . .
Roy: How did you happen to get in here?
Louis: My mother said to me "You're a bad boy, Louis the Turkey. You'd better, you'd you you you'd better go on 'E' and stay on 'E' and you'll never see the world . . . you're a bad boy 'cause you you went to the bathroom on the floor!" you know?
Motorhead: Did they make you clean it up?
Louis: No, they made me eat it.
Roy: Ooh.

 00:00-00:50

Gilly: Ohh. Umm. Hmm.
Girl #1: That's how long I've been here. I've been here ever since, ever since it got dark I've been here.
Louis: How did you get in my home? This is my piano. How did you get in here?
Motorhead: I thought it was my piano.
Louis: It's mine.
Roy: Since when?
Louis: Since about 10 years ago its mine.
Roy: You sure?
Louis: Yes, positively.
Roy: No, it was mine.
Louis: This is a small place, you must be blind you know.
Motorhead: Where were you at?
Roy: Could have been one nine . . . No, it couldn't have been one-nine-oh . . .
Louis: It couldn't have been any more . . . How about try, just try 'G' . . .
Roy: How did you happen to get in here?
Louis: My mother said to me "You're a bad boy, Louis the Turkey. You'd better, you'd you you you'd better go on 'E' and stay on 'E' and you'll never see the world . . . you're a bad boy 'cause you you went to the bathroom on the floor!" you know?
Motorhead: Did they make you clean it up?
Louis: No, they made me eat it.
Roy: Ooh.

1.4. THEY MADE ME EAT IT

The gigantic piano hammers begin to move as the characters dance to avoid them.

 1.4. THEY MADE ME EAT IT
00:00-00:59   00:00-00:59  
    00:59-01:09  
00:59-01:19      
01:19-01:30   01:09-01:19  

1.5. "It's Cushioned"

MONICA and LARRY appear in another area.

    
00:00-00:28

Girl #1: What's it like when . . . when they play the piano? Does it hurt your ears?
Larry: No, I found a corner
Girl #1: Yeah
Larry: Yeah
Girl #1: Soundproof
Larry: Well, not really soundproof but it doesn't bother you as much as outside . . . you you sneak in
Girl #1: Lucky you found such a big piano, you know
Larry: You sneak under the back, see? Way here down here. Get way down here here inside and when you hide in the corner, nobody can find you. See, they can't hear nothing 'cause it's cushioned

 01:19-01:48

Girl #1: What's it like when . . . when they play the piano? Does it hurt your ears?
Larry: No, I found a corner
Girl #1: Yeah
Larry: Yeah
Girl #1: Soundproof
Larry: Well, not really soundproof but it doesn't bother you as much as outside . . . you you sneak in
Girl #1: Lucky you found such a big piano, you know
Larry: You sneak under the back, see? Way here down here. Get way down here here inside and when you hide in the corner, nobody can find you. See, they can't hear nothing 'cause it's cushioned

1.6. XMAS VALUES

Lights come up on the left and right tableau sets, each featuring a Christmas tree, The left set shows the yuppie dancers mutating into pigs. The right set has them mutating into ponies. As the transformations are completed, the two groups leave home smash each other in the third tableau (shopping mall) area.

1.9. XMAS VALUES

Lights come up on the left and right tableau sets, each featuring a Christmas tree. The left set shows the yuppie dancers mutating into pigs. The right set has them mutating into ponies. As the transformations are completed, the two groups leave home and smash each other in the third tableau (shopping mall) area.
00:00-00:37   00:00-00:37  
00:37-00:43      
00:43-05:18   00:37-05:15  
    05:15-05:16  
05:18-05:24      
05:24-05:32   05:16-05:24  
05:32-05:41      
05:41-05:48   05:24-05:31  

1.7. "You Caught Me, Didn't You!"

MONICA and LARRY discuss food.

 

  
00:00-00:42 Girl #1: Am I the first person who's coming to visit you?
Larry: No, so many people came in before but I hid and they never found me, see? But, uh, you caught me, didn't you?
Girl #1: Well I won't tell anybody you're here.
Larry: Sure?
Girl #1: I promise.
Larry: Okay. You and me friends?
Girl #1: Sure!
Larry: You wanna come down with me [...]?
Girl #1: Yeah. I can bring you food sometimes maybe.
Larry: Oh, I don't need no food.
Girl #1: You don't?
Larry: No! They set things on top of the piano. I get 'em now and then.
Girl #1: Hey, Larry Fanoga . . .
Larry: Mmh?
Girl #1: Don't you have a family?
Larry: No.
Girl #1: Where are you from?
Larry: Where? I don't remember, it's been so long.		    

1.8. REAGAN AT BITBURG

The shopping mall tableau does a quick change, becoming The Bitburg Cemetery. Ronald Reagan appears and lays a wreath on an SS officer's grave. Within moments the stage is filled with happy dancing Nazi-pigs and Nazi-ponies.

1.5. REAGAN AT BITBURG

The shopping mall tableau does a quick change, becoming The Bitburg Cemetery. Ronald Reagan appears and lays a wreath on an SS officer's grave. Within moments the stage is filled with happy dancing Nazi-pigs and Nazi-ponies.
00:00-00:26   00:00-00:26  
00:26-00:43 [same melody, different timbre] 00:26-00:43  
00:43-01:50   00:43-01:51  
    01:51-01:53  
01:50-02:21   01:53-02:22  
02:21-02:29      
02:29-02:42   02:22-02:35  
    02:35-02:43  
02:42-03:04   02:43-03:05  
    03:05-03:09  
03:04-03:19   03:09-03:24  
03:19-03:20      
    03:24-03:37  
03:20-05:20   03:37-05:39  

1.9. "A Very Nice Body Too"

ROY and LOUIS reminisce about Reagan's personal attributes. SPIDER and JOHN pop up to comment.

1.6. "A Very Nice Body"

ROY and LOUIS reminisce about Reagan's personal attribute. SPIDER and JOHN pop up to comment.
00:00-00:59

Louis: Yes . . .
Roy: I kind of miss him
Louis: Yeah, me too
Roy: Getting on top of him and all
Louis: He had a very nice body too
Roy: Yeah, even though he was a, a . . . Oh well
Louis: A dual personality, you know
Roy: Yeah
Louis: We have to think of what he's doin' out there?
Roy: What did he go out there for anyway?
Louis: Maybe . . .
Roy: Maybe he wanted to get on top of one of those horse . . . ponies
Louis: Yes, maybe he wants to have intercourse with them!
Roy: What?
Louis: Intercourse!
Roy: Well, if he doesn't get clawed first
Louis: Yes, that's right. But, maybe, maybe he will find a real nice, a very nice kind horse, you know
Roy: A horse, yeah horse. Whore-sss
Louis: Boogey-man or something. Something out there. You might find a nice kind . . .
Roy: Boogey-man?
Louis: Well, something, you know. I don't know what it is myself—a horse—'cause human beings, decent human beings. Nice place to live
Roy: Beans? You call them human beans?
Louis: And then before they turn to be boogey-men or . . .
Roy: That's why they came into the Steinway
Louis: Yes, that's why 'cause I just couldn't take them anymore, you know. They were vicious, too vicious. So I had to go, I had to, I had to come in here
Spider: Like, we can't understand what they're saying to each other
John: I know

 00:00-01:00

Louis: Yes . . .
Roy: I kind of miss him
Louis: Yeah, me too
Roy: Getting on top of him and all
Louis: He had a very nice body too
Roy: Yeah, even though he was a, a . . . Oh well
Louis: A dual personality, you know
Roy: Yeah
Louis: We have to think of what he's doin' out there?
Roy: What did he go out there for anyway?
Louis: Maybe . . .
Roy: Maybe he wanted to get on top of one of those horse . . . ponies
Louis: Yes, maybe he wants to have intercourse with them!
Roy: What?
Louis: Intercourse!
Roy: Well, if he doesn't get clawed first
Louis: Yes, that's right. But, maybe, maybe he will find a real nice, a very nice kind horse, you know
Roy: A horse, yeah horse. Whore-sss
Louis: Boogey-man or something. Something out there. You might find a nice kind . . .
Roy: Boogey-man?
Louis: Well, something, you know. I don't know what it is myself—a horse—'cause human beings, decent human beings. Nice place to live
Roy: Beans? You call them human beans?
Louis: And then before they turn to be boogey-men or . . .
Roy: That's why they came into the Steinway
Louis: Yes, that's why 'cause I just couldn't take them anymore, you know. They were vicious, too vicious. So I had to go, I had to, I had to come in here
Spider: Like, we can't understand what they're saying to each other
John: I know

1.10. NAVANAX

In a corner tableau, representing an old night club, a group of dancers, dressed as iazzbo-pigs, pretend to perform something avante-garde, miming in bogus rock video style.

1.7. NAVANAX

In a corner tableau, representing an old night club, a group of dancers, dressed as Jazzbopigs, pretend to perform something avant-garde, miming in bogus rock video style.
00:00-00:29   00:00-00:30  
    00:30-00:39  
00:29-01:30   00:39-01:40  

1.11. "How The Pigs' Music Works"

The first of many pseudo-scientific discussions.

1.8. "How The Pigs' Music Works"

The first of many pseudo-scientific discussions.
00:00-01:47

Spider: I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works
Monica: Well, this should be interesting
Spider: Remember that they make music with a very dense light
John: Yeah
Monica: O.K.
Spider: And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right?
Monica: Right
John: Yeah?
Spider: I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split
Monica: Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs?
Spider: No, it isn't like that
John: Well, how does it work?
Spider: Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold light makes it get so small, this is really brittle smoke
John: And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it
Spider: See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates
John: And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day
Monica: You know we've got something here
John: And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . .
Spider: Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it

 00:00-01:49

Spider: I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works
Monica: Well, this should be interesting
Spider: Remember that they make music with a very dense light
John: Yeah
Monica: O.K.
Spider: And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right?
Monica: Right
John: Yeah?
Spider: I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split
Monica: Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs?
Spider: No, it isn't like that
John: Well, how does it work?
Spider: Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold light makes it get so small, this is really brittle smoke
John: And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it
Spider: See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates
John: And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day
Monica: You know we've got something here
John: And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up . . .
Spider: Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it

1.12. SECULAR HUMANISM

On the opposite side of the stage, pony-clad dancers pretend to eat a Christian Family Values Dinner.

