New York Palladium, Halloween 1977
performed by
Terry Bozzio
Roy Estrada
Adrian Belew
Ed Mann
Patrick O'Hearn
Peter Wolf
Tommy Mars
and
New York's Finest Crazy Persons
CAST (in order of appearance playing themselves):
Frank Zappa
Adrian Belew
Tommy Mars
Terry Bozzio
Kerry McNabb
Ron Delsener
Bruce Bickford
Rob Leacock
Ed Mann
Warren Cuccurullo
Chris Martin
Klaus Hundsbichler
Roy Estrada
John Smothers
David Ditkowich
Bill Harrington
Patrick O'Hearn
Phil Parmet
Peter Wolf
Dick Pearce
Angel
Janet The Planet
Donna U Wanna
Phil Kaufman
Tex Abel
Dale Bozzio
Diva
John
Chris
Nancy
Brian Rivera
Joey Psychotic
and probably lots more people
whose names we couldn't find out
but whose assistance in making this film
is greatly appreciated
Also appearing on a TV screen during the animation sequence:
George Duke
Ruth Underwood
Napoleon Murphy Brock
animation by Bruce Bickford
directed by FZ
includes parts of the leather conversation and the beginning of Kung Fu (#1)
Intercontinental Absurdities presents
A Film by Frank Zappa
BABY SNAKES
O'Hearn: Heh heh heh ye-yes!
Bozzio: L-l-l-l-l-l . . .
Roy:
Baby . . .
FZ: Rolling, Kerry? No-no, don't do it.
Tommy: We get—we get our note . . .
FZ: Ren-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den . . . with the flat five goin' up to the five . . . yeah . . . Yeah! Do that with him. Do-doon, ba-boom doon . . .
Ed?: Marimba!
photographed by:
DICK PEARCE
PHIL PARMET
ROB LEACOCK
FZ: OK. For that opening part, play like a-a chicken beat on the uh, snare. Like your . . . the hi-hat pattern on the snare with the backbeat on the snare too. 1-2, 1-2-3-4
Tommy:
Baby . . .
FZ: Where's, where's that other beat that you do? That "Ren-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den"? . . . This was your Mott The Hoople extravaganza.
edited by:
KLAUS HUNDSBICHLER
Roy: [Matura . . . ]
FZ: If you just keep the 8th note going I think it will work.
animation
BRUCE BICKFORD
Tommy:
Late at night is when they come out . . .
FZ: No, "Late at night is when they come out" . . . is on one.
Adrian:
Baby Snakes . . .
music by:
FRANK ZAPPA
FZ:
Sure you know what I'm talkin' about
Pink 'n wet
They make the best kinda pet
Baby . . .
Tommy:
Baby . . .
FZ:
Baby . . .
Tommy:
Snakes
performed by:
TERRY BOZZIO
ROY ESTRADA
ADRIAN BELEW
ED MANN
PATRICK O'HEARN
PETER WOLF
TOMMY MARS
and NEW YORK'S FINEST CRAZY PERSONS
FZ: No, keep that one going. The second one, keep going. Baby . . .
Tommy:
Baby . . .
FZ: No, you're too late. Baby . . .
Tommy:
Baby . . .
FZ:
Baby . . .
Tommy:
Baby . . .
FZ:
Baby . . .
Tommy:
Baby . . .
FZ:
Snakes
Tommy: OK, so four of 'em?
FZ: Yeah. Just you know, ran-randomize 'em.
Tommy: OK.
Radio: Hi, were you callin' for somebody up here?
Kerry McNabb: Yeah, how long 'til showtime?
sound:
KERRY McNABB &
JOE CHICCARELLI
Radio: Oh, how long 'til showtime. I believe it's ten to eight right now, and I believe we're going at ten after, I would guess ten after.
Kerry McNabb: OK.
Radio: No waitaminnit, waitaminnit . . .
lighting by
COY FEATHERSTONE
Kerry McNabb: Stand by, stand by.
Radio: I would think we'll probably go at ten after.
art direction:
JOHN WILLIAMS
Kerry McNabb: OK, just let me know five before.
Radio: Yeah. I'll give you the . . . the cues.
Kerry McNabb: Goodbye.
Ron Delsener?: Whaddyasay we all go out and have a dinner.
associate producer BENNETT GLOTZER
FZ: This IS the show. This is the show they never see, right?
produced and directed by FRANK ZAPPA
Bruce Bickford: Wait, you got that one while I was in there.
FZ: OK, sorry.
Bruce Bickford: Well, let's start over.
FZ: OK.
FZ: It's gonna change the pacing of it a little bit to do that.
Bruce Bickford: Hanna-Barbera uses the half-hour exposure.
FZ: Ha hah hah . . .
Bruce Bickford: Neither the torture chamber nor the disco knows about the existence of each other. But there is psychic contact between the two; the evil doings on the disco floor have their counterpart in the dungeon below. The more you get engrossed in modern-day . . . modern-day notions about talismans or any kind of psychic art, and manipulation of psychic objects, pretty soon you realize that anything goes. Some guy could pick up a handful of dog shit, and say, "Look, you hold this, and then the force field around it will, will flow into you."
Warren: Oh, I'm Warren Cuccurrullo, hey, and this is my girlfriend Chrissy.
Chrissy: Chrissy . . .
Warren: And uh, we're devoted fans of Frank's, and uh, we're really glad to be fans of Frank's because his music is the thing that keeps me going in my boring lifestyle which revolves around my guitar playing and uh, a few measly students that I have to try and get some money to see Frank in concert as often as possible, which unfortunately is only about uh, 14 times a year, but that seems to be enough for me. For now, anyway. Tonight though I, I tell you one thing . . . 'bout these New York crowds . . . some of 'em . . . they, they get too carried away, you know, because they think Frank Zappa is such a . . . a mad man, you know, they come here to . . . to see him go crazy or something, you know . . . they don't realize that it's . . . there's notes involved, you know . . .
Warren: I told you the first time I met you . . . you remember that, what I said?
FZ: You wanna be in the band?
Warren: No! . . . Well . . . I, I wouldn't do that, man, I would try out for your band . . . but I wouldn't . . .
FZ: I'll try ya out
Warren: I don't sing . . . I'd do anything, you see . . .
FZ: What d'you mean you don't sing?
Warren: I don't sing
FZ: I've heard you singing, you can sing. . . sing something . . . Sing "Baby Snakes"
Baby Snakes
Late at night is when they come out
Baby Snakes
Sure you know what I'm talkin' about
Pink 'n wet
They make the best kinda pet
Baby
Baby
Snakes
I looked around
An' there's a couple right near me
Baby Snakes
Maybe I think they can probably hear me
Pink 'n wet
I'll take all I can get
Baby
Baby
Baby Sna-a-a-a-a-a-akes,
Yeah
They live in a ho-ho-ho-ho-hole
(Tiny hole)
That is usually empty
(Usually empty; tiny too)
They live by a co-co-a-co-a-co-co-a-code
(Dit dit dit dit)
(Dit dit dit dit)
(Dit dit dit dit)
(Dit dit dit dit)
That is usually SMPTE
Which stands for
Society of Motion Picture & Television Engineers
But maybe I think
That is what keeps them in sync
They're wet 'n they're pink
I think I'll give 'em a, give 'em a,
Give 'em a drink
Baby Sna-a-a-a-a-a-akes
Bruce Bickford: I think my first animation was with cars runnin' over the tops of hills. And then I branched out into um . . . well, anything I could do with cars, and I, and I, the clay people I had in the cars I started animating, until eventually I got more and more into clay.
FZ: There's an image that you use quite frequently in your films, this image here. Would you mind explaining what this is?
Bruce Bickford: Uh, that was a . . . well that was a face, originally, but it turned into this bridge, this . . . the guy's nose and lips elongated out into this bridge . . .
FZ: Yeah, but you've done that same transformation several times. What does that symbol really mean?
Bruce Bickford: I don't know. Noses are easily animatable into something else.
FZ: Is this the little red car?
Bruce Bickford: Yeah . . . Don't—
FZ: There's things I've noticed in a lot of footage. We have the tree that turns into the hand, and this particular image that keeps coming back.
Bruce Bickford: I can't explain it right off hand. I took a few tokes, when I was out there on the rock, a passer-by lent me. And I wasn't feelin' very good anyway, and it made me feel so much worse that . . . I felt like I was trapped there by . . . I was so weak that I couldn't get up and I couldn't walk back to . . . to the sand, these rocks had this . . .
FZ: . . . Unearthly power over you?
Bruce Bickford: Yeah, the magnetism in 'em, or something, they would . . . they were thrown in there from . . . with no, no regard for their original . . . FZ: [...]
Bruce Bickford:Well the original magnetism they picked up over the ages as they formed and everything, and they were put in contrary to that pattern.
FZ: How long were you trapped?
Bruce Bickford: About a half hour.
FZ: How did you get away?
Bruce Bickford: I finally . . . uh . . . well, the effect of the dope wore off.
Bruce Bickford: When uh, when Billy The Mountain collides with some super high powered lines he goes . . .
