Does Humor Belong In Music?

 

From Madam Wong's to Starwood
To the Whiskey on the Strip
You can hear the crashing, blasting strum
Of bands that come to be real hip
And get a record contract
From a talent scout some day
They'll sell their ass, their cocks and balls
They'll take the check 'n walk away
If they're lucky they'll get famous
For a week or two perhaps
They'll buy some ugly clothes to wear
And hope the business don't collapse
Before some stupid magazine
Decides they're really good
They're a Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
From downtown Hollywood

Tinsel Town Rebellion,
Tinsel Town Rebellion Band
It's a little bitty Tinsel Town Rebellion
A Tinsel Town Rebellion Band

They used to play all kinds of stuff
And some of it was nice
Some of it was musical
But then they took some guy's advice
To get a record deal, he said,
They would have to be more punk
Forget their chops and play real dumb
Or else they would be sunk
So off they go to S.I.R. to learn some stupid riffs
(Oh no!)
No!
(No no no no no no)
No!
(It's the 80's again!)

And when they think they've got it
They launch a new career
Who gives a fuck if what they play
Is somewhat insincere
(Let's dance the blues again
Everybody!
Dance the blues again
Come on and dance the blues again
Get down from the . . .
I write the songs that make the young girls cry!)

Did you know that in Tinsel Town the people down there
Think that substance is a bore
And if your New Wave group looks good
They'll hurry on back for more
Of leather groups
(Eye to eye
Rock you like a nincompoop!)
And plastic groups
(Whip it good!)
And groups that look real queer
(I'll tumble 4 ya!)
He'll tumble for you
(I'll tumble 4 ya!)
He'll tumble for you very much
(Moo moo moo moo moo)
Home town sausage jamboree
(Moo moo moo moo moo
Moo moo moo moo moo
Moo moo moo MOO-AHHH!)
The Tinsel Town aficionados
Come to see and not to hear
But then again this system works
As perfect as a dream
It works for all of those record company pricks
(Let's see that record company prick again)
It works for all of those record company pricks
(No, no, do it when it hits the floor)
It works for all of those record company pricks
Who come to skim the cream
From the cesspools of excitement
Where Jim Morrison once stood
It's that Tinsel Town Rebellion
From down down down
(Down down down)
Town town town
(Town town town)
Holly lolly lolly
(Holly lolly lolly)
Woody Woody Pecker Pecker
(Woody Woody Pecker Pecker)
Woo-oo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ood

Woody Pecker Pecker!
Woody Woody Pecker Pecker!
Hi-Yo, Woody!
Hi-Yo, Pecker!
Hi-Yo, Silver!
One-Adam-Twelve, see de pecker!

(It's a boy in a muumuu)

Well I'm about to get sick
From watchin' MTV
I been checkin' out the HO HO HO!
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten group
(Right you are, girl)
And when it's gonna change, my friend
Will probably make you stoop, I don't know

So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear them sayin'
(Oh no!)
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Wednesday I watched the riot
I seen those cops out on the street
I watched 'em throwin' rocks and stuff
And chokin' in the heat
I listened to reports
(Oh, we gotta . . . )
'Bout the whisky passin' around
(Sho' nuff . . . don'tcha!)
I seen the smoke and fire
And the market burnin' down
Watched while everybody
On his street would HA HA HA!
To stomp and smash and bash and crash
And slash and bust and burn

And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
(Oh no!)
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
(Oh no!)

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed

Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings

Lord, you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut and wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy

Ho Ho Ho! Ho Ho Ho!
Ooh, you missed! Oh sorry!
How 'bout the next contestant?

Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale

Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the underpants fail
(Yeah, yeah)

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire (Huh!)
With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire (Owww!)

Little Penguin
A dirty little bird!
(What?)

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon

In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room
The you-hoo-hoo
(Oh, One-Adam-Twelve, see the hoop)

You know it must be a Penguin bound down
If you hear that terrible screamin'
And there ain't no other birds around

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh . . .
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahennnn
(Ho Ho Ho, Bill!)
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave her Ho Ho Ho
Too loose
(It's a town in France)

'Cause she just might box yer dog
'Cause she just might box yer doggie
An' leave you a dried-up kind of a dog biscuit
Woo!