2.2. SECULAR HUMANISM

On the opposite side of the stage, pony-clad dancers pretend to eat a Christian Family Values Dinner.
00:00-02:38   00:00-02:41  
02:38-02:54      

1.13. "It's Not Even A Wurlitzer"

A heated discussion concerning what kind of a piano this really is. Eventually a grave is discovered in a distant corner.

1.13. RELIGIOUS SUPERSTITION [PART 2]
00:00-00:09 Motorhead: He's in the wrong piano
Louis: No, you're in the wrong piano
Roy: No . . .
Motorhead: This is a Steinway
Louis: You are!
Roy: It's not a Baldwin . . .
Motorhead: Yeah
Roy: It's not even a Wurlitzer
FZ: Saliva can only take so much		 00:34-00:43

Motorhead: He's in the wrong piano
Louis: No, you're in the wrong piano
Roy: No . . .
Motorhead: This is a Steinway
Louis: You are!
Roy: It's not a Baldwin . . .
Motorhead: Yeah
Roy: It's not even a Wurlitzer
FZ: Saliva can only take so much
   

1.14. "Saliva Can Only Take So Much"

A heated discussion concerning what kind of a piano this really is. Eventually a grave is discovered in a distant corner.
00:09-00:36 Spider: Saliva can only take so much.
Louis: Well I got sores. I got my skin burnt uh cut open a couple times. It felt good. Wow, it felt good. And I really, I really climaxed.
Becky: Ahh. In other words, we never even had . . . Ahh.
Maxine: We didn't have a chance, baby (Laugh). These holes are just the right size.
Becky: They really look like it, yes . . . indeed, indeed.
Maxine: Right . . .
Becky: Indeed.
Maxine: Yeah.
Gilly: And here's a grave.
Becky: Yeah.
Maxine: A grave?
Gilly: Yes, a grave.		 00:00-00:27

Spider: Saliva can only take so much.
Louis: Well I got sores. I got my skin burnt uh cut open a couple times. It felt good. Wow, it felt good. And I really, I really climaxed.
Becky: Ahh. In other words, we never even had . . . Ahh.
Maxine: We didn't have a chance, baby (Laugh). These holes are just the right size.
Becky: They really look like it, yes . . . indeed, indeed.
Maxine: Right . . .
Becky: Indeed.
Maxine: Yeah.
Gilly: And here's a grave.
Becky: Yeah.
Maxine: A grave?
Gilly: Yes, a grave.

1.14. BUFFALO VOICE

The ghost of some former female piano-dweller rises from the grave, dances within the piano structure, leaves it (Peter Pan Style) for a preview visit to the next few tableau sites, finally returning to her resting spot under the resonator.

1.15. BUFFALO VOICE

The ghost of some former female piano-dweller rises from the grave, dances within the piano structure, leaves it (Peter Pan Style) for a preview visit to the next few tableau sites, finally returning to her resting spot under the resonator.
00:00-05:05   00:00-05:12  

1.15. "Someplace Else Right Now"

Seeing the ghost return, GILLY complains about over-crowding in her part of the piano, but doesn't know where else to go.

1.16. "Someplace Else Right Now"

Seeing the ghost return, GILLY complains about over-crowding in her part of the piano, but doesn't know where else to go.
00:00-00:31

Gilly: I'd like to be . . . someplace else right now. It's much too crowded in here. Where would I like to be?
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh, I don't know
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I like strings a whole lot
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: (sigh)
Girl #1: Huh? Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh it's so hard
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I can't think of anything else
Girl #1: Hmm
Gilly: The piano, a drum, strings
Motorhead: These strings are so tempting
Roy: Uh huh
Gilly: That's it exactly

 00:00-00:32

Gilly: I'd like to be . . . someplace else right now. It's much too crowded in here. Where would I like to be?
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh, I don't know
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I like strings a whole lot
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: (sigh)
Girl #1: Huh? Where would you like to be?
Gilly: Oh it's so hard
Girl #1: Where would you like to be?
Gilly: I can't think of anything else
Girl #1: Hmm
Gilly: The piano, a drum, strings
Motorhead: These strings are so tempting
Roy: Uh huh
Gilly: That's it exactly

1.16. GET A LIFE

GILLY does a bad imitation of Martha Graham wrist-to-forehead choreography, hanging from the piano strings and punching back at the hammers as they oppress her.

1.17. GET A LIFE

GILLY does a bad imitation of Martha Graham wrist-to-forehead choreography, hanging from the piano strings and punching back at the hammers as they oppress her.
00:00-02:17   00:00-02:20  
02:17-02:50      

1.17. "A Kayak (On Snow)"

It is now time for GIRL 1 to recite bad poetry, leading to a short discussion of worms.

1.18. "A Kayak (On Snow)"

It is now time for MONICA to recite bad poetry, leading to a short discussion of worms.
00:00-00:28

Monica: A kayak . . . on snow . . . a mountain
Spider: There's a mountain on the beach?
Monica: It was under the beach
John: A mountain under the beach?
Monica: Yeah
John: How did you get to it?
Monica: We didn't, it found us
Spider: It came up through the beach?
Monica: No, it never came up. And the moon, the moon was shining on the sand. And we saw the mountain with the snow
John: Underneath?
Monica: Underneath
Spider: Did you see any of those little worms like . . . like were in the mud?

 00:00-00:28

Monica: A kayak . . . on snow . . . a mountain
Spider: There's a mountain on the beach?
Monica: It was under the beach
John: A mountain under the beach?
Monica: Yeah
John: How did you get to it?
Monica: We didn't, it found us
Spider: It came up through the beach?
Monica: No, it never came up. And the moon, the moon was shining on the sand. And we saw the mountain with the snow
John: Underneath?
Monica: Underneath
Spider: Did you see any of those little worms like . . . like were in the mud?

1.18. WHAT WORMS ARE THINKING

The area surrounding the piano is lit to reveal dozens of dancers-as-worms worshipping a stuffed pig, dressed as the Pope, circling the stage on a little motorized wagon.

 2.13. GROSS MAN [PART 2]
00:00-02:34   00:01-02:40  
    02:40-02:54  
02:34-02:37      

1.19. "A Tunnel Into Muck"

JOHN reveals a problem which seems to plague him during periods of intense excavation.

2.14. "A Tunnel Into Muck"

JOHN reveals a problem which seems to plague him during periods of intense excavation.
00:00-00:20

John: Maybe the kayak is just a big worm
Monica: I found that to be a possibility
Spider: The worms stop in the tunnels sometimes
John: Where are the tunnels?
Spider: They're in the muck
John: In the muck?
Spider: Yeah, you saw the muck
John: But, you know, whenever I try to tunnel into muck, it always collapses on me

 00:00-00:21

John: Maybe the kayak is just a big worm
Monica: I found that to be a possibility
Spider: The worms stop in the tunnels sometimes
John: Where are the tunnels?
Spider: They're in the muck
John: In the muck?
Spider: Yeah, you saw the muck
John: But, you know, whenever I try to tunnel into muck, it always collapses on me

1.20. DIO FA

The piano exterior area is now inhabited by dancers-as-ponies, wearing Catholic religious garments. The Pig-Pope is dead. He is upside down now, and his wagon is being towed away. The new Pony Pope is being adored. Dancer-ponies team up to pull his splendid new wagon toward the audience.

2.19. DIO FA

The piano exterior area is now inhabited by dancers-as-ponies, wearing Catholic religious garments. The Pig Pope is dead. He is upside down now, and his wagon is being towed away. The new Pony Pope is being adored. Dancer-ponies team up to pull his splendid new wagon toward the audience.
[different mix with somewhat identifiable matching parts] [different mix with somewhat identifiable matching parts]
00:00-02:04   00:00-02:05  
...   ...  
02:35-03:13   03:45-04:26  
...   ...  
03:26-03:57   04:47-05:18  
    ...  
03:57-04:38   05:49-06:38  
    ...  
04:38-04:59   07:04-07:26  
...   ...  
05:27-05:35   08:11-08:18  

1.21. "That Would Be The End Of That"

SPIDER and JOHN realize that they don't even understand their own music.

2.20. "That Would Be The End Of That"

SPIDER and JOHN realize that they don't even understand their own music.
00:00-00:35

Spider: We can get our strength up by making some music
John: That's right
Monica: Yeah . . . yeah
John: But the thing is, you know what?
Spider: What?
John: We don't even understand our own music
Spider: It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength
John: I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it
Spider: We'd get more strength from it if we understood it?
John: Yeah
Spider: No, I don't think so, because—see I think, I think our strength comes from our uncertainty. If we understood it we'd be bored with it and then we couldn't gather any strength from it
John: Like if we knew about our music one of us might talk and then that would be the end of that

 00:00-00:35

Spider: We can get our strength up by making some music
John: That's right
Monica: Yeah . . . yeah
John: But the thing is, you know what?
Spider: What?
John: We don't even understand our own music
Spider: It doesn't, does it matter whether we understand it? At least it'll give us . . . strength
John: I know but maybe we could get into it more if we understood it
Spider: We'd get more strength from it if we understood it?
John: Yeah
Spider: No, I don't think so, because—see I think, I think our strength comes from our uncertainty. If we understood it we'd be bored with it and then we couldn't gather any strength from it
John: Like if we knew about our music one of us might talk and then that would be the end of that

1.22-30. BEAT THE REAPER

With the thunderclap, various types of inexplicable social actions break out all over the piano. Each of the nine movements within this piece should alternate the focus from piano interior, region by region, with the exterior, region by region, The actions should illustrate the current fetish for life extending or "youthening" trends. including meditation, bizarre diets, pill and algae consumption, violent aerobics, "THE EASY GLIDER", stairsteppers, etc.

