Zappa/Erie

Audience: Zappa! Zappa! "Dinah-Moe Humm"! Hey! Come on, Frank! Zappa!

FZ: Howdy, folks . . . All right, folks, here's the deal. I'm gonna get myself tuned up and I'll introduce the band to you and then we'll play you one hell of a show, ladies and gentlemen.

Audience: Zappa! [...]

FZ: Hey, it's rock & roll time, ladies and gentlemen. Over there in the end, with a golden instrument that goes in and out, Bruce Fowler . . . And on trumpet, Walt Fowler . . . And on bass, Tom Fowler . . . On tenor saxophone and lead vocals, Napoleon Murphy Brock . . . On synthesizer, Don Preston . . . On drums, Ralph Humphrey . . . On drums, Chester Thompson . . . On guitar and harmonica, Jeff Simmons . . . And on keyboards, George Duke . . .

Audience: Hey, Frank! Ruth Underwood! . . .

FZ: Someone has just asked me where is Ruth Underwood. Well, I'll tell you, Ruth Underwood is back in Los Angeles. Ruth is, uh, well, how shall I say this? Ruth fell in love with somebody on the road and uh, had to go home and do something about it.

Audience: Hey, Frank! Frank! Where's Howie?

FZ: Steven McIntyre, I have a surprise for you. Your wife is having a B-A-B-Y and would love to have you come down there and take a look at it. I repeat. Steven McIntyre is a dad. Let's have a big round of applause for Steven. Congratulations, Steven!

Audience: Hey, Frank! Frank! Where's Howie? Where's Howie? Frank! . . . Frank, where's Aynsley?

FZ: Someone has just asked whatever happened to Aynsley Dunbar. Aynsley Dunbar is probably at this very moment in a drugstore, a Thrifty Drug Store, buying some silver fingernail polish.

Audience: Frank! Where's Howie? Frank! Where's Howie!

FZ: Howie— Someone has just asked me whatever happened to Howie. Howie is next to Mark somewhere. The name of this song, in response to a rapidly diminishing number of requests, is "Cosmik Debris." One, two, three, four . . .

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said, "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said, "You might not believe this, little college educated person
But it'll cure your Acne too!"
An' I said . . .

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother
(Peek-a-boo!)
Don't you waste your time on Napoleon!

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"But I've got a Kristl Bol," he said
An' held it to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right
Now watch this . . .

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed the ring
An' the pocket watch
An' said meet me at the Holiday Inn
I had that sucker hypnotized
She couldn't even say well, oh, yeah
I proceeded to tell her the future then
With the horn section hanging around
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' Jeff's lyrics has juff gone down"

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know
You could make more money as a hooker
So don't you waste your time on me

FZ: Thank you! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay . . . Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you at this time the dynamic Mr. Napoleon Murphy Brock, who is going to croon to you three in a row devastating little ditties—some of which you've never heard before, but don't let that bother you. The first one is called "In The Pygmy Twylyte," the second one is called "The Idiot Bastard Son," and the third one is a song about monster movies called "A Little More Cheepnis Please."

Audience: Frank, where's [...].

FZ: We must be very close to New Jersey here. "T-shirts!" "Youse guys stink!" One, two, three, four . . .

FZ: That's it! Get the groove going out there!

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite

Napoleon:

Just a minute ago
Somebody offered me some marijuana
I said now
Just a minute ago
A fella tried to hand me a joint
But I said no, no, no
I said no, no, no, no
No
No
No
No!
'Cause there's a time and place
For everything
I said there's a time and place
Brother, for everything
You could get yourself in trouble by always
Doing what somebody
Tells you to do
Better use your own mind
Don't always try to fall in line
Behind somebody else
They might not help you
I said, behind somebody else
You might be hurting yourself
Behind somebody else, oh, oh, yeah
When you gonna grow up
Be your own person
Do your own thing
Do what you want
When you wanna do it
How you wanna do it
Where you wanna do it
Oh
Know what you want
Better look around
Better look around
Better look around and
You better look around
Better look around
Better look around
You better look around
Better look around
Better look around
Have you ever been to jail
For not being . . .
[...] day
All you're doing
Trying to have a little fun
Don't want cause no trouble
With nobody else
If you don't wanna
Why not try and
Be yourself
Be yourself
Be [...]

One day, one night
Wake up and you feel all right
One morning, one afternoon
Everything is gonna be real soon, now
All you gotta do is be yourself
Take more time now
You'll get the respect that you're
Always wanting from, ow!

You'll get what you've been waiting for
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Not right now, just a little bit later
Gonna pick you up
If it's right for you
Not for you, it don't matter
It's only got to be
What I need, because
I've got to live with myself
And I don't wanna be a . . .