FZ: . . . backs, down there
Bruce Bickford: . . . he goes, he goes up in smoke and he comes down as a . . . well, a castle . . . which is from another dimension, way . . . way back maybe, or somewhere . . . and uh, Greggery Peccary discovers this castle and realizes it would be a great disco. All they'd have to do is fix it up a
little. Unbeknownst to them, there was still uh, other things going on in the . . . in the dungeon of this castle.
FZ: Like what?
Bruce Bickford: Uh, probably somethin' real devious . . . a torture chamber . . . many dens of inequity . . .
FZ: So then what happens?
Bruce Bickford: Well . . .
FZ: Well, spit it out, boy!
Bruce Bickford: At the peak of the disco out-freakage, the, the stray . . . the stray energies in that area . . .
FZ: Yes?
Bruce Bickford: . . . came to the fore . . .
FZ: Yeah?
Bruce Bickford: . . . and ultimately, monsters were created!
The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1977
FZ:
In the beginning God made the light. Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called Man, the second mistake was called Wo-man, and the third mistake was the invention of the poodle. Now the reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type body. That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh okay.)
Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighborhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days. But the Wo-man, as you know, has always been much smarter than the man.
Thank you. "Brooklyn for Zappa: a card. The present day composer refuses to die." You should give Edgard Varèse credit right down there, it should have his name on it. Thank you. Okay.
Guy In The Audience:
You're the best!
FZ:
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're interrupting my story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that the Tower of Power or what? Oh no no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away.
The Wo-man has always been much smarter than the Man, you know this is true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The Man would do anything to get some pussy. And that's why the Wo-man always had control over him.
In the beginning the Wo-man looked the Man directly into the eye and said, "I tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers." (Thank you very much.)
And of course the Man did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the Garden of Eden and gave that money to the Wo-man.
The Wo-man ran out the back door of the Garden of Eden, went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon-encrusted tweezers and came back and, while the Man was very tired from having his job, while he was sleeping, the Wo-man got a hold of the poodle. Because the Wo-man had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage—the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen—was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays.
And so the Wo-man set out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little uh, visual aid . . .
Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a little bit off the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. Got all of the unwanted extraneous material off this area which we shall call Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that. And squatted right on him! Looking down into the dog's eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog?
includes Basement Music #2 as background music
The Palladium, NYC
October 30-31, 1977
FZ:
She said . . .
Ms. Pinky's Larger Sister: Hi, uh, I'd like to say a few words about Warner Bros. Uh, when I first signed with the label I thought that I was going to have a pretty good deal but later when I discovered the relationship between Warners _____ the implication of their behavior and I . . . I jus— excuse me I think I'm gonna have to WHOO-AARGH!
Roy: [...] to give me a pass. Frank doesn't know what I can do, you know. But of course, you know, you gotta come to the dressing room first. Get you by that, uh, you know, get you by the toilet, and uh, might take a bath or . . . What? What'd you say?
City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' 'bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eat
City of tiny lites
Maybe you should know
That it's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere
You can see it any time
When you get the squints
From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver line-y
The great escape for all of you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
([...])
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Hey, tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' 'bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat
That the peoples eat
And it's over there
And it's over there
And it's over there
And it's over there
Roy: Now, this I call . . . WO-OHHH
FZ: No, wait a minute . . .
Roy: Pinky? She's here, but she's a little bit uh, out of air for this moment. She is. Come on out to hang her up . . .
FZ: Roy . . .
Roy: Yeah?
FZ: . . .
Roy: I can't! Wait a minute . . .
Terry: I love this man, I work for this man, but this show has like pushed me beyond the brink of what I can physically . . .
Roy: WHOAAAH!
Terry: Withstand. (Sigh) My hands are . . . I mean, look at these calluses! Jesus Christ! I've had a hard tour, I mean, Jesus, we had the, the, the fucking roadmanager committed suicide
Adrian: Oh Terry!
Terry: Then my girlfriend fell out the fuckin' window
Adrian: Oh Terry!
Terry: I mean, it's been hard, you know, and, and now man! I mean, shit, this fuckin' shit, I mean, we have to do two, two fuckin' shows, two nights in a row! You know what it's like to beat the shit out of the fuckin' drums, two shows . . .
Adrian: Two nights in a row!
Terry: . . . two nights in a row!? I MEAN I CAN'T FUCKIN' TAKE THAT KINDA SHIT!
Adrian: HE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! He can't take it anymore, look at his hands . . .
Terry: My hands, hey, I feel like I've been pounding nails, I feel like I've been hittin' my goddamn hands with a hammer! That's what I feel like. I mean, I want to do a good job. This is New York. You know, this is, this is very important . . . something really happy with my life, you know? I mean, I wanna do it right for Frank, I wanna do it right for me, I wanna do it right for everybody. Of course you can't please everybody! You know, I mean, Christ! I'm tryin' to fuckin' please everybody and no one's givin' me a half a chance . . . I can't work under these circumstances! Christ!
Roy: Don't, don't, Terry . . . all you gotta do is just be nice, be nice, be nice . . . Do you want me to take this off of you? This big load . . . This mother lode.
Terry: Get away from me, you faggot.
Roy: (laughs) Wait a minute, he's sick. This guy is sick.
Terry:This guy is always trying to fuck me.
Roy: This guy is sick.
Terry: And this guy, he's even worse.
Roy:He wants sausage.
Terry: This motherfucker.
John Smothers: [...]
Terry: Did you hear that? You got it on tape. He wants to fuck me in the ass!
John Smothers: If it's too big I won't force it.
Terry: He thinks that I'm gonna . . .
Masked Guy: Zappa is the best guitarist in the city, in the world. His music is amazing. He's a genius, an absolute genius. There's nobody like him anywhere. Nobody can play like Zappa. And that's about it.
Interviewer: And how many times have you seen him?
Masked Guy: Uh, this is the third night in a row, and last year every show he played, Halloween and Christmas. He's just like the best, next to Cat Stevens.
Crowd:Zappa! Zappa! etc.
Guy with Face Paint:Yeah! Yeah! Frank Zappa! Yeah!
Kerry McNabb: Good thing his last name isn't Polinski, or they'd be going, "Polinski!"
Girl in Crowd: I love Zappa, he's a [...]
Girl: [...] To see Zappa, why not? That's why I came here. Because, um, I'm just getting into Zappa and I think he's great. And I want to hear "Dinah-Moe Humm" and "Camarillo Brillo" and I don't know. That's why.
Guy: Rocks.
Girl: [...] the best guitarist in the world . . .
Guy: I don't wanna hear "Dinah-Moe Humm." Warner Brothers sucks.
Another Guy: I don't wanna hear "Dinah-Moe Humm" either. I wanna hear him do "Help, I'm A Rock".
"GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY SURROUNDED"
includes Flakes (at the studio) and parts of the leather conversation
includes scenes from Kaufhaus Hertie, Munich, Germany, 1978
Bill Harrington: My name is Bill Harrington, I do the keyboards on stage left, and buy the occasional speaking toy for Frank when he looks depressed.
"BANK ROBBERY . . . "
Bill Harrington: I got the car in Toronto. It's, uh, from a little toy store, and it was given to us by an Italian girl who donated it for free, once I confirmed her suspicion that Frank was indeed a true Italian.
John Smothers: . . . put your hands through there.
FZ: You know, the important thing about this instrument is the way the air smells when it comes out of these holes . . .
Roy: Ooofff! Did you smell that before?
Because . . .
I never thought . . .
O'Hearn: Well, don't be ashamed
Moire?: Smell it . . .
Roy: Let me just do this because I have to uh . . . you're a nice looking girl. Oh, don't go down on me. Not yet, please. I just wanna talk. Can't you wait? Can I put this on you for a while? You know, it's something that I've always wanted to. Let me sit you up here. Oh wait. Let me give you a bath. Will you take a bath with me first? And then I'll, uh . . . Let me put this [...] and just give you a bath. See how nice I was? Sit up there. Let me put this on you. [...] gas mask. You look nice. I love you so much. You know I'm gonna go down and sing. I'm gonna dance, oh God. Lemme . . . What'd you say? Oh, let me put this on there, come on. Real nice. You don't want it on? Don't open your mouth, I'm not even doing nothing to you yet. You want this in your mouth? Come on. Push it in. Push it in. Oh, excuse me. Are you a little girl? You're just a little wunky gunky?
I'm a moron 'n this is my wife
She's frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here's
American made
It's a little bit cheesey,
But it's nicely displayed
Well we don't get excited when it
Crumbles 'n breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some Flakes
They rush on over
'N wreck it some more
'N we are so dumb
They're linin' up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
"Never flush a tampoon!"
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Yeah ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day
WOO-OOO
Girl in the audience: Oh, I love you, are ya kidding me, man? I waited so many years to come here and be here . . . I love you!
Bass Solo:
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977
Kybds Solo:
The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1977
John Smothers: Well, what can I say about this band. This band is young, and it's stupid. It asks for soundchecks ten times a day, when is the wake-up, what time to get on the, on the plane. It's just not like the other band. And when you travel to New York, boy, they're gonna see a hard time.