2.21. BEAT THE REAPER

With the thunderclap, various types of inexplicable social actions break out all over the piano. Each of the nine movements within this piece should alternate the focus from piano interior, region by region, with the exterior, region by region. The actions should illustrate the current fetish for life extendind or "youthening" trends, including meditation, bizarre diets, pill and algae consumption, violent aerobics, "THE EASY GLIDER", stair-steppers, etc.
00:00-00:19   00:00-00:19  
00:19-01:21      
01:21-16:15   00:19-15:23  

1.31. WAFFENSPIEL

Life goes on outside the piano—more rain, excitable dogs, automatic weapons fire, traffic, building demolition, etc. THE REAPER, much to the dismay of the dancers in the previous piece, arrives (when the car door slams) to claim them. ACT ONE ends with a large model of a cropdusting plane, spraying the audience with a toxic substance.

2.22. WAFFENSPIEL

Life goes on outside the piano—more rain, excitable dogs, automatic weapons fire, traffic, building demolition, etc. THE REAPER, much to the dismay of the dancers in the previous piece, arrives (when the car door slams) to claim them. ACT TWO ends with a large model of a crop-dusting plane, spraying the audience with a toxic substance.
00:00-04:01   00:00-04:04  
04:01-05:56 [repeats 02:16-04:01]    

2.1. "Motors? No! No! No!"

ROY and LOUIS open with more speculation on motors.

2.1. "I Wish Motorhead Would Come Back"

ROY and LOUIS open with more speculation on motors.
00:00-00:14

Louis: Ah, I wish Motorhead would come back. Oh wow, Motorhead . . . Motorhead . . . Where are you Motorhead?
Roy: He's probably getting eaten by one of those ponies
Louis: Yes
Roy: Maybe he's out there playing with motors
Louis: Motors?! Motors? . . . No! no! no!

 00:00-00:14

Louis: Ah, I wish Motorhead would come back. Oh wow, Motorhead . . . Motorhead . . . Where are you Motorhead?
Roy: He's probably getting eaten by one of those ponies
Louis: Yes
Roy: Maybe he's out there playing with motors
Louis: Motors?! Motors? . . . No! no! no!

2.2-7. N-LITE

This dance shows the exterior world crushed by evil science, ecological disaster, political failure, justice denied, and religious stupidity.

I. Negative Light

The left tableau is now a mad scientist's laboratory. He has invented negative light and is murdering an assortment of caged animals with it.

II. Venice Submerged

The center tableau shows us dancers dressed as Venetian landmark buildings, vanishing beneath waves of childishly grinding "stage water".

III. The New World Order

The right tableau is a dark city with ragged citizins moving in lines from place to place, supervised by squadrons of uniformed ponies.

IV. The Lifestyle You Deserve

The left tableau is now a courtroom. Pigs are suing each other and dragging away bags of money.

V. Creationism

The center tableau is now a cubistic collage of badly imagined Bible stories, including the Garden of Eden, Noah's Ark. Sodom & Gommorah, etc. Pig and Pony dancers re-enact these scenes, but interweave them, resulting in an imcomprehensible finale.

VI. He Is Risen

JESUS pops up in the middle of all this like a baffled jack-in-the-box. The dancers attempt to worship him, but he casts them away. After examining the mess they have of his parables, he disposes of them with a holy hand grenade, and leaps into the piano.

1.19. N-LITE

This dance shows the exterior world crushed by evil science, ecological disaster, political failure, justice denied, and religious stupidity.

I. Negative Light

The left tableau is now a mad scientist's laboratory. He has invented negative light and is murdering an assortment of caged animals with it.

II. Venice Submerged

The center tableau shows us dancers dressed as Venetian landmark buildings, vanishing beneath waves of childishly grinding "stage water".

III. The New World Order

The right tableau is a dark city with ragged citizens moving in lines from place to place, supervised by squadrons of uniformed ponies.

IV. The Lifestyle You Deserve

The left tableau is now a courtroom. Pigs are suing each other and dragging away bags of money.

V. Creationism

The center tableau is now a cubistic collage of badly imagined Bible stories, including the Garden of Eden, Noah's Ark, Sodom & Gomorrah, etc. Pig and Pony dancers re-enact these scenes, but interweave them, resulting in an incomprehensible finale.

VI. He Is Risen

JESUS pops up in the middle of all this like a baffled jack-in-the-box. The dancers attempt to worship him, but he casts them away. After examining the mess they have made of his parables, he disposes of them with a holy hand grenade, and leaps into the piano.
00:00-09:18   00:00-09:20  
09:18-09:27      
09:27-09:35   09:20-09:28  
    09:28-09:31  
09:35-10:25   09:31-10:21  
10:25-10:38      
10:38-12:23   10:21-12:06  
12:23-12:31      
12:31-12:47   12:06-12:23  
    12:23-12:28  
12:47-12:52      
12:52-12:57   12:28-12:33  
12:57-13:09      
13:09-13:18   12:33-12:44  
13:18-13:22      
13:22-13:25   12:44-12:47  
13:25-13:31      
13:31-13:37   12:47-12:53  
13:37-13:55      
13:55-14:27   12:53-13:25  
14:27-14:50      
14:50-14:59   13:25-13:34  
    13:34-14:08  
14:59-15:37   14:08-14:47  
15:37-15:40      
    14:47-15:03  
15:40-18:35   15:03-18:00  

2.8. "Dark Water"

The center tableau returns to its Venetian configuration. As the piano characters discuss the meaning of this dark water, JESUS listens nearby.

1.10. "Dark Water!"

The center tableau returns to its Venetian configuration. As the piano characters discuss the meaning of this dark water, JESUS listens nearby.
00:00-00:23

Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: Yeah, it's trying to say something . . .
Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k-k-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: I know . . . It's not trying to say something to us at all . . . It's trying to say something to the pig
John: Dark water . . .
Spider: I forget . . . It's . . .
John: Dark water on top of the muck

 00:00-00:23

Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: Yeah, it's trying to say something . . .
Monica: D-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k-k-k W-a-a-a-t-e-r-r-r
Spider: I know . . . It's not trying to say something to us at all . . . It's trying to say something to the pig
John: Dark water . . .
Spider: I forget . . . It's . . .
John: Dark water on top of the muck
00:23-00:28      
    1.11. AMNERIKA
    00:00-03:03  
    1.12. "Have You Ever Heard Their Band?"
00:28-01:06

Monica: Have you ever heard their band?
Spider: I don't understand it though. Their band, I don't understand . . .
Monica: I . . . I don't think they understand it either
Spider: What? The smoke?
John & Monica: The band!
Spider: The band doesn't understand what?
Monica: Did you know that?
FZ: The smoke stands still
John: There's some kind of thing that's giving us all these revelations
Spider: Yeah, well that's the . . .
John: It's . . . It's . . . It's this funny voice . . . and he keeps telling us all these things and I . . . it . . . I just thought that before we just thought of these things . . . ya know, like just off the wall and out of our heads
Spider: No.

 00:00-00:38

Monica: Have you ever heard their band?
Spider: I don't understand it though. Their band, I don't understand . . .
Monica: I . . . I don't think they understand it either
Spider: What? The smoke?
John & Monica: The band!
Spider: The band doesn't understand what?
Monica: Did you know that?
FZ: The smoke stands still
John: There's some kind of thing that's giving us all these revelations
Spider: Yeah, well that's the . . .
John: It's . . . It's . . . It's this funny voice . . . and he keeps telling us all these things and I . . . it . . . I just thought that before we just thought of these things . . . ya know, like just off the wall and out of our heads
Spider: No.

2.9. RELIGIOUS SUPERSTITION

JESUS leans out of the piano and, with a few mystical hand movements, causes the sunken buildings of Venice to re-surface. Rising with them we see large, perversely mutated crabs.

1.13. RELIGIOUS SUPERSTITION [PART 1]

JESUS leans out of the piano and, with a few mystical hand movements, causes the sunken buildings of Venice to re-surface. Rising with them we see large, perversely mutated crabs.
00:00-00:35

Spider: That's religious superstition.

 00:00-00:35

Spider: That's religious superstition.
00:35-00:36

Gilly: That's it exactly

    

2.10. "Attack! Attack! Attack!"

ROY and LOUIS discuss the crabs.

2.3. "Attack! Attack! Attack!"

ROY and LOUIS discuss the crabs.
00:00-00:22

Louis: RAAAH! ATTACK! ATTACK! Attack and get on ee, eee, each pony or . . . boogey man or something
Roy: Sure, aren't you glad I'm not too hairy . . .
Louis: Yeah . . .
Roy: . . . Too hairy! . . . heh, heh
Louis: . . . That beats . . . yes . . . (Louie laughs like a turkey)
Roy: . . . That's why they have a lot of crabs . . .
Louis: . . . Yes, and um . . .
Roy: . . . A set of crabs?!
Louis: Crabs are really dangerous, and they r-r-rich as fires and every once in a while you walk in the streets and when I . . . when I heard of these from, from talk from my, from my home here, my piano!

