"Cheepnis"

Intercontinental Absurdities presents
a Grand Rights film by Frank Zappa
"Cheepnis"

Directed/Edited/Produced &
Music Composed/Arranged
by FRANK ZAPPA

Starring
Frank Zappa & The Mothers

Filmed/Recorded at
The Roxy & Bolic Sound, 1973

Audience Member: What's it called?

FZ: "Cheepnis."

Let me tell you something, do you like monster movies? Anybody? I love monster movies. I simply adore monster movies, and the cheaper they are, the better they are. And cheapness in the case of a monster movie has nothing to do with the budget of the film—although it helps. But true cheapness is exemplified by visible nylon strings attached to the jaw of a giant spider.

I'll tell you, a good one that I saw one time—I think the name of the film was It Conquered The World, and the— Did you ever see that one? The monster looks sort of like an inverted ice-cream cone with teeth around the bottom. It's like a (phew!), like a teepee or . . . sort of a rounded off pup tent affair. And, uh, it's got fangs on the base of it—I don't know why but it's a very threatening sight. And then he's got a frown and, you know, ugly mouth and everything, and there's this one scene where the, uh, monster is coming out of a cave, see? There's always a scene where they come out of a cave, at least once. And the rest of the cast— It must have been made around the 1950s—the lapels are about like that wide, the ties are about that wide and they're about this short. And they always have a little revolver that they're gonna shoot the monster with, and there is always a girl who falls down and twists her ankle.

Heh-hey! Of course there is! You know how they are—the weaker sex and everything, twisting their ankle on behalf of the little ice-cream cone. Well, in this particular scene—in this scene, folks, they, uh, they didn't wanna re-take it 'cause it must have been so good they wanted to keep it, but they— When the monster came out of the cave, just over on the left hand side of the screen you can see about this much two-by-four attached to the bottom of the thing as the guy is pushing it out, and then, obviously off-camera, somebody's goin', "No! Get it back!" And they drag it back just a little bit as the guy is goin', "Kch! Kch!"

Now that's cheapness. Awright?

And this is "Cheepnis" here.

One, two, one, two . . .

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
(Yum-yum yummy-yummy-yum
Yum-yum yummy-yummy-yum)
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood
(Dum-dum dummy-dummy-dum
Dum-dum dummy-dummy-dum)

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me, yeah
(Doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh)
Took a turn around, I said, Can y'all see, yeah
(Doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh)
The little strings on the Giant Spider?
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
(Doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh)
And the flaps on the side of the moon
(AAAH!)

The jelly & the paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples and the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah
(Cardboard, cardboard, cardboard, cardboard)
And the canvas of the cave is too soft

The suits and the hats and the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind, yeah
While the monster just ate Japan

Ladies and gentlemen
The monster
Which the peasants in this area call Frunobulax
(Apparently a very large poodle dog)
Has just been seen approaching The Power Plant

You guys [...] . . . I can't cue them for that, you have to show them the "AHH," watch George for the "A-A-A-AH," okay? Top again.

Barry, I want you to get— Take, take a look at their music parts here. Would you mind showing the camera . . . now . . .

And now, Debbie, would you mind showing 'em . . . you're a lovely contestant in the uh . . . Wait a minute, hold it the right side up so they can see that it says over here in this area with the . . . Wait a minute, this is . . . Oh, the first part it's:

"I ATE A HOT DOG
IT TASTED REALLY— REAL GOOD
THEN I WATCHED A MOVIE
FROM HOLLYWOOD
DOO-AHH
MONSTER— MONSTY A-AHH
DAH DAH DA-DAH OOH OOH OOH OOH
(SCREAM)
MY BABY, MY BABY, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
GO TO THE SHELTER, MY BABY."

And then several slashes which apparently indicates that it's supposed to be repeated several times, then it says:

"MY BABY, GO TO THE SHELTER."

Then over here it says:

"(LAUGH)
AH HA-HAH
OOH-HACK
DOO-AHH
HORRIBLE EYE . . . "

"HORRIBLE EYE" several times . . .

"GO ROLLING AROUND
OOH-HACK
DOO-AHH
AH HA-HAH."

Now, for those of you in the audience who have already seen the musical parts that we're going to be working on tonight, when you see these parts come in, when you hear them coming to the arrangement, feel free to sing right along with us, because this sort of entertainment is wholesome and is good for the entire family. Now let's go right to the beginning of the song and attempt to do it perfectly all the way through. Are you ready?

Dah-dooh dah-dee-deeh . . . Hey . . .

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
(Yum-yum yummy-yummy-yum
Yum-yum yummy-yummy-yum)
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood
(Dum-dum dummy-dummy-dum
Dum-dum dummy-dummy-dum)

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me, yeah
(Doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh)
I took a turn around, I said, Can y'all see, now
(Doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh)
The little strings on the Giant Spider?
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
(Doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh, doo-ahh)
And the flaps on the side of the moon

The jelly and paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples and the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah
(Cardboard, cardboard, cardboard, cardboard)
And the canvas of the cave is too soft
(AAARGH!)

The suits and the hats and the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away
(Hairdo, hairdo, hairdo, hairdo)
While the monster just ate Japan

Ladies and gentlemen
The monster
Which the peasants in this area call Frunobulax
(Apparently a very large poodle dog)
Has just been seen approaching The Power Plant
Bullets can't stop it
Rockets can't stop it
We may have to use nuclear force!

Got a great big poodle thing
Got a great big heavy thing
(What do you say?)
Got a great big poodle thing
(I said, what'd you now)
Got a great big poodle thing
('Cause . . . the poodle)

Got a great big slimey thing
(Everybody's talking about)
Got a great big heavy thing
(Big old hairy poodle)
Got a great big poodle thing
(Poodle bites it)
Got a great big poodle thing
(Poodle chews it)

Got a great big slimey thing
(. . . to get ya)
Got a great big heavy thing
(. . . all about)
Got a great big poodle thing
(Gonna squirt you with the thing)
Got a great big poodle thing
(Gonna squirt you right now)

Got a great big slimey thing
(Gonna squirt you right now)
Got a great big heavy thing
(Better try to get away)
Got a great big poodle thing
(Your last chance)
Got a great big poodle thing
(To get away)

Got a great big slimey thing
(I feel the last chance)
Got a great big heavy thing
(Better get away)
Got a great big poodle thing
(Follow me and go to the shelter!)
Got a great big poodle thing
(Follow me and go to the shelter!)

Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me
Can ya see the little strings danglin' down?
Makes the legs go wobble an' the mouth flop shut, yeah
(Ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah)
An' the horrible eye
(Horrible eye)
An' that horrible eye
(Horrible eye)
An' that horrible eye
(Horrible eye)
Go rollin' around

Can y'see it at all
Can y'see it from here
Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees
If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
(. . . the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
(Cheaper the better)
I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheep—
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis . . .

Mmh, okay . . .

A Grand Rights Film by Frank Zappa

Filmed & Recorded at The Roxy & Bolic Sound, 1973
Camera by Barry Feinstein

Directed, Produced, Edited & Music Composed by FZ

Starring Frank Zappa · Ruth Underwood
Bruce Fowler · Napoleon Murphy Brock · Ralph Humphrey
Chester Thompson · Tom Fowler · George Duke
with Debbie Wilson · Linda Sims