The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1977
FZ: How did you like that one?
Awright. See that? That's what you call a new song. When I'm gonna stand up here and read the son of a bitch while I'm doing it. We figured that this is a good place to do this song. It's only been performed once before and that was the, the evening after it was actually written in uh, Boston. I'll tell you the story of this song. This is called CREATIVE DEVIATION FROM THE NORMAL PART OF THE PROGRAM, simply because you trust the audience's good taste so much that you know that even if the band fucks up they'll go along with it. Awright. Because, ladies and gentlemen, this song has an important message and I believe this message has to be brought to the people of this great metropolitan area.
Awright, now check this out. How many of you people feel that ROCK has gotten entirely TOO PREPOSTEROUS? I see that you're not all convinced. Some of you believe that ROCK is REAL. I can see that there was probably about 20 percent of the audience has had it up to here, and the rest of you people still believe in that shit. Okay, well this is dedicated to the rest of you people that still believe in that shit.
Now check this out: How d— how do you rationalize the appearance of an album entitled I'm In You? I mean, wha . . . what, what is that? Is that guy kidding? (What, I gotta kiss you again? Okay.) Really, look, all kidding aside, folks. Let's think about the world of rock, just for a moment. Some of you already have those cute little shirts on that say "disco sucks," right? That's not all that sucks. 'Course Warner Brothers sucks, but besides Warner Brothers there are other things about this business that really suck. One of 'em is the way in which the subject of LOVE is dealt with in the lyrics of various 'serious rock artists,' the intensive-care contingent of the rock world. These people, these people are FUCKED UP, they're really FUCKED UP. Because see, love isn't the way they're telling you about it, you know, they're telling you wrong. I'm gonna tell you right, you see.
A few handy pointers . . . a few handy pointers about the subject of love. First of all, love is not the end of the world. Love is the BEGINNING of the world, you see. Many people write about the subject of love as if that was some ultimate attainment to a spirit. Go fuck yourself! But no, really, ladies and gentlemen, they are trying to stultify your minds, because you can have love where you can go beyond that into realms that are even more interesting. I won't bore you with the details, but uh . . . check this out. This song is called, you already know 'bout "I'm In You," right? This song is called "I Have Been In You."
Now all of the ladies in the audience, you get to have fantasy time. This is female fantasy hour. Okay? You're a teen-age girl, right? You have abducted the succulent popstar of your choice, right? You have taken the aforementioned popstar, who is really cute and Aryan and eats a lot of crumpets, back to your teen-age room. That's right, spindle twice. You have taken this turkey back to your room, you have laid on your teen-age bed, you have put your teen-age legs up in the air, you have actually taken your own teen-age pants off. You have the teen-age red bulb on, right next to the bed. The curtains are drawn, it's dark, it's midnight. You put on a Phoebe Snow record, you're really relaxing. Tears come to your eyes, you are sensitive, you are in love. The popstar of your choice takes off his pants and climbs on top of you, and the next thing you know you hear this little voice in your ear and it says:
"I'M IN YOU!"
Roy: I love you so, I never thought I love you so . . . What's that cream right there? . . . God you're all dirty. Should I give you another bath? And then I'll [cack] you. Wait a minute, I'll [cack] you . . .
You
Have been in me
And understandably . . .
Roy: Did you like that?
I have been in 'n outa you
Roy: Do you remember that Indian?
An' everywhere
Roy: Do you remember that Indian that used to give, uh—
You want me to
Roy: Remember that Indian that used to give, uh?
Yes, you know it's true;
Roy: Kew-ee-ah. [...] where ever that Indian is, but he'd sure like to be with you, wouldn't he?
And while
I was inside
I mighta been
Roy: [...] if you ever had legs . . . and, uh . . .
Undignified
And that is maybe
Why you cried
Roy: Those beautiful lips, so beautiful eyes . . .
I don't know
Maybe so
Roy: Indio, Indio. Take a crack at this, guys . . .
But just remember now
I have been in you, baby (baby)
And you have been in me
And ain't no time
To wash yer hand
Go on 'n roll over
I'm goin' in you again
I said, I'm going in you again, baby (yeah)
'N you can go in me too, (in me again)
That's right
'N I'm goin' in you again, baby (in you agaaaa-in)
'N later when we get through
Guess what . . .
includes a Gas Mask number and a quotation from You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby (Warren/Mercer)
The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1977
Roy: Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Oy! Oh- oh, oh! This fucking s— somebody (coughs) . . . What is this? What is this fucking . . . ? It's slut! It's mutt! It's cock! Ahahaha . . . Why did they have to . . . Why? Why did they have to... be— why did they create this . . . wha— this stupid so— gu— ah— office call. Office call.
FZ: Disco.
Roy: Off— oh! Oh sm—
FZ: Disco.
Roy: Smu— air. Air. Fuck.
FZ: Disco.
Roy: A— Disco Boy . . .
FZ: OK. You know, so right in the middle of that "ren-den-tun-den-ten-den-hun-den-ten-den" only use that, that wide vibrato on that thing. Now you can play that "den-den-dun-dun-den-den-den," only out. OK, try that. One, two, three, four . . .
Roy: Yeah . . . yeah-yeah-yeah . . . yeah . . . yeah-yeah-yeah
FZ: No, no, no. The idea is that they're still the, they're still the orchestra. They're orchestra, you know?
Band member: Yeah, I get ya.
Another band member: These two? Or do you wanna . . .
FZ: No, no. You're, you're orchestra. When I cue you to go into some rhythm under— What is that weird sound? Is that oscillating? . . . is the last . . . OK. Awright, try it again. Right from the beginning. Phew-ew. Start with the, start with the xylophone this time. A low cluster on there. Like a low octave of D minor 9.
Roy: Is this back again? Huh huh, huh! Is this again the . . . the same, uh . . . Ha ha ha . . . Why? Why did we ever, uh? When did we start?
FZ: Go, go on the organ with D minor like we did before. No, this organ here. D minor.
Roy: This is all, this is all we . . . We just wanted to, ah, he he heh. You know we just wanted, just to, uh, make everybody . . . ha ha ha ha. But then all those stupid son-of-a-bitches up in the fucking son-of-a-bitches. Those bastards . . . their fucking buildings. Them and their stupid big [mono dicks]. You know they just want to, uh, a-ha ha. They made this son-of-a . . . You must have been a beautiful— I don't want to. I don't want to. We just want . . . we wanna be, we wanna be! You have to do this. Ah ah ah ah a ha ha. Oh oh oh. I never thought that you were so cool. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Oh more, more, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, in, back, out, oh, in. Wha—
FZ: Return to Managua.
Roy: Sha— mi— ma— di— ma— ni— na. Your eyes were so full of it. Your eyes were just the cause of it. Aaahh. Aaahhh. A-ha ha. This is. A-ha ha. This is. A-ha ha. This is. A-ha ha.
"GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY
SURROUNDED BY
POLICEMEN
IF YOU PULL DOWN YOUR GUNS
AND COME OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP
WE GUARANTEE
YOU WON'T BE HARMED"
"BANK ROBBERY
REPORTED AT THE NATIONAL BANK
PROCEED THERE IMMEDIATELY . . .
BANK ROBBERY
REPORTED AT THE NATIONAL BANK
PROCEED THERE IMMEDIATELY . . .
GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY SURROUNDED BY
BANK ROBBERY REPORTED
GIVE YOURSELF UP
BANK ROBBERY REP . . .
BANK ROBBERY REP . . .
BANK ROBBERY REP . . .
BANK ROBBERY REP . . .
BANK ROBBERY
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
BANK ROBBERY
BANK ROBBERY
BANK ROBBERY
GIVE YOURSELF UP
BANK ROBBERY
GIVE YOURSELF UP
GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY
SURROUNDED BY POLICEMEN
IF YOU PULL DOWN YOUR GUNS
AND COME OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP
WE GUARANTEE
YOU WON'T BE HARMED"
The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1977
Disco Boy
Run to the toilet, honey,
Comb your hair
Disco Boy
Pucker yer lips,
'N check yer shoulders,
'Cause some dandruff might be
Hidin' there!
Disco Boy,
You're the DISCO KING!
Aw, the Disco-Thing
Made you think
Someday,
That you
Just might GO SOMEWHERE!
Disco Girl!
You're 'out-a-site'!
You need a Disco Boy
To treat you right
He'll do a little dance;
Take you home tonight
(Leave his hair alone,
But you can kiss his comb)
Disco Boy!
Run to the toilet honey,
Comb your hair
Guy In The Audience: THEY STOLE MY POODLE FROM LAST . . .
Disco Boy!
. . . more than three times 'n yer playin' with it
(WOW!)
While yer standin' there!
Listen . . .
Disco Boy!
Do the Bump every night, 'til the Disco Girl
Who's REALLY RIGHT
Gonna fall for yer line,
'N feed you a box fulla
Chicken Delight!
(That's right!
And then when she feeds it to you,
You have to eat it!)
Disco chit-chat; so demure!
Pump that booty all across the floor!