 00:00-00:22

Louis: RAAAH! ATTACK! ATTACK! Attack and get on ee, eee, each pony or . . . boogey man or something
Roy: Sure, aren't you glad I'm not too hairy . . .
Louis: Yeah . . .
Roy: . . . Too hairy! . . . heh, heh
Louis: . . . That beats . . . yes . . . (Louie laughs like a turkey)
Roy: . . . That's why they have a lot of crabs . . .
Louis: . . . Yes, and um . . .
Roy: . . . A set of crabs?!
Louis: Crabs are really dangerous, and they r-r-rich as fires and every once in a while you walk in the streets and when I . . . when I heard of these from, from talk from my, from my home here, my piano!

2.11. "It's Still Dark In Here"

GILLY is still complaining as two more girls appear to argue with her.

    
00:00-00:27 Gilly: Huh, my piano . . . It's still dark in here . . . It's the same as it ever was . . . I'm here . . . (sigh) I'm not the same as I ever was 00:22-00:49 Gilly: Huh, my piano . . . It's still dark in here . . . It's the same as it ever was . . . I'm here . . . (sigh) I'm not the same as I ever was
00:27-00:36      
00:36-01:12

Gilly: Either you're here and I'm here or I'm very different . . .
Girl #2: . . . Than?
Gilly: (Sigh)
Girl #1: Now, wait a minute. I . . . those are my bass strings . . . and . . . uh . . . I . . . I get the bass strings. If there are going to be three of us here, I want the bass strings. That's all there is . . .
Gilly: (Interrupting) Who are you?
Girl #1: I live here!
Girl #2: I live here!
Gilly: Who are you?!
Girl #2: I live here
Girl #1: I live here!
Gilly: (Sighs) That's my name too
(All girls sigh)
Gilly: Were you ever not living here?
Girl #1: I don't think so
Girl #2: Nah, I was in a drum

 00:49-01:24

Gilly: Either you're here and I'm here or I'm very different . . .
Girl #2: . . . Than?
Gilly: (Sigh)
Girl #1: Now, wait a minute. I . . . those are my bass strings . . . and . . . uh . . . I . . . I get the bass strings. If there are going to be three of us here, I want the bass strings. That's all there is . . .
Gilly: (Interrupting) Who are you?
Girl #1: I live here!
Girl #2: I live here!
Gilly: Who are you?!
Girl #2: I live here
Girl #1: I live here!
Gilly: (Sighs) That's my name too
(All girls sigh)
Gilly: Were you ever not living here?
Girl #1: I don't think so
Girl #2: Nah, I was in a drum

2.12. LIFE IN A DRUM

All three tableau areas become part of a game show set, reminiscent of "The American Gladiators". Pigs and Ponies battle each other for exciting cash prizes.

2.4. I WAS IN A DRUM

All three tableau areas become part of a game show set, reminiscent of "The American Gladiators". Pigs and Ponies battle each other for exciting cash prizes.
    00:00-03:38  
00:00-03:05      

2.13. "The Big Note"

With JESUS scratching his head perplexedly nearby, SPIDER gives his version of the origin of the universe,

2.5. "A Different Octave"

With JESUS scratching his head perplexedly nearby, SPIDER gives his version of the origins of the universe.
00:00-00:48

Spider: We are . . . actually the same note, but . . .
John: But different octave
Spider: Right. We are 4,928 octaves below the big note
Girl #3: Are ya . . . are you trying to tell me that . . . that this whole universe revolves around one note?
Spider: No, it doesn't revolve around it; that's what it is. It's one note

Spider: Everybody knows that lights are notes. Light, light, is just a vibration of the note, too. Everything is.
Girl #3: That one note makes everything else so insignificant
John: What about negative light?
Spider: Pigs use it for a tambourine, which is one of the reasons why their music is so hard to understand

 00:00-00:50

Spider: We are . . . actually the same note, but . . .
John: But different octave
Spider: Right. We are 4,928 octaves below the big note
Girl #3: Are ya . . . are you trying to tell me that . . . that this whole universe revolves around one note?
Spider: No, it doesn't revolve around it; that's what it is. It's one note

Spider: Everybody knows that lights are notes. Light, light, is just a vibration of the note, too. Everything is.
Girl #3: That one note makes everything else so insignificant
John: What about negative light?
Spider: Pigs use it for a tambourine, which is one of the reasons why their music is so hard to understand

2.14. THE PARTIALLY ANSWERED QUESTION

A whole new area of the piano is lit to reveal another group of characters, arguing about whether or not the piano provides room service.

  
00:00-00:07   00:50-00:57  
00:07-01:17      
    2.6. "This Ain't CNN" [PART 1]
01:17-02:33 Ali: I bin grad nei' kimma, und do hob I g'sehn, daß . . .
Stefan: Ah, Bayern raus!
Mike: This ain't the U.N., man!
Daryl: Scusate un po'. Io non ho capito un cazzo
Mike: Hey, yo man!
Ali: Versteh' kein Wort, I bin jetzt in dem Klavier herinna, und's klingt so komisch . . .
Bill: Die spreekt geen normal taal.
Mike: This ain't CNN
Moon: Am I the only girl in here?
Stefan: Uh, huh . . .
Moon: It is dark and I am nervous . . .
Mike: Hey, hey, hey! She's with me, champ!
Franck: Turlututu, chapeau pointu.
(Laughter)
Daryl: A me non importa da dove viene, a me non importa da dove sta andando.
Ali: Da kimmt ma' scho rum in dies'm Klavier, gell?
Moon: Honey, I don't like this . . .
Mike: Hey, yo, my man, my fists speak English!
Ali: I ned, I ned! Wenn I red, red scho' bay'risch . . .
Stefan: Oh, God . . .
Franck: . . . you think that English is the only . . . each language in the world . . .
(More mumbling and laughing among themselves)
Svoboda: Bevor Ich hier herein gekommen bin, hab Ich ein Pastrami Sandwich gegessen, das war tierisch gut . . .
Bill: This . . . this guy . . . this guy wants something to eat, man
Moon: I understood "pastrami sandwich"
Ali: Gebt's ihm ein Pony, gebt's ihm doch ein Pony . . .
Mike: In the brochure, they said that there was a good room service here
Moon: They said 24-hour room service . . .
Daryl: Did they give you a number?
Moon: Just dial the operator and they can tell us
Daryl: . . . the right information . . .
Mike: I haven't gotten an operator since I came here . . . excuse me . . . I asked you a couple a . . .
Moon: Can you put . . .
Mike: Excuse me . . . where's the pay phone?
Svoboda: Pay phone . . .
Mike: Pay phone
Moon: . . . We don't need . . .
Bill And Ali: Pay phone
Mike: How we gonna get the room service without the pay phone?
Svoboda: Pay phone . . . pay phone
Franck: Telephone de payer
Ali: De payer? . . . Ah—Ein Zahltelefon!		 00:00-01:16 Ali: I bin grad nei' kimma, und do hob I g'sehn, daß . . .
Stefan: Ah, Bayern raus!
Mike: This ain't the U.N., man!
Daryl: Scusate un po'. Io non ho capito un cazzo
Mike: Hey, yo man!
Ali: Versteh' kein Wort, I bin jetzt in dem Klavier herinna, und's klingt so komisch . . .
Bill: Die spreekt geen normal taal.
Mike: This ain't CNN
Moon: Am I the only girl in here?
Stefan: Uh, huh . . .
Moon: It is dark and I am nervous . . .
Mike: Hey, hey, hey! She's with me, champ!
Franck: Turlututu, chapeau pointu.
(Laughter)
Daryl: A me non importa da dove viene, a me non importa da dove sta andando.
Ali: Da kimmt ma' scho rum in dies'm Klavier, gell?
Moon: Honey, I don't like this . . .
Mike: Hey, yo, my man, my fists speak English!
Ali: I ned, I ned! Wenn I red, red scho' bay'risch . . .
Stefan: Oh, God . . .
Franck: . . . you think that English is the only . . . each language in the world . . .
(More mumbling and laughing among themselves)
Svoboda: Bevor Ich hier herein gekommen bin, hab Ich ein Pastrami Sandwich gegessen, das war tierisch gut . . .
Bill: This . . . this guy . . . this guy wants something to eat, man
Moon: I understood "pastrami sandwich"
Ali: Gebt's ihm ein Pony, gebt's ihm doch ein Pony . . .
Mike: In the brochure, they said that there was a good room service here
Moon: They said 24-hour room service . . .
Daryl: Did they give you a number?
Moon: Just dial the operator and they can tell us
Daryl: . . . the right information . . .
Mike: I haven't gotten an operator since I came here . . . excuse me . . . I asked you a couple a . . .
Moon: Can you put . . .
Mike: Excuse me . . . where's the pay phone?
Svoboda: Pay phone . . .
Mike: Pay phone
Moon: . . . We don't need . . .
Bill And Ali: Pay phone
Mike: How we gonna get the room service without the pay phone?
Svoboda: Pay phone . . . pay phone
Franck: Telephone de payer
Ali: De payer? . . . Ah—Ein Zahltelefon!

2.15. "Telefon Carte"

JESUS tries to settle the question by pulling a German telephone credit card out of his robe, solemnly reading the text to everyone.