Bow wow
Wow . . . wow
Bow wow
Bow wow
Bow wow

I used to have a job
An' I was doin' fairly well
Depression came along
An' everybody start to yell
"Where'd they go, them good ol' days,
An' all that crap we used to sell?"
Now I'm in Hot-Plate Heaven,
at the Green Hotel

Republicans is fine,
If you're a multi-millionaire
Democrats is fair,
If all you own is what you wear
Neither of 'em's REALLY right,
'Cause neither of 'em CARE
'Bout that Hot-Plate Heaven,
'Cause they ain't been there

They really oughta go
'N find out how the hall-way smell—
They'd benefit to know
'Bout what the bums in there could tell
(Of course we're only dreamin',
But I s'pose it's just as well
That's ALL you get to dream
Up in the Green Hotel)

Nature didn't put me here,
An' neither did my fate—
It musta been some evil ol'
Republican candidate!
He's over there in Washington,
But I wish he was in HELL
'Cause I'm in Hot-Plate Heaven
At the Green Hotel

Things is slightly better now;
They hope we will forget
Their misery of 'TRICKLE DOWN',
An' jelly-bean etiquette
The Regal Presidential Style
Has simply not worn well,
But neither has my rags,
Up in the Green Hotel

I said the Green Hotel
I mean the Green Hotel
Been there once
The Green Hotel
We're goin' again
The Green Hotel
Neither has my rags,
Up in the Green Hotel
Hey, pass me the dog-food!

Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
(How 'bout that chord that Ray played?)
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
(The newest chord in all of Baltimore!)
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
What's new in Baltimore?

Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
Hey! What's new in Baltimore?
What's new in Baltimore?
What's new in Baltimore?
What's new in Baltimore?

FZ: Hey, this is for all the Republicans in the audience!

Cock-sucker Sammy, get your mother fuckin' mammy
We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball
Fuck, suck an' fight
Till beginnin' of the broad daylight
We don't need no goddamn taxi fare
We're gonna trim them whores in a rockin'-chair
Take off all the rags
We're gonna play a little game called tag
Tomorrow night at the Rotten Cock-Suckers' Ball

Come on you po'-ass singers and you big-dick slingers
We're goin' downtown to the Cock-Suckers' Ball
Fuck, suck an' fight
Till beginnin' of the broad daylight
We don't need no goddamn taxi fare
We're gonna trim them whores in a rockin'-chair
Take off all the rags
We're gonna play a little game called tag
Tomorrow night at the Rotten Cock-Suckers' Ball
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Tomorrow night at the Rotten Cock-Suckers' Ball!

FZ: Thank you, you're too kind!

So . . . (Ha! Ha! Ha!)
I say WPLJ, won't you take a drink with me
(Jungle Boogie now!)
WPLJ, really taste good to me
Well, it's a good good wine
It really makes you feel so fine, so fine, so fine

I went to the store when they opened up the door
I said: "Please please please gimme some more"
White Port & Lemon Juice,
White Port & Lemon Juice,
White Port & Lemon Juice,
Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you!

You take the bottle, you take the can
Shake it up fine, you get a good good wine.
White Port & Lemon Juice,
White Port & Lemon Juice,
White Port & Lemon Juice,
Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you!

The W is the White,
The P is the Port,
The L is the Lemon,
The J is the Juice
White Port & Lemon Juice,
White Port & Lemon Juice,
White Port & Lemon Juice,
Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you!

I feel so good, I feel so fine
Got plenty lovin', got plenty wine
White Port & Lemon Juice,
White Port & Lemon Juice,
White Port & Lemon Juice,
Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you
White Port & Lemon Juice,
Ooh what it do to you, to you, to you
White Port & Lemon Juice,
Ooh what it do to you!

. . . Your throat!

Let's move to Cleveland
(Bondolay boffo bonto!)
Let's move to Cleveland
(I've been there)
Let's move to Cleveland

I been run down
Lord, 'n I been lied to
And I don't know why
I let that mean woman make me out a fool

Well, she took all my money
'N wrecked my new car
Now she's with one of my good-time buddies,
Drinkin' in some cross-town bar

Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, well, to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'

My friends tell me
Oh, that I been such a fool
I have to stand back an' take it, babe
All for loving you

I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you've done
But nothin' seems to change;
That bad times stay the same,
And I can't run

Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, well, to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Oh, good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'

Oh! Oh Lord Lord no!
Yeah Lord ooh!
Oh! I been tied down

Sometimes I feel
Well, sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied, oh-wo-wo, to the whippin' post
Yeah, tied to the whippin' post
Well, I'm tied to the whippin' post
Yeaaah! Lo-wo oooooooh-oo-we-oo-wee oooh!
Lo-oo-ow-ow-oo Lord Lord
You know sometimes I really do believe
Well I believe
I said I believe
I said I do believe
I said I really do believe
Well 'n I must say it one more time
I believe
That there just ain't no such thing
As dyin'