A disco drink
A disco wink
"You never go doody!"
(That's what you think)
"You never go doody!"
(That's what you think)
"You never go doody!"
(That's what you think)
Doody
You never go doody
Doody
You never go doody
Disco Boy!
You got one more chance
To comb your hair again
Disco Boy!
They're closin' the bar,
And she's leavin' with your friend!
(That's right!)
Disco Boy,
That's the way it goes,
So wipe your nose,
'N try it again,
To get a little pussy tomorrow!
Disco Boy,
No one understands,
But thank THE LORD
That you still got hands
To help you do that jerkin' that'll
Blot out yer Disco Sorrow!
(Jerk it!)
It's Disco Love tonight
Make sure you look all right
It's Disco Love tonight
Make sure you look all right
(You look all right, you really do!)
Bruce Bickford: And when the, when the dis-, disco or something as obtuse as that could link up with . . .
FZ: Mm-heh-heh-heh . . .
Bruce Bickford: . . . with this, this foul energy flowing up from the Earth that it's on . . . No, not that the Earth is anything bad, but there's a . . .
FZ: It's just the stuff coming up from the bottom that's not so hot.
Bruce Bickford: Yeah, and the place is coming up with, into this dungeon. Well . . . together, and these giant monsters are born, hideous creatures . . . all this, this electrical energy is flowing into the discos, so franticly . . .
FZ: Yeah.
Bruce Bickford: . . . that, through this high, high tension lines . . .
FZ: Uh-huh . . .
Bruce Bickford: That the monsters cause a reversal of that energy and send the power back to its source to this, this big nuclear reactor . . .
FZ: Yeah.
Bruce Bickford: And when it all gets there it's just a big implosion, and because the, the reactor to just, suck into itself, and bust a hole through our dimension into something else, maybe . . .
FZ: Yeah. Is that how it ends?
Bruce Bickford: Well, probably, you know, I mean uh, give, give people somewhere to escape through.
O'Hearn: What? Your talent for sucking?
Bozzio: I . . .
O'Hearn: Never . . .
Roy:
Whatcha gonna do when the well runs dry-y-y-y?
Moire: Oh God, no, not again . . .
Bozzio: Wait a minute; we gotta get somethin' happenin' here. He's in there spendin' thousands of dollars 'n shit . . . We should make this worthwhile. We should . . . We should get into something REAL
O'Hearn: Ho Ho
Moire: LEATHER!
Bozzio: No, man, he's not interested in Leather . . . shit . . . That shit's been fuckin' rubbed in the ground . . . Hmmmm . . . Christ, that's goin' on two tours old now . . . We gotta come up with some new shit . . .
O'Hearn: Oh-ho-ho-you don't think so, huh?
includes another Gas Mask number
King Kong:
The Palladium, NYC
October 30, 1977
Gas Mask:
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977
FZ: Trombone solo.
Phil Kaufman: What song is it?
FZ: "King Kong."
Phil Kaufman: Oh. Can I hear it?
FZ: You can hear it. Just play, make a trombone solo over it. I, I'll give you the cue.
Phil Kaufman: BURP. (Human trombone solo)
?: Work it out, man. Yeah. Come on, work it out, man. Yeah. Yeah! Thank you!
Phil Kaufman: Thank you!
FZ: Phil Kaufman, our road manager, the Human Trombone . . . Roy? Roy, get the gas mask . . .
Roy: Oh, looord . . .
FZ: In this scene, a lonely boy of European extraction . . . is falling in love with a sexually aroused gas mask.
Roy: Hee haw hee! Hee haw hee! Hee haw heeee! Hoo. Hee-oo. Oh . . . It's all . . . Ah, bee, why, bee, why, wing, brown, cack, crack, oh, oh, just . . . oh hee oh eee. "You must have been a beautiful baby, baby" . . . Please. Please, anybody. Please help me, please help. Please help me. Please help . . . Please help . . . Heh hu heh uh . . . ha ha ha ha ha . . . You— (cough) You did it. You. I can't. I can't. I can't can't. Oh oh oh oh . . . Please, please, oh, it's gone, it's gone. I can't, Frankie, I can't. I can't do . . . I can't . . . I can't . . . Heh heh heh heh a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . .
FZ: What's he doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: Watch him eat, and while he's eating, talk to me while he's eating and ask me what he's doing.
?: What are you doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: What you're doing?
Crowd: He's eating!
FZ: Now listen, I'll tell you one more time. Watch him eat, and while he's eating (ah, go fuck yourself). Watch him eat, and while he's eating, talk to me while he's eating and ask me what he's doing. What you're doing?
Roy: He's reading.
FZ: No, he's not reading, he's eating. Now, I'll tell ya again. Watch—
Roy: He's eating.
FZ: That's right, he's eating.
Roy: I know it.
FZ: I know, ok. One big loud noise! . . . You go back there . . . watch the wire . . . oh, no wonder! His microphone was disconnected, oh . . . Wait a minute . . . Was that coming out at all? Could you hear what he was saying at all? Oh, I hope that wasn't wasted! It wasn't wasted? Good.
includes a quotation from By The Beautiful Sea (Carroll/Atteridge)
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977
FZ: The name of this song is "Bobby Brown Goes Down."
Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n I'm actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her
Oh God, I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
Get a good job 'n be real rich
Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then
She tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick
Oh God, I am the American dream . . .
FZ: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it, I want to do this right. I'm thinking about—wait a minute, hold it, wait a minute—when somebody—wait a minute—when somebody hands me panties and a brassière with a note, I gotta read it. Okay. "Frank, came all the way from Canada to see four shows. They're fantastic. Please play 'Bobby Brown' and some Läther or 'Enema Bandit.' Love . . . Lacy, Tracy and Richard. Hi, Adrian (spelled wrong)," and then it says, "'Jewish Princess' was great." Okay.
Oh God, I am the American dream
Now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which
So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the Tower of Power
As long as I gets a little golden shower
Oh God, I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown . . .
includes a quotation from Band Of Gold (Taylor/Musel)
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977
Includes scenes from Germany, 1978
FZ: Watch me now, because the name of this song is "Conehead." One, two, three, four . . .
Adrian: How I got in the band? It was very simple, see, I was playing crud in a Nashville crud auditorium, a little small crud club and uh, Frank happened to come in with this giant, huge, bald person of colored sort, and uh, heard me play for about 40 minutes and said, "You're so fantastic at this crud and you play the cheapest harmonica I've ever heard, why don't you come up to L.A. and audition for me?"
FZ: This is Phil Kaufman, ladies and gentlemen, a very fine road manager. This man is very fine. He has a story to tell about life on the road from his point of view. We're gonna interfere with his ideas quite a bit now, but . . .
Phil Parmet?: I was a cadet in the summer, no in the s— in the fall of '64 for six months in a Texas military institute. I was quite a terrible soldier, but I learned how to sing the Airborne Ranger song . . .
FZ: . . . and anybody else who wants to sing along, accompany him while he explains what he does for a living. OK? Hit it.
Terry: I . . . wait a minute.
Roy: There's his anus . . .
John Smothers: Oh my goodness. Terry has a poop chute. Terry's got the prettiest little poop chute goin' when he's takin' a shower. So I had to get towels for the boys to take showers. I had to see Terry's poop chute. And I think we got a couple bitches in the band, Frank.
Terry: Do you have a slip?
John Smothers: Yeah, I have a slip, I have a couple slips. I have a couple little girls there . . .
Adrian: And if you believe that, I got some real good swamp land I'd like to sell you in Florida . . .
Terry: What the fuck is this, man?
?: . . . baby boomer . . . this line of work . . . in New York City . . . you know, being a lawyer in New York City is . . . I'd like to tell . . . the rock & roll business. My first experience with rock & roll. You know, I . . .
Terry: The tradition of the iron sausage was further perpetuated by one of those private-like European urinal stalls, you know, they have those little walls between them. Where John said, "Boy, I gotta stand back," to make room for the salami, you know. But I really couldn't see, you know. And then, man, he made the mistake of, uh, changing into his karate pants one night when I was around. And finally, I looked over and said, "Man, I thought you had some salami in there!"
John Smothers: I told you, that shrunk up in the bay! Oh, Terry . . .
Terry: I love this man, I mean, Frank told me to come in and razz him. I don't want to razz him. I just wanna fuck Roy.
?: A simple little band of gold. A tight little gasbag is all that you'll need.
John Smothers: Here come the homos. Especially that little cute faggot in them pants.
FZ: We're gonna start off with uh, "Stink Foot" instead of the other one, just like I said before, ok? For the magic trick thing just have to find some place in the middle of the show where it feels like it's gonna work. And then for a vamp, just uh, play it like you were playing in a cocktail lounge . . . That's all you need to know. Yeah, it goes "Stink Foot" poodle, into "Dirty Love," and then into "Peaches." Okay? And Roy has to be on tap for the dance contest with the gas mask . . .
Roy: . . . or somebody . . .
FZ: Well, you carry it with you. It's like you've always got it, you know. In case you meet someone you like, you have to make him wear it. But it would be better if you could get one of the girls from the audience to actually put it on, and then take it off of her, because she's not good enough . . .