 2.6. "This Ain't CNN" [PART 2]
00:00-02:02

Hermann: Telefonkarte. Qualität und Sicherheit aus einer Hand
Bill: This guy doesn't even know what a pay phone is! What the hell is he doing here in the first place?
Hermann: Wir sind Deutschlands Kommunikationsgesellschaft.
Ali: Gestern waren wir, frühstücken, mittagessen . . .
Hermann: 30 11 03 1 1 4 3 6, Qualität aus einer Hand . . . Telekom.
Mike: Excuse me, we paid money . . . heh . . . to be alone . . . wit' some privacy . . .
Bill: Well that's just too bad. Uh, you could be alone someplace else
Mike: Hey, don't give me attitude
Daryl: Well, I guess we're supposed to move over
Stefan: Yeah, OK, let's move over a little bit
Mike: You're in my space, man!
Moon: Ow! Please . . . this is ridiculous
Daryl: Excuse me, no, there was a gun before here and . . .
Moon: Who? Did they leave a number we can call?
Daryl: Before these guys got here there was . . .
Svoboda: (Laughs)
Mike: Excuse me . . . Yo . . . Yo . . . you know where the phone is at, man?
Daryl: No, there was a gun here and . . .
(Laughter)
Mike: Yo, I don't want trouble
Franck: If you want trouble, buy a drum, yeah?
Moon: . . . I know that this can all be worked out and . . .
Mike: Now . . . we don't gotta . . . we don't gotta go anywhere, sweetheart
Moon: No, but listen . . . listen . . . They told us we'd be alone and it seems that everyone is listening to us . . .
Mike: Who? This guy over here . . .
Bill: That's right. That's right, we're listening
Mike: What are you, a tough guy? I'm tough! I'm tough!
Moon: Honey. Honey
Bill: That's just the way it is. You can get tough all you want
Moon: OK . . . OK . . . let's all . . .
Mike: Well, maybe we should try to work this out together, but I know I want my space, champ!
Daryl: What do you mean? You bought this space?
Moon: This always happens. I don't understand . . .
Mike: That's right, I bought this space. You got a problem wit dat?
Daryl: Well, you know, it sort of feels like my space. I don't know . . .
Moon: You know what this feels like? I mean, yeah, why don't we buy the swamp land too?
Mike: Nobody said nothin' when y'all bought my people, right?
Stefan: Who's having this loud voice in this little grand piano?
Daryl: . . . a bit out of . . .
Mike: N.W.A., rap, hip-hop, the new thing, "Yo MTV Raps"
Stefan: Sonate, that's music
Mike: So who?
Stefan: Mozart, Alter . . . Mozart sach' ich, Alter
Mike: I like Public Enemy
Stefan: I like Mondschein Sonate
Mike: I like Brand Nubians, Big Daddy Kane
Ali: Des klingt so grauenhaft, des mecht I fei nimmer hörn . . .
Moon: Whatever he said, ditto. I don't understand but . . . I . . . I . . . feel that he said something I would probably approve of

 01:16-03:20

Hermann: Telefonkarte. Qualität und Sicherheit aus einer Hand
Bill: This guy doesn't even know what a pay phone is! What the hell is he doing here in the first place?
Hermann: Wir sind Deutschlands Kommunikationsgesellschaft.
Ali: Gestern waren wir, frühstücken, mittagessen . . .
Hermann: 30 11 03 1 1 4 3 6, Qualität aus einer Hand . . . Telekom.
Mike: Excuse me, we paid money . . . heh . . . to be alone . . . wit' some privacy . . .
Bill: Well that's just too bad. Uh, you could be alone someplace else
Mike: Hey, don't give me attitude
Daryl: Well, I guess we're supposed to move over
Stefan: Yeah, OK, let's move over a little bit
Mike: You're in my space, man!
Moon: Ow! Please . . . this is ridiculous
Daryl: Excuse me, no, there was a gun before here and . . .
Moon: Who? Did they leave a number we can call?
Daryl: Before these guys got here there was . . .
Svoboda: (Laughs)
Mike: Excuse me . . . Yo . . . Yo . . . you know where the phone is at, man?
Daryl: No, there was a gun here and . . .
(Laughter)
Mike: Yo, I don't want trouble
Franck: If you want trouble, buy a drum, yeah?
Moon: . . . I know that this can all be worked out and . . .
Mike: Now . . . we don't gotta . . . we don't gotta go anywhere, sweetheart
Moon: No, but listen . . . listen . . . They told us we'd be alone and it seems that everyone is listening to us . . .
Mike: Who? This guy over here . . .
Bill: That's right. That's right, we're listening
Mike: What are you, a tough guy? I'm tough! I'm tough!
Moon: Honey. Honey
Bill: That's just the way it is. You can get tough all you want
Moon: OK . . . OK . . . let's all . . .
Mike: Well, maybe we should try to work this out together, but I know I want my space, champ!
Daryl: What do you mean? You bought this space?
Moon: This always happens. I don't understand . . .
Mike: That's right, I bought this space. You got a problem wit dat?
Daryl: Well, you know, it sort of feels like my space. I don't know . . .
Moon: You know what this feels like? I mean, yeah, why don't we buy the swamp land too?
Mike: Nobody said nothin' when y'all bought my people, right?
Stefan: Who's having this loud voice in this little grand piano?
Daryl: . . . a bit out of . . .
Mike: N.W.A., rap, hip-hop, the new thing, "Yo MTV Raps"
Stefan: Sonate, that's music
Mike: So who?
Stefan: Mozart, Alter . . . Mozart sach' ich, Alter
Mike: I like Public Enemy
Stefan: I like Mondschein Sonate
Mike: I like Brand Nubians, Big Daddy Kane
Ali: Des klingt so grauenhaft, des mecht I fei nimmer hörn . . .
Moon: Whatever he said, ditto. I don't understand but . . . I . . . I . . . feel that he said something I would probably approve of

2.16. "They're Singing Outside"

The right tableau is reset to the Christmas position. Around it, as if carolling, we see the ghosts of the Creationists roasted by the holy hand grenade, singing badly.

2.7. "The Pigs' Music"

The right tableau is reset to the Christmas position. Around it, as if caroling, we see the ghosts of the Creationists roasted by the holy hand grenade, singing badly.
00:00-00:58 Voice #1: They're singing outside.
Voice #2: What are they singing? It sounds horrible.
Voice #1: I don't know. I don't like it.
Moon?: I think it's a little scary.
Voice #1: Yeah.
Voice #2: Scary? What's scary?
Moon?: [...]
Mike: Like Freddy Krueger, you know?
[...]		    
00:58-02:15

FZ: Tonight you guys are going to try and figure out the pigs' music
Spider: You see, if we understood it, maybe we could help the pigs understand it.
John: Nah, the problem with that is you think the pigs are essentially kind at heart . . .
Spider: Aw, I didn't say that . . .
John: But the pigs are essentially pigs

John: If we could either move the smoke or if we turn the cold light on it and shrink it so they can't even salute it . . .
Spider: It's . . . it's really . . . It's sort of the opposite event. You see it was a long time ago when Pigs and Ponies used to inter-breed with people on farms . . . and they reached a state where . . . where like the pigs were . . . communicable. They brought 'em in and tried . . . tried to teach them things. They're just as likely to live in the ocean as anywhere else . . . Wouldn't get rid of them, really. Just means that the ocean would be just as unsafe as every other place. That's what happened. Ya know, they tried to put 'em places where they wouldn't make it, but they made it anyway
John: They wanted to use yaks, too
Pig With Wings: EE . . . EE . . . EE . . . EE
Spider: What's that?
John: That's the Pig with Wings

 00:00-01:17

FZ: Tonight you guys are going to try and figure out the pigs' music
Spider: You see, if we understood it, maybe we could help the pigs understand it.
John: Nah, the problem with that is you think the pigs are essentially kind at heart . . .
Spider: Aw, I didn't say that . . .
John: But the pigs are essentially pigs

John: If we could either move the smoke or if we turn the cold light on it and shrink it so they can't even salute it . . .
Spider: It's . . . it's really . . . It's sort of the opposite event. You see it was a long time ago when Pigs and Ponies used to inter-breed with people on farms . . . and they reached a state where . . . where like the pigs were . . . communicable. They brought 'em in and tried . . . tried to teach them things. They're just as likely to live in the ocean as anywhere else . . . Wouldn't get rid of them, really. Just means that the ocean would be just as unsafe as every other place. That's what happened. Ya know, they tried to put 'em places where they wouldn't make it, but they made it anyway
John: They wanted to use yaks, too
Pig With Wings: EE . . . EE . . . EE . . . EE
Spider: What's that?
John: That's the Pig with Wings

2.17. A PIG WITH WINGS

While JESUS pretends to produce a guitar-like sound by manually strumming the giant piano strings, the left tableau (also reset to the Christmas position) is lit once again, Emerging from behind the tree like an ornamental angel, we see a large sow-like creature with angel wings, dancing clumsily.

2.8. A PIG WITH WINGS

While JESUS pretends to produce a guitar-like sound by manually strumming the giant piano strings, the left tableau (also reset to the Christmas position) is lit once again. Emerging from behind the tree like an ornamental angel, we see a large sow-like creature with angel wings, dancing clumsily.
00:00-01:56   00:00-01:57  
    01:57-02:04  
01:56-02:43   02:04-02:52  
02:43-02:52      

2.18. "You Like The Knicks?"

Beginning with the eternal question about the relative merits of a certain metropolitan sporting organization, Mike and the others engage in banal conversation regarding intestinal gas.

 2.9. "This Is All Wrong" [PART 1]
00:00-01:15 [...]    
01:15-01:36

Moon: This is all wrong. This is all wrong
FZ: The pigs run the city, the ponies run the TV station and you wanted to apply for a job
Spider: Some of them wear these jackets that are made out of polished animal skins. It's called leather
John: Leather?
Monica: Oh, and their tight black pants
Spider: It's sort of like plastic, only it's made out of animals
Larry: It's sad, ain't it?
Monica: Yeah
Larry: Um, you can't win 'em all

 00:00-00:21

Moon: This is all wrong. This is all wrong
FZ: The pigs run the city, the ponies run the TV station and you wanted to apply for a job
Spider: Some of them wear these jackets that are made out of polished animal skins. It's called leather
John: Leather?
Monica: Oh, and their tight black pants
Spider: It's sort of like plastic, only it's made out of animals
Larry: It's sad, ain't it?
Monica: Yeah
Larry: Um, you can't win 'em all
01:36-01:37 Monica: Mmm.    
    2.15. WHY NOT? [PART 1]
01:37-03:39   00:00-02:03  
    2.9. "This Is All Wrong" [PART 2]
03:39-04:06

Moon: Oh!
Mike: Sweetheart . . .
Moon: What?
Mike: If we go to the . . . we could probably be alone
Moon: Yeah
Ali: Wo?
Moon: . . . could drink coffee . . .
Ali: Ja! Kaffe war a scho guat, aba des is a Klavier . . .
Mike: I want some soul food . . .
Moon: . . . it's a heartbeat and it feels like a . . .
Mike: Have you seen "Jungle Fever"?
Moon: . . . a big . . .
Ali: Ha, ha gördüm önce, sinemaya gittim ben . . .
Mike: "Jungle Fever." The girl with the big butt?
Ali: Bak, bu piyanonun içinde nereden sinema buldun sen?