?: Okay, let's go, boys and girls . . .
Interviewer: What's the truth about Frank Zappa?
John Smothers: What's the truth about Frank? Frank is a hell of a musician. When I first started workin' for him, I was brought in for one week. And I told his last road manager, I said, "That son of a bitch is crazy, gimme my plane ticket, let me go home." And then he took a five piece band, and he started playin' symphony music, and that got me hooked, 'cuz I like classical music.
Aw, I knew you'd be surprised . . .
One, two, three, four!
Feelin' sorry
Feelin' sad
So many ugly people
I feel bad
I'm so cute
They're so homely
Some of them
At home 'n lonely
Wish they could be
Very cute like me
They will never
Get to be
Some folks got it
Some folks don't
Some so ugly
They never won't
Everybody
See his hair
See his clothes
I'm sure you care
Terry Ted
Is really sweet
(Watch the way he keep the beat)
Sweet as honey
He's a piece of cake
From the ginseng root
'N stuff he take
Vitamin E
'N all the B's
(He's so cool he'll make you freeze)
Make you freeze
(Make you freeze)
Excuse me please
Step aside
I'm gonna ride
I'm gonna strut
I'm gonna slide
Hey, ugly folks
Go get some cyanide
An' die
Die, die, die, die!
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
Ugly is bad
And bad is wrong
And wrong is sinful
And sin leads to eternal damnation
An' hot burnin' fire
Hot burnin' fire
Hot burnin' fire
Hot burnin' fire
Screams of agony
Screams of agony
Screams of agony
Screams of agony
Arrrrrrghhhhhhh!
One, two, three, four!
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
Aaaaaah . . .
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
Aaaaaah . . .
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so . . . I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute . . .
. . . I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute!
Aaaaaah . . .
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm so cute
I'm really cute
I'm really cute
I'm really cute
I'm really cute
I'm really cute
I'm so cute!
I'm so cute!
I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute!
I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute! I'm so cute!
I'm so cute
I'm so . . .
Bruce Bickford: I can't go much further than that right now.
FZ: But how does it end?
Bruce Bickford: I, I guess that would be the end, unless you want to show what's happening on the other side.
FZ: So what's happening on the other side?
Bruce Bickford: Uh, something more primordial than this Earth. I mean, the, the industrialists and all these type of criminals don't have that big a foothold . . .
FZ: On the other dimension.
Bruce Bickford: Yeah.
FZ: Yet.
Bruce Bickford: Yeah.
FZ: But when you open up that hole they can go in there, right?
Bruce Bickford: Yeah.
FZ: How are you gonna keep 'em out?
Bruce Bickford: Well . . .
FZ: If this movie makes it possible for them to get in there and interfere with the primordial existence in the other dimension do you think you're really doing a public service by presenting it to 'em?
Bruce Bickford: No . . . we're, we're just, we're in the entertainment business, you know.
FZ: Yeah, you and me, Bruce, entertainment all the way.
includes The Black Page #2 and quotations from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton), The Third Man Theme (Karas), Song Of The Volga Boatmen (Trad.), It's Only A Paper Moon (Arlen/Harburg), and Stranger In Paradise (Borodin)
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977
It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
'Cause the sky's too tight
Heard the scarey wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me
I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . .
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery
FZ: How 're you doin'?
I noticed even the crickets
Actin' weird up here
'N so I figured I might
Just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . "
But there was no reply
'Cause she was gone . . .
"Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!"
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil . . .
He's about this big . . .
He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright,
I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You sonofabitch!"
'Cause I was mad at him,
He just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter,
Said: BANG BANG BANG
Then the sucker just laughed 'n said:
Terry:
Put it away . . .
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?
FZ:
You ate my Chrissy?
Terry:
Yeah! Titties 'n all!
FZ:
Well, what about the beer then?
Terry:
Now, were the cans this tall?
FZ:
Even her boots?
Terry:
Would I lie to you?
FZ:
Shit, you musta been hungry!
Terry:
Yeah! This is true.
FZ:
Don't they pay you good
For the stuff that you do?
Terry:
Well, you know
I can't complain when the checks come through . . .
FZ:
Well I want my Chrissy.
Terry:
Oh yeah?
FZ:
'N I want my beer
So you just barf it back up
Now, Devil, do you hear?
Terry:
Look— Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the Devil,
Do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your
Titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here . . .
FZ:
Yer goddam right, you
Son-of-a-whore
Terry:
Don't call me that!
FZ:
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for . . .
Gimme that paper . . . bet yer horns I'll sign . . .
Because I need a beer,
'N it's titty-squeezin' time!
Terry:
Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad . . .
Adrian: I'm really not a queer. I mean, this is just a part of the show, you know, something we do for a laugh and, uh . . .
FZ:
Oh, yeah?
Terry:
Why, you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had . . .
There was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . . .
'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you . . .
FZ:
Let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you're supposed to be the Devil so . . .
Whatcha gonna do, huh?
Terry: Now hold on just a second . . . you wanna make a deal with me, hah?
Adrian: It's really just a good excuse for me to really show these beautiful legs that I have, you see. I'm sure you saw it while I had my clothes off. I'm much more beautiful under a skirt, wouldn't you say, sailor?
FZ: Yeah!
Terry: Well ah, I don't know man, you know . . . I just don't know about this . . .
FZ: What?
Terry: See, 'cause, uh . . .
FZ: Losing your . . . are you losing your nerve?
Terry: No man, it ain't got nothin' to do with nerve . . . It's got to do . . .
FZ: You're supposed to be the Devil! You're supposed to be bad!
Terry: It's got to do with style, fool! I don't know if you're the right style to get into Hell, you know . . .
FZ: Well, actually, to tell you . . . tell you the honest to God truth, I'm very short on style as a matter of fact . . .
Adrian: You noticed I'm a little, uh, what you'd call flat-chested . . . But you know, I make up for it.
Terry: Yeah, I know . . . that's, that's what makes me wonder.
FZ: But lemme . . . But I have . . . I, I think I have something that you may be interested in . . .
Terry: What is that?
FZ:
You can have my soul
It's a mean little sucker
'Bout a thousand years old
But once you gets it
You can't give it back
You gotta keep it forever
An' that's a natural fact!
Terry: Ooh wee!
FZ: Do you read me devil?
Terry: Oh yeah! What? Am I supposed to be scared, man?
FZ: Oh yeah, Reety aw-righty?
Terry: Oh yeah, that's real tough! I bet you're real bad! Listen fool, you got to prove to me that you're rough enough to get into Hell, that you got the style enough to get into Hell, so start talkin' . . .
FZ: All right, lemme tell ya somethin'.
Terry: All right!
FZ: I'll prove to you that I'm bad enough to go to Hell.
Terry: Yeah!
FZ: Because I have been through it!
Terry: Yeah!
FZ: I have seen it!
Terry: Yeah!
FZ: It has happened to me!
Terry: Yeah!
FZ: Remember, I WAS SIGNED WITH WARNER BROTHERS FOR EIGHT FUCKIN' YEARS!!!
Terry: Tell me about it! Now you're talkin' my language!
FZ: Now how bad is that?
Terry: That sounds good to me, motherfucker!
Adrian: Hey!
Terry: So move right along, tell me what your interests are, you know . . . if we're gonna come to some kind of agreement, I've got to know what you're all about, you know . . . 'Cause I don't know if you're the right cat for the . . . for the place, you know.
FZ: Look . . . lemme tell you what my problem really is, you see.
Terry: Okay . . .
FZ: My problem is that I don't belong anywhere.
Terry: A-ha . . .
FZ: You see . . . I don't even belong where you are, you see.
Terry: I hope not!
FZ: I, I'm a simple person, you know, I have very small desires in life, Titties 'n beer, you know.
Terry: No! What?
FZ: Titties 'n beer!
Terry: No! No man, you're joking . . .
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: What? No!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: No please . . . No! Not that!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: Oh no man, no, please, ARGH!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: No! No! No! No!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, ti-dit-de-dunt de-dunt de-dunt . . .
Terry: No! Not titties 'n beer!
FZ: Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer . . .
Terry: Oh, I can't stand titties 'n beer! . . .
FZ: Ay-ya hey-yah! Ah-titties 'n beer, ah-titties 'n beer, ah-titties 'n beer, ah-titties 'n . . . (I'M IN YOU!) . . . titties 'n beer . . . (I'M IN YOU!)
Terry: Oh no! No! No! Wait . . .
FZ: Ah! Look at this! What am I gonna do with this thing?
Terry: . . . Wait, wait, please no!
FZ: Hey! Look at this!
Terry:
No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think . . .
Hold on a second, boy . . .
'Cause that's Magic Ink!
Adrian: I'm going out now. Good-bye. See you later, sailor.
Then the Devil barfed
'N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN'
All around the world, she said:
"I GOT THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS,
AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"
Then she gave us the finger,
It was rigid 'n stiff,
That's when the Devil, she farted
An' she went right over the cliff
The Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
Swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
All right!