 00:21-00:49

Moon: Oh!
Mike: Sweetheart . . .
Moon: What?
Mike: If we go to the . . . we could probably be alone
Moon: Yeah
Ali: Wo?
Moon: . . . could drink coffee . . .
Ali: Ja! Kaffe war a scho guat, aba des is a Klavier . . .
Mike: I want some soul food . . .
Moon: . . . it's a heartbeat and it feels like a . . .
Mike: Have you seen "Jungle Fever"?
Moon: . . . a big . . .
Ali: Ha, ha gördüm önce, sinemaya gittim ben . . .
Mike: "Jungle Fever." The girl with the big butt?
Ali: Bak, bu piyanonun içinde nereden sinema buldun sen?
04:06-04:13 Moon: My God . . . [...]
[...]
Mike: You see "Boyz N The Hood"?		    
04:13-05:06 Moon: This must have been what the brochure was talking about. They said you'd . . . you'd feel a . . . a kind of a serenity . . . a feeling of peace of . . . of . . .
Mike: Hey, why, why don't you shut up?!
Ali: Çocuklar, siz saatlerce kahveden birsey anlatıyorsunuz, ama burada . . . ah, bunlarda acayip şarkılar söylüyorlar . . . acayip, degilmi? Yagmurda başlıyor . . .
Moon: . . . entering into a different realm . . . I can't remember the name of it . . .
Mike: Hey, yo man . . . I don't like all this waterfall action
Moon: . . . and I guess that's where most of the part of it's . . . I . . . guess it's all about resolving past crime and everything . . . and . . . also . . . about . . .
Ali: Bence . . .
Mike: Hey, yo, hey . . . this ain't the "Blue Lagoon"! What the hell . . . this ain't "I Dream of Jeanie"
Ali: Bu piyanonun içinde bir . . . meyhane gibi birsey yapmak lâzım, yani, piyano güzel bir sey ama, . . . bende seni hiç anlamıyorum abı . . .
Mike: What? Man, man, I'm gonna close off communications if you don't start speaking the language, Jack!		 00:49-01:42 Moon: This must have been what the brochure was talking about. They said you'd . . . you'd feel a . . . a kind of a serenity . . . a feeling of peace of . . . of . . .
Mike: Hey, why, why don't you shut up?!
Ali: Çocuklar, siz saatlerce kahveden birsey anlatıyorsunuz, ama burada . . . ah, bunlarda acayip şarkılar söylüyorlar . . . acayip, degilmi? Yagmurda başlıyor . . .
Moon: . . . entering into a different realm . . . I can't remember the name of it . . .
Mike: Hey, yo man . . . I don't like all this waterfall action
Moon: . . . and I guess that's where most of the part of it's . . . I . . . guess it's all about resolving past crime and everything . . . and . . . also . . . about . . .
Ali: Bence . . .
Mike: Hey, yo, hey . . . this ain't the "Blue Lagoon"! What the hell . . . this ain't "I Dream of Jeanie"
Ali: Bu piyanonun içinde bir . . . meyhane gibi birsey yapmak lâzım, yani, piyano güzel bir sey ama, . . . bende seni hiç anlamıyorum abı . . .
Mike: What? Man, man, I'm gonna close off communications if you don't start speaking the language, Jack!
05:06-05:30 [...]    
2.19. HOT & PUTRID 2.10. HOT & PUTRID
00:00-00:00   00:00-00:00  
    00:00-00:22

Spider: The hotter the sound is, the more putrid it smells. I've discovered that to be true in almost every case that I've experienced
Mike: What are you talking about?
00:00-01:38      
01:38-01:45   00:22-00:29  
2.20. "Flowing Inside-Out" 2.11. "Flowing Inside-Out"
 

Spider: Flowing inside out creates neutral energy. Now, that makes the light get thick. Then you've got this converter, and what that does, is, it takes this really thick light and . . . it rams it into this little compressor which then sucks the water out so that it envelops the bathtub in this big halo . . .
FZ: A halo of mu-mesons
Spider: A halo of mu-mesons. And the whole problem here is that all you have to do is take that little modulator out and . . . uh . . .
John: Reverse the phase on it

  

Spider: Flowing inside out creates neutral energy. Now, that makes the light get thick. Then you've got this converter, and what that does, is, it takes this really thick light and . . . it rams it into this little compressor which then sucks the water out so that it envelops the bathtub in this big halo . . .
FZ: A halo of mu-mesons
Spider: A halo of mu-mesons. And the whole problem here is that all you have to do is take that little modulator out and . . . uh . . .
John: Reverse the phase on it
2.21. REVERSE THE PHASE ON IT  
00:00-03:48      
    2.12. "I Had A Dream About That"
03:48-04:16

Gilly: I had a dream about that once
Girl #2: You did?
Gilly: Yeah
Girl #2: Then you must be me
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right . . . because . . . Now, wait a minute . . . now you two are me because I had a dream that the two were here. I heard one person breathing in my right ear and then I heard somebody cough just like me
Spider: Wait a minute! I gotta find a phone booth. Here . . . ah . . . now I have it . . . I change clothes and suddenly I am . . .

 00:00-00:27

Gilly: I had a dream about that once
Girl #2: You did?
Gilly: Yeah
Girl #2: Then you must be me
Girl #1: Yeah, that's right . . . because . . . Now, wait a minute . . . now you two are me because I had a dream that the two were here. I heard one person breathing in my right ear and then I heard somebody cough just like me
Spider: Wait a minute! I gotta find a phone booth. Here . . . ah . . . now I have it . . . I change clothes and suddenly I am . . .
    2.13. GROSS MAN [PART 1]
04:16-04:17

Spider: GROSS MAN!

 00:00-00:01

Spider: GROSS MAN!
2.22. GROSS MAN 3.Jolly Good Fellow [EIHN]
00:00-03:34   00:01-03:37  
    03:37-03:48  
03:34-03:48   03:48-04:02  
    04:02-04:04  
03:48-03:55   04:04-04:11  
    04:11-04:13  
03:55-04:11   04:13-04:28  

2.23. "Then We Can Sell 'Em Ladders"

 2.15. WHY NOT? [PART 2]
00:00-00:15

John: Then we can sell them ladders, 'cause they're gonna have to have ladders to get into the piano, right?
Spider: Yeah, when it starts growing
John: Right . . . we set 'em down and, like, we turn the lights down and turn on the red ones
Monica: What're you gonna do, stoop to strobe lights or . . . ?
Spider: Ah, no, no

 02:03-02:18

John: Then we can sell them ladders, 'cause they're gonna have to have ladders to get into the piano, right?
Spider: Yeah, when it starts growing
John: Right . . . we set 'em down and, like, we turn the lights down and turn on the red ones
Monica: What're you gonna do, stoop to strobe lights or . . . ?
Spider: Ah, no, no
    2.16. "Put A Little Motor In 'Em"
00:15-01:05

FZ: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
Spider: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
John: I could have all sorts of different kinds of names for the motors . . . although the motors would be the same . . .
Spider: There's dry motors and wet motors, right?
John: Right
Spider: The motor for a bill is a dry motor, so after they put that thing in there for about half an hour, they suddenly can't stand it without having a wet motor too. So, if they try to get away with spending only a bill, they end up spending about five 'cause they gotta get this, this four bill wet motor
John: Good idea
Spider: Now we have a damp motor for the ones who aren't sure
Moon: . . . it's about letting go . . . we're all, we're all inside the piano . . . we're all . . . looking for a place . . . inside the piano . . . or a place to be alone . . .
Ali: Bu piyanonun içinde bir meyhane olsa, bir kahve için oturpda, azıçık tavla oynasak nekadar güzel olur, degilmi abı?

 00:00-00:50

FZ: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
Spider: We're gonna put a little motor in 'em
John: I could have all sorts of different kinds of names for the motors . . . although the motors would be the same . . .
Spider: There's dry motors and wet motors, right?
John: Right
Spider: The motor for a bill is a dry motor, so after they put that thing in there for about half an hour, they suddenly can't stand it without having a wet motor too. So, if they try to get away with spending only a bill, they end up spending about five 'cause they gotta get this, this four bill wet motor
John: Good idea
Spider: Now we have a damp motor for the ones who aren't sure
Moon: . . . it's about letting go . . . we're all, we're all inside the piano . . . we're all . . . looking for a place . . . inside the piano . . . or a place to be alone . . .
Ali: Bu piyanonun içinde bir meyhane olsa, bir kahve için oturpda, azıçık tavla oynasak nekadar güzel olur, degilmi abı?
2.24. "You're Just Insultin' Me, Aren't You!" 2.17 "You're Just Insultin' Me, Aren't You!"
00:00-00:52

Mike: You're just insulting me, aren't you? It's not funny, man
Ali: . . . tabii ya, tabii, tabii . . . eh, eh . . .
Mike: It's not funny . . . It ain't funny. He's just been talking about me for ten minutes
Moon: . . . be alone . . . with yourself inside a piano or . . . whatever . . . your piano . . . it's . . . it's really a metaphor for that . . . that spirit . . . that feeling of oneness . . .
Ali: Siz saatlerce, saatlerce konusuyorsunuz burada, yani, . . . artık bıktım burasından, be! Oturup böyle birsey . . . birsey bulsak da biz simidi, yani . . .
Moon: It's, It's . . . it's . . . fulfillment . . .
Mike: Fulfillment. I got something fulfilling, baby
Moon: The sages talk about this . . .
Ali: . . . sen söyleme . . .
Mike: Hey, yo my man . . . Hey, yo my man . . . worrrr d'up man . . . worrrrr d'up!

 00:00-00:52

Mike: You're just insulting me, aren't you? It's not funny, man
Ali: . . . tabii ya, tabii, tabii . . . eh, eh . . .
Mike: It's not funny . . . It ain't funny. He's just been talking about me for ten minutes
Moon: . . . be alone . . . with yourself inside a piano or . . . whatever . . . your piano . . . it's . . . it's really a metaphor for that . . . that spirit . . . that feeling of oneness . . .
Ali: Siz saatlerce, saatlerce konusuyorsunuz burada, yani, . . . artık bıktım burasından, be! Oturup böyle birsey . . . birsey bulsak da biz simidi, yani . . .
Moon: It's, It's . . . it's . . . fulfillment . . .
Mike: Fulfillment. I got something fulfilling, baby
Moon: The sages talk about this . . .
Ali: . . . sen söyleme . . .
Mike: Hey, yo my man . . . Hey, yo my man . . . worrrr d'up man . . . worrrrr d'up!
00:52-01:38 [...]    
01:38-02:06 Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: This is a piano
Ali: Des is a piano
Todd: And why are we in it?
Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: A piano!
Ali: A piano . . . des is a piano . . .
Mike: Piano!
Ali: Klavier
Todd: Oh! I thought it was the men's room . . .
Mike: Piano!
Moon: Piano
Ali: Das es kein Computer
Mike: This ain't a computer!
Ali: Das es kein Computer! I sag des so oft, bis die des merken, verstehst . . .
Moon: Piano . . . that's a beautiful word. It can take you to that place inside yourself where you . . .
Mike: You still talking about the place but you ain't thinking about dis place: the piano!
Todd: Piano! Piano!
Moon: What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter how you get here		 00:52-01:21 Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: This is a piano
Ali: Des is a piano
Todd: And why are we in it?
Ali: Des is a piano
Mike: A piano!
Ali: A piano . . . des is a piano . . .
Mike: Piano!
Ali: Klavier
Todd: Oh! I thought it was the men's room . . .
Mike: Piano!
Moon: Piano
Ali: Das es kein Computer
Mike: This ain't a computer!
Ali: Das es kein Computer! I sag des so oft, bis die des merken, verstehst . . .
Moon: Piano . . . that's a beautiful word. It can take you to that place inside yourself where you . . .
Mike: You still talking about the place but you ain't thinking about dis place: the piano!
Todd: Piano! Piano!
Moon: What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter how you get here
02:06-02:14 [...]    
02:14-03:06

Gilly: That's it exactly, I guess. About Tom, no, no but to me all different . . . um . . . but I guess Tom was a human—is a human being with . . . feelings and sorrows and happinesses, as everyone else, but Tom would only show me so much
SNORK!
Spider: But is this a pregnant sow before me?
SNORK!
Spider: By the sound of the snork, I would gesture to say . . . I find myself turning into a pony

 01:21-02:13

Gilly: That's it exactly, I guess. About Tom, no, no but to me all different . . . um . . . but I guess Tom was a human—is a human being with . . . feelings and sorrows and happinesses, as everyone else, but Tom would only show me so much
SNORK!
Spider: But is this a pregnant sow before me?
SNORK!
Spider: By the sound of the snork, I would gesture to say . . . I find myself turning into a pony
2.25. TURNING INTO A PONY 2.18. "Cold Light Generation"
    00:00-00:00  
00:00-00:12

John: You know as well as I do that cold light generation depends on your state of health and energy
Spider: I'm gonna turn on a cold light

 00:00-00:12

John: You know as well as I do that cold light generation depends on your state of health and energy
Spider: I'm gonna turn on a cold light
00:12-01:11      
2.26. "Don't You Get It?"    
00:00-00:31

Moon: Don't you get it?
Todd: No, not at all
Moon: Don't you get it?
Todd: Not as often as I'd like to
Moon: I get it . . . It's weird . . . It's like . . .
Mike: Yo, I hear music!
Ali: Musik?
Mike: Music!
Ali: Musik? . . . draussen, gell?
Mike: There's a little party goin' on out here!
Ali: Ja, gell a party, da is irgendwo a Party!
Mike: A party in the piano . . .
Ali: Naa, ned im Piano
Mike: . . . yeah, P.P.
Ali: . . . Nah, ned im P.P.
Mike: Hey, P.P.
Ali: Naa, ned im Piano, im Piano is keine Party
Mike: Hey, listen . . . listen . . . listen, shhh!

 00:12-00:44

Moon: Don't you get it?
Todd: No, not at all
Moon: Don't you get it?
Todd: Not as often as I'd like to
Moon: I get it . . . It's weird . . . It's like . . .
Mike: Yo, I hear music!
Ali: Musik?
Mike: Music!
Ali: Musik? . . . draussen, gell?
Mike: There's a little party goin' on out here!
Ali: Ja, gell a party, da is irgendwo a Party!
Mike: A party in the piano . . .
Ali: Naa, ned im Piano
Mike: . . . yeah, P.P.
Ali: . . . Nah, ned im P.P.
Mike: Hey, P.P.
Ali: Naa, ned im Piano, im Piano is keine Party
Mike: Hey, listen . . . listen . . . listen, shhh!
00:31-01:08 Mike: Yeah, let's dance!
[...]		    
2.27. "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MUSIC?"    
00:00-01:29 [...]    
2.28. WE'RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE    
00:00-02:58 [...]
Piano . . . Piano . . . Piano . . .		    

disc 1

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2. Put A Motor In Yourself

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Mike Keneally, "All About Mike!," keneally.com, c. 1998

"Put A Motor In Yourself" from [the Civilization Phaze III] album was originally called "Martin" and was also conceived around this time, and used as intermission music on the East Coast leg of the [1988] tour.

 

5. Reagan At Bitburg

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FZ, interviewed by Michael Heinze, July 30, 1990

Well, in Germany, you have the Republicans, I heard they have at least 10 %, or is that just in Bavaria? The other thing is that they started gaining strength when Reagan went to Bitburg, because of that point a lot of people who had Nazi sympathy said, "See, it's okay, he came here to give honor to our soldiers, and we are coming out of the closet now, and he's with us."

Edits

Blood On The Canvas (1986) Civilization Phaze III (1994) "Congress Shall Make No Law . . . " (2010)
  0:00-1:05 0:00-1:07
0:00-0:17 1:05-1:23  
  1:23-4:14  
  4:14-5:39 0:00-1:07

 

14. "Saliva Can Only Take So Much"

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19. N-Lite

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Rip Rense, "Frank Zappa," Los Angeles Times, October 1, 1992

[Civilization Phaze III] will feature a piece of music he has labored over intermittently for 10-years titled "N-light."

Composed on the Synclavier, "N-light" is one of Zappa's most substantial works. The title is a computer code referring to two moments in the piece—one that reminded Zappa of the Village People's "In the Navy" and a sonic cluster he dubbed "Thousand Points of Light."

L.A. Times, December 6, 1994

The composer described the work simply as "a frightening son-of-a-bitch."

The title of the piece was merely a bit of convenient computer-ese.

"It was put together out of two unrelated sequences," he explained in a 1992 interview. "There's a group of notes in front of this one sequence that just happens to sound like 'In the Navy' from that Village People song. You don't realize it until it's gone by, and then—that's 'In the Navy'! So that's the 'N,' and the 'Lite' part is this sequence that was basically a bunch of very fast and short synthesizer pockets that had the computer title 'Thousand Points of Light.' "

FZ, interviewed by Don Menn & Matt Groening, "The Mother Of All Interviews, Act II," Zappa!, 1992, p. 49

There are a number of ways you can enter the data into the Synclavier. One is to play it on the keyboard [...] Since I have only minimal keyboard technique, anything that I play in on the keyboard, I have to do it with the speed knob turned way down. Then do a lot of editing to it after it's been entered in. But all those piano parts on "N-Lite"—you know, those cadenzas and stuff? I played them.

Spencer Chrislu, a.f.f-z, October 22, 1999

N-Lite was such a long, dense and complicated piece that it, indeed, used all the "storage" we had available. In fact, the piano tracks were so voice and RAM intensive, that we eventually had to settle for Roland Digital Pianos instead of the beautifully sampled Bosendorfer Imperial Grand. The piano samples just chewed up all the RAM and all the voices causing notes to just disappear.

When it came time to mix it (I won't even go into the hell that was just recording this beast), we used all 48 tracks of the Sony multi-track, all 16 tracks of the Synclavier Direct-to-Disk recorder, all 16 real-time outputs from the Synclavier itself, 16 channels of DX-7, and probably 8 more tracks from various other synths, oh..., let's not forget the 8 FM voices out of the Synclavier as well. All of this patched into a 60-channel mixer. Thankfully, we were able to use the 60 channels of automated line inputs as well as 60 channels of monitor input (non-automated). It took about a week to set up the mix and probably 2 days just to get it recorded. Then FZ started editing . . . .

Oh by the way, just a little note to torture you all:

There's a 6-channel mix of the full version just sitting there at the house waiting for release.