FZ: You know what time is, don't you? . . . I— 'Cause know a lot of you people I s— I see the same people here tonight that I've seen for many of these shows . . . and I re— I really appreciate the fact that you came back. Thank you. Okay. This is—for those of you who haven't been here before—this is Audience Participation Time. Now, tonight, since this is Halloween, we're gonna— Hi, there! You're a cute girl. Come up here . . . Yeah, you. Come here . . . Hi. What's your name?
Janet The Planet: Janet The Planet.
FZ: Jan The Plan?
Janet The Planet: Janet The Planet.
FZ: Janet The Planet? Janet, hold this. I'm pleased to meet you by the way. Thank you. Okay, Janet is going to administer discipline to a couple of members of the audience. Hey . . . You want some? Okay, come on. Don't step on him, here. What's your name?
John: Hey, my name is John.
FZ: All right, John. Janet, how d'you feel about John?
Janet The Planet: It's fun.
FZ: Janet . . .
Janet The Planet: I'd like to request a friend's presence.
FZ: You wanna request a friend's presence?
Janet The Planet: Yes.
FZ: What's the friend's name?
Janet The Planet: Her name is Donna U Wanna.
FZ: Donna U Wanna? Would Donna U Wanna, please, step to the podium. It's Donna U Wanna, hey . . . And what is this in the bottle? What is— Yoo-Hoo, oh, hey . . .
Donna U Wanna: Hi!
FZ: Ok. Are you gonna be her assistance in this abusage here? Ok, here's what you do. Do we have any oth— Do we have a utensil for Donna U Wanna? Is there any? Do you take this? Is there anything that Donna U Wanna can use to whip this poor boy? Where's the whip? . . . Okay! This, this is a real whip. Hey, this is Halloween, we don't fuck around! All right . . . Hey, relax, there's plenty— We're gonna have plenty of fun 'n games up here during Audience Participation Time, okay? Uh, would that young lady please come up here, that one there, yes, send her right on up. You were here last night for "Disco Boy." You were the one I was going, "You never go doody, that's what you think," that's right. Okay. Now, just relax. Just hold yourself in abeyance momentarily because we have to get on with Phase One of Audience Participation! You, with the white. You, come up here. You. Okay. Now. You're sure you want this?
John: I don't know if I can go through with this if that's a real whip.
FZ: It's a real whip!
John: A real whip!
FZ: You can, look, you can quit if you want.
John: No, no, I'll go . . .
FZ: You . . .
John: Just hit me softly, hit me softly.
FZ: No, uh-um . . . yeah . . .
John: Yeah, that's right, I know . . . Okay, go all the way!
FZ: All right . . . hi, there, what's your name?
Chris: Chris! That's Chris!
FZ: Pleased to meet you, Chris. Okay.
Angel: What about me, you know?
FZ:Wait a minute, what is your name?
Angel: Angel.
FZ: Angel, my God . . . now look, this, this guy here who looks so . . . What? . . . Oh, waitiminnit. Oh, how fun . . . now, listen. This guy here, as, you John, you really asked for it, he thought we were just gonna had fun up here. John. They're going to beat the living shit out of John tonight. Okay. Now, John, I want you to make yourself comfortable . . . all right. Just put the, there you go, John. Now, sit, make yourself comfortable on any place on the stage. You shouldn't stand up for this because it'll take too much energy. Better to just lie down on your, there, there on the side, that's it. Okay. Now. What you're watching here tonight is not merely Audience Participation, it is a re-enactment of the sum total of modern civilization. John represents the abused, down-trodden artists of the world . . . Here we have the president of Warner Bros. Records, the head of the Warner Bros. legal department, and two famous attorneys from Gang, Tyre & Brown. Okay. Give him his contract!
FZ: Hey, John, more agony! More agony, John! This really hurts, John! It's terrible. It's painful. Get down, John. John, you're a wonderful actor. An academy award is yours, John. Plead.
Roy: Dominus vobisc— biscum . . .
FZ: All right, John, John, hold it, hold it, hold it. All right, wait a minute. No, just a moment. John, hey, John, okay, John . . . Can you dance?
John: Yeah, I can dance.
FZ: Are you good? Wait a minute . . .
John: . . . Can-Can. The Can-Can.
FZ: The Can . . . The Can-Can? Wait a minute. Can you guys dance? You can . . .
Janet The Planet: In a horizontal position.
FZ: You can, oh, hey! Say that again, wait a minute. I've just asked this girl if she can dance and she said:
Janet The Planet: In a horizontal position.
John: Frank!
FZ: What?
John: You don't wanna wear this, do ya?
FZ: . . . no, hell, no. My nose is big enough already. All right! This is chaos, stop it! Stop! Stop! All right. It is now time to get into the meat of our performance, and that is the Dance Contest. Now, last night we had ten people up on the stage, maybe twelve, who knows. They were dancing and twirling and trying to keep the beat to "The Black Page #2." Unfortunately, this stage is too small to accommodate the type of spectacle that I wanna put into this film. We don't want just a few people on the stage, we want everybody in the audience trying to dance to this stupid song, so stand up! Stand up! Stand up! All right! Everybody dance to this song, but remember, hey, keep, keep, keep the aisles clear, keep the aisles clear, you never, you never know when there's gonna be an emergency. Okay. The name of this song is "The Black Page #2." One, two, three, four!
The Palladium, NYC
October 29, 1977 (early show)
My baby's got
Jones-crushin' love
Jones-crushin' love (well-ah!)
Jones-crushin' love
Well my baby's got
Jones-crushin' love
Jones-crushin' love
Jones-crushin' love
She don't merely fit like a glove
That little girl's got the jones . . . (yeah!)
That little girl's got the jones . . .
She's tryin' to
Grind up my jones
Grind up my jones
Grind up my jones
Well, she's tryin' to
Grind up my jones
Grind up my jones (hey!)
Grind up my jones
She don't never wanna leave it alone
She can push; she can shove
Till it's just a nub
She can push; she can shove
Till it's just a nub
Just a nub . . .
Just a nub . . .
Here she comes
With her red dress on
Steam shoots out
From the sprinklers on the lawn
Eyes be rolling
On the concrete fawn
The wind can't blow
'Cause the sky is gone
The wind can't blow
'Cause the sky is gone
The wind can't blow
'Cause the sky is gone
The wind can't blow
'Cause the sky is gone
Jones crusher, jones crusher!
Deadly jaws, better get the gauze
She's a jones crusher, jones crusher
Deadly jaws, better get the gauze
She's a . . . mmmh . . . ouch!
Hey, look out for them the deadly jaws, y'all!
Baby turtle, baby, OOOUUUCH!
Aw, jones, y'all . . .
The Palladium, NYC
October 29, 1977 (early show)
Hey! Do you know what you are?
You're an asshole! An ASSHOLE!
Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see . . .
Broken hearts are for assholes
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole?
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole too?
Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole . . .
No no no, yeah yeah yeah
I think
You . . . are . . . an ASSHOLE!
Maybe you think you're a lonely guy
'N maybe you think you're too tough to cry
But you went to The Grape,
Just to give it a try
And Dagmar
(Without a doubt, the ugliest sonofabitch I've ever seen in my life)
Was his name . . .
(But this cute little dish is . . .)
The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his Pancake make-up
(Excuse me now)
Nearly drove you insane
(Nice balls, Felix)
And so you kissed a little sailor
(I was wondering forever . . . you had anything on!)
Who had just blew in from Spain
(Anyway, tomorrow night is salute to leather)
And pull the chain attached to the permanently-erected nipples of Jimmy
(Leather, rubber, vinyl . . .)
In a bold salute to pain
(You've undoubtedly heard of the Seven Rings of Hell . . .)
You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
(This boy is wearing)
And acted like it was cocaine
You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
(Nice, lovely)
In a way you can't explain
And so you worked the wall with Michael
(Tower Of Power)
Which gave your back an awful strain
(Now available . . .)
But you came back on Sunday for the gong shows
(Nice, lovely)
But you forgot what I was sayin'
'Cause you're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Yes, yes
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Well, now you been to The Chest, been to The Grape
Now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole
You say you can't live with what you've been through
Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
(That's right!)
You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you
But don't fool yerself girl
It's lookin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's winkin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's blinkin' at you
That's why I say
I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(Crisco)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(A hot, wet, tight, black rubber shirt)
(Everybody!)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(The Pleasure Chest)
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
(Gr-gr-gr-grips)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
(Ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
(Ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poooop chute
(Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay)
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer . . .
includes a quote from Isn't It Romantic? (Rodgers/Hart)
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977 (with parts from October 29, 1977)
Aw, I knew you'd be surprised . . .
(Yeah . . .)
In today's rapidly changing world rock groups appear every fifteen minutes, utilizing some new promotional device. Some of these devices have been known to leave irreparable scars on the minds of foolish young consumers. One such case is seated before you: Little skinny Terry 'Ted' Bozzio, that cute little drummer! That's right! Terry recently fell in love with a publicity photo of a boy named Punky Meadows . . . (Oh Punky!) Lead guitar player from a group called Angel. In the photograph, Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo in a semi-profile which emphasized the pooched out succulence of his insolent pouting rictus, the sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire!
I can't stand the way he pouts
'Cause he might not be pouting for me!
Patrick: Punky Meadows pouting for you? Hah!
Terry: You mean . . .
Patrick: You bet, sailor!
Terry: You mean he's not . . .
Patrick: I think the guy's gay!
Terry: He's not pouting . . . he's not pouting for me?
His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'Til I squirm with ecstasy
Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on . . .
Oh, Punky, isn't it romantic?
Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on . . .
I promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, Punky, your album's the shits
It's all wrong . . .
I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven Tyler would PAY to see!
PAY to see!
Punky's lips, Punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips
I love his teeth, 'n his gums 'n such . . .
PUNKY
(What is it?)
You're an ANGEL . . . you're too much
(Ooh. Nice.)
(The voice of my thoughts
In my lonely teen-age room)
He's been havin' a rash
(No shit)
That keeps the girls away
Skin doom
(Skin doom!)
Is what the doctors say
(And that makes me wonder)
I wonder what Punky is rehearsin' today
I'll just go over 'n hear him play
His hair is so pretty . . . I'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck
But . . .
I AIN'T QUEER
I AIN'T GAY
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array
A wrist array)
(That's all it is, I swear)
Punky's lips, Punky's lips
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
YANK IT PUNKY!
YANK IT FASTER!
YANK IT HARDER!
YANK IT ALL NIGHT LONG!
COME ON PUNKY!
GET FUNKY!
I AIN'T QUEER
(No no no no!)
I AIN'T GAY
(No no no no!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array
A wrist array)
(And then he told me now:)
I AIN'T QUEER!
(Hey!)
I AIN'T GAY!
(Hey! Hey!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array)
I-I, Lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-I, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on, Punky!
Give me your lips!
Right on my penis-tip!
Patrick O'Hearn, Adrian Belew, Tommy Mars, Terry Bozzio, Peter Wolf, Ed Mann! Thanks for comin' to the show!
Cameraman?: You think they liked you?
FZ: What?
Cameraman?: You think they liked you?
Roy?: (laughs) Who cares?
FZ: What do you mean, who cares? That's no way to talk about these people . . . Take your hat off to them.
includes a quote from Sunshine Of Your Love (Brown/Bruce/Clapton)
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977
FZ: Awright . . . I wanna tell you one more time, I wanna thank you, because I really appreciate this . . . Okay, all right, all right, all right . . . okay, look, no . . . there's, there's no way that I can show my appreciation to you. But lis— but n— let's not get maudlin about this . . . The name of this song is "Dinah-Moe Humm." One, two, three, four . . .
Couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
Strolled on over, said look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill says you can't make me cum
No way! Y'jes can't do it
She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
So I got down to it
Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum
I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
Got a spot that gets me hot
An' you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
An' you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
An' I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta be out of it
To get myself into it
'Cause I can't get into it
Unless I get out of it
An' I gotta get out of it
Before I get into it
She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said . . . and here's what she said . . .
Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up
Well, then my body don't care
I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said my-my-my
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?
The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet
I told her . . .
Just because the sun
Want a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try
So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked her if she had any cooties in there
(Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!)
She was buns-up kneelin'
(Buns up!)
I was wheelin' an' dealin'
(Wheelin' an' dealin' an' ooooh!)
She surrender to the feelin'
(She sweetly surrendered)
She started in to squealin'
Dinah-Moe watched
From the edge of the bed
With her lips just twitchin'
An' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in
She quivered 'n quaked
An' clutched at herself
Her sister made a joke
About her mental health
Until Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline
I said
. . .
Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . .
That's right!
You know why?
Because obviously it was real angora
And then I said,
Would you all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Do you wanna?
Brian: Frank, Frank . . . up on stage, up on stage, Frank . . .
FZ: What?
Brian: Take me up man, I want . . .
FZ: Take you up?
Brian: Yeah!
FZ: Sure! . . . Wait a minute, now that you're up on stage, what's your name?
Brian: Brian Rivera.
FZ: Are you having an okay Halloween, Brian?
Brian: I'm having an excellent time! Sing for Greenwich, man, Greenwich, Connecticut . . .
FZ: All right now, I'll tell you what, Brian, do you know the words to this song?
Brian: Well, in a way, in a way . . .
FZ: Okay, here's . . . Brian, this is your golden opportunity. This is the Frank Zappa Perform-Alike Contest, and here's what you're going to do: We're gonna play the song again and you're gonna pretend you're me, and you pretend to sing the song and dance all across the stage and give these people a very good Halloween show, would you?
Brian: Right! Yeah! Yeah!
FZ: Okay, ready? Work! Work!
Couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
(Great!)
Strolled on over, said look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill says you can't make me cum
Y'jes can't do it
She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
(Nice . . .)
I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
So I got down to it
Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum
I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
You know, I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
FZ: Hey! How come you guys aren't singing it? Wait a minute, wait a minute . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
(That's right!)
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
Dinah-Moe . . .
(Give me that hat!)
All right!
FZ: All right, all right . . . What? "San Ber'dino"? No, no, not yet. I'll tell you what. Boy is this thing hard to hold on your head! Let's do another song. Here . . .
Guy From The Audience: "San Ber'dino"!
FZ: No no, we'll do that later . . . Hey, thanks, man, you do a pretty good imitation of me. Nice fingernail polish! Really good! Really good! I like that. Let's wait, look at, show the camera, show the camera your fingernails. Very good, nice . . . All right! What's this? Thank you! What? Okay! Thank you! Wait a minute! Ah . . . take these . . . Okay!
includes Muffin Man
The Palladium, NYC
October 30-31, 1977
One, two, three, four!
She had that Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red
She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo
She said she was a Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know
She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(Actually I was very busy then . . . )
And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets
She stripped away her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more
She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
(Okay, "Black Napkin"!)
Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets
I chewed my way through her rancid panocha
(Joey Psychotic, ladies and gentlemen!)
She laid buck naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
(Hi, darling, how you doin'?)
And it was useless anymore
Yes, it was (back up, back up!) anymore
(Hey, you're hurtin' Joey Psychotic!)
Yes, it was useless anymore
(Move back now!)
Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'
Girl, you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a . . . didn't know nuthin'
(All right!)
FZ: Patrick O'Hearn, Adrian Belew, Tommy Mars, Terry Bozzio, Peter Wolf and Ed Mann. And we're gonna actually play one more song.
The Palladium, NYC
October 30-31, 1977
FZ: The name of this song is "San Bernardino."
She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago
His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato
She's in love with a boy
From the rodeo
Who pulls the rope on the chute
When they let those suckers go
He got slobberin' drunk at the Palomino
They give him thirty days in San Ber'dino
Well there's forty-four men
Stashed away in Tank "C"
An' there's only one shower
But it don't apply to Bobby
You might think they're
Dumb an' lonely
But you're wrong
'Cause their love is strong
Stacked-up hair
An' a cheap little ring
They don't care
'Cause it don't mean a thing
Looka there . . .
They don't care
Best-est way that
They can feel-o
Out on the highway
Rollin' a wheel-o
He's her Tootsie
She's for real-o
Trailer park heaven
It's a real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
The rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Spend the rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me
Down to San Ber'dino
60 miles, 60 miles
Down the San Ber'dino freeway
They got some dark green air
An' you can choke all day
Spend the rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout uh uh
Ain't talkin' 'bout the Redlands, no no
Hey! Zulch is the auto works
I'm tellin' you
That's where they take
All the cars that they hurt
Come on and let's all go down to San Ber'dino
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo
Ooo-ooo-ahh!
Brrrr . . .
Wouldja b'lieve it
Wouldja b'lieve it
Wouldja b'lieve it
Hey!
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
(Got to call it)
San Ber'dino
(C'mere)
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
Oh Bobby, I'm sorry you got a head like a potato . . .
The Palladium, NYC
October 31, 1977
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
"GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY
SURROUNDED BY
POLICEMEN"
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
FZ: Thank you! Thank you . . . thank you . . . thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank everyone of you, and good night.
FZ: I like that one . . . already— did you see that baby snake that guy gave me?
John Smothers: Yeah.
FZ: Where is it? Roy!
Patrick: . . . and bust his balls. Hey! You know what!