Spencer Chrislu, interviewed by Andrew Greenaway, March 6, 2020

There was one section in the original version of N-Lite on Civilization Phaze III—which at one point was 28 minutes long—there's one little section, after it breaks down, where there's a little synthesizer/horn line that goes "Ba-ba-ba baba." He would always call that the 'Matty told Hatty' section. He would say, "Yeah, its right after the Matty told Hatty section!" [laughs]

Liner notes

V. Creationism

The center tableau is now a cubistic collage of badly imagined Bible stories, including the Garden of Eden, Noah's Ark, Sodom & Gomorrah, etc. Pig and Pony dancers re-enact these scenes, but interweave them, resulting in an incomprehensible finale.

FZ, quoted in Billboard, September 14, 1985, p. 3

Since Reagan has gone into power, things have happened in [U.S.] schools that nobody's batting an eye at . . . Most disgusting of all is the creationists' success in forcing some schools to replace textbooks with new ones that carry over the creationist viewpoint. To give the illusion of 'fairness,' the quality of scientific education has thus been compromised.

 

disc 2

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6. "This Ain't CNN"

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Mike Rapaport

Andrew Greenaway, "For Those Of You Who Might Not Know #2: Films," The Idiot Bastard Son, February 17, 2020

In 2011, Michael [Rapaport] explained, "I used to date Moon Zappa. She's a good friend of mine still. [Frank] used to get a kick out of the way I speak, so he was like, 'Yo, you wanna come down there and talk on this album?' We went down there and I talked on the album, and I felt like it was cool 'cause he was Frank Zappa, and I was Mike Rappa—that's what we used to joke. I used to always get a kick out of him, and I think he used to get a kick out of me."

Mike: N.W.A., rap, hip-hop, the new thing, Yo! MTV Raps

Charles Ulrich (alt.fan.frank-zappa, May 30, 2011)

Is he actually referring to "The New Thing" by Taking Your Business (TYB)?

It was released on a 12" record circa 1988 on the Bad Boys label, which was based in Brooklyn. So it's chronologically and geographically plausible.

Rapaport was in the piano in 1991. He's from New York (as you may have guessed from his accent), and most of the hip hop acts he mentions were from the New York metropolitan area—although N.W.A. were from Compton, California.

Video for "The New Thing."

12" record.

computeruser (alt.fan.frank-zappa, May 30, 2011)

"Yo MTV Raps" was The New Thing in 1988. It would still be new in 1991, to those who live in a piano.

He mentions hip hop acts. It doesn't follow that he would throw a hip hop song title in the mix, especially not an obscure one. My take on your question, is; no he is not referring to this Taking Your Business, song.

 

9. "This is All Wrong"

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John Seman, alt.fan.frank-zappa, February 6, 2002

I had the great pleasure of spending a few moments with Artis the Spoonman yesterday, and asked him about his encounters with Zappa. [...] I asked him where exactly does he appear on an FZ recording. His answer is Dance Me This and Civilization Phaze III. No foolin. He only figured it out a couple years ago, but during "This Is All Wrong" you can hear him, live and unedited, not sampled (unless the sample is the whole clip, Todd?) for about 10 seconds behind the dialogue, flipping out like he do. He explained this as an incredible stroke of Zappa brilliance, because his spooning/body percussion sounds somewhat like a rainstick, and then a real rainstick does come in a few seconds later. Is that a real rainstick or is that a Sears rainstick?

Check this out:
CPIII Disc 2, track 9, "This Is All Wrong"
0:28—Artis enters, after, "...we could probably be alone."
0:37—Artis out.
1:09—cue rainstick

Spencer Chrislu, quoted by Don Menn, "Spencer Chrislu. Engineer Of The Right Formulas In The Baby Milk Factory," Zappa!, 1992, p. 82

Working in stereo, just plain two channels, is becoming boring. [...] Now that Frank has the six-channel, surround-sound environment he's always wanted, he's loving it to death, and his recent recordings of a guy playing spoons spinning around the room is really stellar stuff, really quite exciting. Got to get it around you!

 

12. "I Had A Dream About That"

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13. Gross Man

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19. Dio Fa

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Tuvan Sample

The Tuvan throat-singing performance for this track is just a 17 second sample, repeated six times at different pitches through the track.

Timing Pitch

0:00-0:17

 +0 semitones
0:17-0:30 +5 semitones

0:30-0:47

 +0 semitones
1:01-1:17 +1 semitone

1:23-1:37

 +3 semitones

5:02-5:18

 +0 semitones

Dio Fa, The Opera

Jennifer Ash, "The Zappa Zoo," Life, August 1988

Zappa's latest grandiose project is a full-scale opera that he hopes will debut at Milan's La Scala in 1992. "It may be a little hot for the U.S.," he admits. One thing certain to offend is the opera's title: Dio Fa, slang that Zappa says translates into "God is a liar." Is La Scala buying? Well, Zappa has recorded two albums with the London Symphony Orchestra. So anything's possible.

FZ with Peter Occhiogrosso, The Real Frank Zappa Book, 1989, p. 343-344

And now, one of the most ridiculous proposals of 1988. This was presented to Mayor Pelletiere (a Socialist), Vice Mayor and Minister of Culture Corbani (a Communist), and Minister of Youth Affairs Treves (an Anarchist) of Milan, in June of that year.

PROPOSAL FOR A WORLD CUP FOOTBALL OPERA

DIO FA

Frank Zappa proposes to write, produce and direct a special entertainment event for the conclusion of the World Cup Football Finals in the summer of 1990, to be financed by the City of Milan and the Italian Football Committee. It will be an opera, with the premiere performance in La Scala, broadcast via satellite, worldwide.

The text will be in English, Italian, German, French, Spanish, Portuguese and Russian.

The performance will include dancing in many styles, special effects and a fashion show.

The musical accompaniment will include full orchestral settings, chamber music settings, ethnic choral and instrumental setting (executed via digital sampling and digital tape playback), advanced electronic music techniques and rock music (in styles ranging from doo-wop vocals to heavy metal). The music will be partly acoustic, partly amplified and, in some instances, mimed to digital playback.

Zappa will write the story and lyrics, supervise the set design, costumes and special effects.

The City of Milan, through its Sister City arrangement with Chicago, will engage the Chicago Symphony to provide the orchestral backing. (The La Scala orchestra will be represented by selected instrumental soloists.) The La Scala Chorus will be featured.

Zappa will select the stage director, orchestral conductor and featured vocal soloists. The negotiations for their fees will be the responsibility of the City of Milan. Their fees are not included in this proposal or budget.

[...] The theme of the opera is:

Millions of people believe football is God, but, it is said (at least in Torino), "God is a liar."—Dio Fa.

Giancarlo Trombetti (quoted in the Zappa Patio)

Well ... when I was in Rome working for Massimo Bassoli on some of his rock magazines, Frank decided to stay in Rome as a guest in Massimo's home for a short while at the end of the italian leg of the 1988 tour. It was june 1988 and he (Frank Zappa) had just got an offer from the mayor of Milano to organize a big event to be held in Milano in 1990 during the football world cup; apparently Zappa decided to offer the Mayor the Dio Fa opera which needed a full orchestra to be played (I still have hidden somewhere the faxes Zappa sent to the mayor when he decided not to proceed because he was pissed off by the mayor's attempts to reduce the costs).

Possibilities Unlimited

Apparently the whole thing would have been organized by a company Zappa decided to build up and which was named "Possibilities Unlimited". That explains why the logo [...] has a P with a horizontal 8 on it: it's the logo which signs the unlimited position on a camera. Frank himself did the logo. During the procedures of "inventing" the thing, Massimo was there ... and I was sat down ONLY TWO metres from Frank. Zappa printed some test stickers from these sessions in front of a Macintosh PC and he gave me a couple of stickers as a present for his intrusion in our editing room. Needless to say: I still have them. The "WE DREAM" phrase was a way to stress that he wasn't so sure that the whole operation should reach its goal, and he was right. After months of faxes—which Massimo always received in Rome as sort of personal advisor of Zappa—the mayor of Milano (who was at that time a man named Pillitteri) said the thing had to be cut down in costs because it was too expensive. Zappa sent back a fax with four chances to be chosen by the mayor. More or less they were (if my memory's still working, but I'd better check it out):

  1. I believe it would be better if we decided to miss this opportunity.
  2. Why don't we miss this opportunity?
  3. It's better for us if we miss this opportunity.
  4. There's a thing we could do: miss this opportunity.

And this is how the whole opera ended. The mayor said that 2 billions of Italian lire were too much for the entire opera; Zappa said that he was about to spend nearly half the price with the orchestra's scores.

Scott Thunes, Ebay, May 30, 2006

Many years ago, when Frank was still alive, he had an idea for a company that would support . . . well, anything. In fact, his name for it was Infinite Possibilities. He got a business plan worked up, he got a logo, and he even had a piece of clothing with the logo on it manufactured.

One day I was up at the House and he sat me down and described the whole thing to me. I, of course, have forgotten most of what he told me (all of it?) but the merest bare bones of his idea. I asked him if he'd gotten any swag made up for it and excitedly, he brought forth this tie. I was kind of dumbfounded as it seemed rather tame to me, but during the course of his further description it was apparent that he was going for a more 'short-hair' approach to the world. Look at his appearance during the PMRC hearings. That kind of thing.

Tie

Todd Yvega, Dance Me This (liner notes), June 2015

Over the years I had seen Frank jump from project to project often shelving one indefinitely to focus on another. There was an elaborate stage piece titled Dio Fa; An opera titled Uncle Sam (about a dystopian future America with a ludicrously polluted New York Harbor); A music notation book with accompanying audio disc titled The Rhythmic Sadist's Guide To Drum Patterns For The 21st Century.

 

 

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