THE CAST
in the order of their appearance
playing themselves
FRANK ZAPPA
ADRIAN BELEW
TOMMY MARS
TERRY BOZZIO
KERRY McNABB
RON DELSENER
BRUCE BICKFORD
ROB LEACOCK
ED MANN
WARREN CUCURULLO
CHRIS MARTIN
KLAUS HUNDSBICHLER
FRENCHY THE POODLE
Ms. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER
ROY ESTRADA
JOHN SMOTHERS
DAVID DITKOWICH
NEW YORK'S FINEST CRAZY PERSONS
BILL HARRINGTON
PATRICK O'HEARN
PHIL PARMET
PETER WOLF
DICK PEARCE
ANGEL
JANET THE PLANET
DONNA U WANNA
PHIL KAUFMAN
TEX ABEL
DALE BOZZIO
DIVA
JOHN
CHRIS
NANCY
BRIAN RIVERA
JOEY PSYCHOTIC
and probably lots more people
whose names we couldn't find out
but whose assistance in making this film
is greatly appreciated
Road Manager
& Human trombone:
Phil Kaufman
Iron Sausage:
John Smothers
Stage Crew:
Alan Barclay
Bill Harrington
J.L. Housman
Paul Hof
Kenny Lyon
Davey Moire
Gregory Mulgrew
Thomas Nordegg
Leon Rodriguez
Alan Santos
Earl Charles
Earl Matthews
Tex Abel
Assistants:
Ira Brenner
Dickson Sorenson
Doug Hart
Algerman Ramirez
Soundmen:
Nigel Noble
Joe S
Chat Gunter
Kim Ornirz
Cabet Smith
Harry Lapham
Robert Roeow
Ed Jones
Loaders:
Rober Sands
Robin Racies
Production:
Sandra Rush
Wanda Fidi
Marguerite Mullen
Bill Shirt
Rhonda Raulston
Robbie Kenner
Dwane Arthur
Runners:
Jan Tower
Jeff Avedon
Becky Casart
Don Ferco
Grip:
Art Ross
Gaffer:
Murray Avimeleh
Make-Up:
Susan Barry
House Electricians:
Maria Proscia
Eric Krupnick
Assistant Editor:
Laura Whipple
Color by:
DeLuxe (c)
Titles & Opticals by:
Pacific Title
Dubbing:
Steve Maslow
Goldwyn Studios
(c) (p) 1979 Frank Zappa
All rights reserved
Patrick: . . . know what I'm sayin' . . .
Adrian: I know what ya mean, man. I gotcha. I gotcha . . . aw yeah.
Patrick: . . . you . . . you know what I'm sayin', well, I am sick 'n tired of this . . .
Adrian: Well, I'll tell you what, brother. We gotta take a sentimental journey right now folks. Right off this here stage.
Patrick: . . . get to break our brother's balls. Get to break your brother's balls. I'll tell ya, it's hard work. It's hard work.
John Smothers: Damn show was lovely tonight. No shit. I bet you're damn pleased . . .
FZ: . . . they're always . . .
?: Bet you're damn pleased tired.
John Smothers: You're damn right they are.
FZ: Are you wearing thermal underwear?
John Smothers: Yes, I'm wearing a thermal underwear! You think I'd come out without a thermal underwear? Oh . . .
FZ: All the way down . . .
John Smothers: All the way down! New York can on change you . . .
Warren Cuccurullo: "King Kong"! Let's hear "King Kong"! Please! Please! A heavy show tonight, Frank.
?: Frank.
FZ: What? . . . I think. Who'd they miss? Oh, yeah. Can you get 'em in . . . Oh so, are they torn down, they took the lights down on us . . .
?: . . . their lights . . .
FZ: Yeah, it won't look right unless it's done in the same location.
?:Ok.
FZ:It's on you, and you're supposed to round them up.
?: Ok. Rolling up.
?: Real treat . . .
?: . . . the best . . . FZ: Gimme . . . watch your step . . .
Frank, shake my hand, Frank . . .
All right! . . .
FZ: Hi, good to see you again . . . ok . . . hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, hey, let me . . . my cigarette, ok . . . hey! Don't bang me in the back of the head . . . Bye bye! Ok, good night!
FZ: Good night! Okay . . .
?: Incredible, man. Did you ever think you you'd be on on 4th Avenue?
FZ: Yeah, I thought about it sometimes . . . that stuff is very bad for you. Good night.
"GIVE YOURSELF UP
YOU ARE COMPLETELY
SURROUNDED BY
POLICEMEN
IF YOU COME OUT
WITH YOUR HANDS UP
WE GUARANTEE
YOU WON'T BE HARMED"
FZ: Good evening. All right. Okay, now listen. We are making a movie. Not only that, not only are we making a movie. You see, I figured it was time I made another movie, it's been a long time since 200 Motels, and so, I felt that the people all over the world needed to see another weird kind of a movie. You're ready, I know you're ready. Okay. That's why we're making the movie, now here's how we're making the movie. All you people have to do is remember that the camera man is your friend, the camera man is here to take pictures of everybody. The camera men are named Bob, Phil and Dick. Brooklyn!
FZ: In the beginning God made 'the light.'
Bruce Bickford: . . . and ultimately, monsters were created!
Once in a great while, a film comes along that warms the heart.
O'Hearn: Don't be ashamed
Lifts the spirit.
FZ: Ren-den-den-den Doon-den-den-den . . .
And astound the senses. Intercontinental Absurdities presents:
Roy: Disco Boy . . .
FZ: What is that weird sound?
INTERCONTINENTAL ABSURDITIES
PRESENTS
BABY
SNAKES
DOLBY STEREO
IN SELECTED THEATRES
(C) & (P) FRANK ZAPPA 1979
Baby Snakes . . .
Baby Snakes. The new movie about a group of people caught up in the whirlwind of changing times, and their heroic struggle to overcome the mundane routine of their day to day existence.
BABY
SNAKES
Baby Snakes. A compelling story of romance, danger, and intrigue. It's about love. It's about hate. It's about the complexities of modern civilization.
SHOWN ACTUAL SIZE
It's about two and half hours long.
I'm a moron 'n this is my wife
Few movies have ever dare to present such an accurate view of reality. And none have ever shown the grace, the elegance and the all around splendor of Baby Snakes.
BABY
SNAKES
A movie about people who do stuff that is not normal.
Bruce Bickford: At the peak of the disco out-freakage . . .
BABY
SNAKES
Starring Frank Zappa.
FRANK ZAPPA
And introducing Ms. Pinky's larger sister.
INTRODUCING
MS. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER
Baby Snakes . . .
BABY
SNAKES
OPENS FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21st
AT GUILDS VICTORIA THEATRE
Baby Snakes will open on December 21st, so that it will qualify for the 1979 Academy Awards.
(Baby Snakes, TV)
Baby Snakes . . .
Graceful. Charming. Elegant. Sensitive. Understated. And well within the bounds of good taste. Baby Snakes.
BABY
SNAKES
A movie about people who do stuff that is not normal. Starring Frank Zappa.
FRANK ZAPPA
And introducing Ms. Pinky's larger sister.
INTRODUCING
MS. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER
Baby Snakes . . .
BABY
SNAKES
Baby Snakes. Rated 'R.'
O'Hearn: Don't be ashamed
Moire: LEATHER!
Moire: LEATHER!
Baby Snakes . . .
Intercontinental Absurdities presents Baby Snakes.
BABY
SNAKES
It's an amazing, admirable, action-packed adventure. A salute to the kind of courage that made America great. Baby Snakes. A movie about people who do stuff that is not normal. Starring Frank Zappa.
FRANK ZAPPA
And introducing Ms. Pinky's larger sister.
INTRODUCING
MS. PINKY'S LARGER SISTER
Baby Snakes . . .
BABY
SNAKES
Baby Snakes. Rated 'R.'
Frank Zappa
and these Mothers
played at The Roxy
on Sunset Blvd.
8, 9 & 10 December 1973.
Live from the Vault
in time for the closing
of the eons
Intercontinental
Absurdities
hereby presents in all
its original splendor
a non-government
supported program
of unreleased
stimulating digital
audio entertainment
composed, produced
and performed
(& mixed in 1987)
by FZ.
THE
ROXY
PERFORMANCES
RAW UNBRIDLEDNESS
DECEMBER 9, 1973
FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, we are making a movie of this.
I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go
FZ: And there's a camera there, and there's a camera there, and there's a camera there . . .
20 ORIGINAL
SONGS
3
COMPLETE
SHOWS
Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
4 HOURS
UNCUT
In the Village of the Sun
GEORGE DUKE
TOM FOWLER
NAPOLEON
MURPHY
BROCK
CHESTER
THOMPSON
RUTH
UNDERWOOD
RALPH
HUMPHREY
BRUCE FOWLER
ZAPPA
FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to have a rehearsal in here of an event that will probably take place during the next show.
highly trained
uniquely qualified
the few
the proud
the MOTHERS
Hey!
Let me tell you one thing right now
Let me tell you one thing right here
Let me make this perfectly clear
Let me tell you 'bout this right here
You know you put me in office
So you must have wanted me in office
I've did . . . no harm
I've did you no harm
You know I'm not a crook
You know I'm innocent
I had twenty-five tapes
I only have ten
I don't know what happened to the rest
Must've gave 'em to a friend
Bebe
Somebody
Ronald
Somebody
Who
Was it?
Who?
Oh, Lord, it's gonna get ya
Oh, Lord, it's gonna get ya
Oh, Lord, it's gonna get ya
They really get down . . .
Bullets can't stop it
Rockets can't stop it
We may have to use nuclear force!
Everybody is advised to go to the shelter at once!
Go to the shelter, come on everybody. Get up. Go as fast as you can. Run.
Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter
FZ: Okay. The gong always gets 'em.
All compositions by Frank Zappa except as noted