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte, yeah
Downer midnite

The idiot bastard son
The father's a Nazi in Congress today
The mothers's a hooker somewhere in L.A.

The idiot bastard son
Abandoned to perish in back of a car
Kenny will stash him away in a jar
The idiot boy!

Try and imagine
A window all covered in green
All the time he would spend
At the church he'd attend
Warming his pew

Kenny will feed him and Ronnie will watch
The child will thrive and grow
And enter the world
Of liars and cheaters and people like you
Who smile and think they know
What this is about

You think you know everything
Maybe so
The song we sing
Do you know?
We're listening

Try and imagine
A window all covered in green
All the time he would spend
All the colors he'd blend
Where are they now?

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me, yeah
Took a turn around, I said, Can y'all see now?
The little strings on the Giant Spider?
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
And the flaps on the side of the moon

The jelly and paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples and the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah
And the canvas of the cave is too soft

The suits and the hats and the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind, yeah
While the monster just ate Japan

Ladies and gentlemen
The monster
Which the peasants in this area call Frenchie
(Apparently a very large poodle dog)
Has just been seen approaching the Fieldhouse
Bullets can't stop it
Very large dog biscuits can't stop it
We may have to use a school pizza!

Got a great big poodle thing
Got a great big hairy thing
Got a great big poodle thing
Got a great big hairy thing

Got a great big poodle thing
Got a great big hairy thing
Got a great big poodle thing
Got a great big hairy thing

Anytime
Anytime
And anywhere
You might find some big old funky monster
Trying to take away your hair
I think he's a sex maniac
Always got some hair on his mind
But something came
Over his mind
You better look out
When he talks to you
There he is

Big old funky monster
Gonna put something on ya
Gonna put something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna . . .
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something on ya
Big old hairy monster
Gonna shoot something . . . Hey!

Follow me
And go to the shelter
Follow me
And go to the shelter

Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter

Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me
Can ya see the little strings danglin' down?
Makes the legs go wobble an' the mouth flop shut, yeah
An' the horrible eye
The horrible eye
The horrible eye
Go rollin' around

Can y'see it at all
Can y'see it from here
Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees
If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis please
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis . . .
(Take a booger home with you)

FZ: Thank you! . . . Thank you very much. Now just sit down and relax. Give a guy a college degree and he has to stand up.

Audience: "Dinah-Moe Humm"!

FZ: All right. We're now— Okay, folks.

FZ: The name of this song, whether you believe it or not, is "Inca Roads." A song about things that come from out of the sky to land in South America. You ready? One, two, three, four . . .

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

FZ: There it goes again.
Napoleon: What is that?
Jeff: Duke's luggage.

Napoleon: Back in the room, look out!
Jeff: Smothers . . .
FZ: Oops!

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park itself
(Park it . . . Park it)
Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have a motor
Or was it something different

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

FZ: Thank you.

FZ: Now we have a song about dental floss. The name of this song is "Montana." One, two, three, four . . .

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else
Ah, but then, on the other hand I would

Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck the Floss
'N swish it aroun'

An' I would have me a crop
An' it'd be on top
That's why I'm movin' to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(Hey Lawdy Mama!)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(Yes it is!)

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon

Oh, I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
His name is Mighty Little
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Well, any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the border line

With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
(A little tweezer glint)

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
I'm movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Yes, I'm movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
I'm movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O, Yippy-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Oh, Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
Yes, I am, I'm movin' to Montana soon
Look out now!

FZ: Welcome to Montana! And as your gracious host of the Montana Chamber of Commerce, George Duke will introduce you to the finer points of the Montana landscape . . .

George: But then on the other hand in Montana we've got some . . .

FZ: Sure 'nuff, y'all!
George: I can't stay away from it. You know what I mean?
Napoleon: You sure you're not talking about Oakland?
George: You know it feels so . . .

Napoleon:
Montana

George:
Ow! Can you feel it?
You know what I mean? They got this goin' on about [...]
Sounds like more like Oakland to me, you know?

Napoleon:
That's what I was saying
That's what I was saying

George:

I can see it now

You know what I'm talking about, Napi, don't you?
You know you can't get no sweet potato pie [...]
You know, Simmons
Come on, Simmons

Going out!
Going out!

FZ: Ah, but you haven't heard anything yet, folks, this is just the beginning! You want cocktail lounge music? We'll give it to you. Walt, take it away . . . Vo-do-dee-oh pee-pee, roo-dee-doot and dah-dah-dah . . . Maybe a little later we can get a bunny hop line going . . .
George: Wait a minute, that's too funky!
FZ: Dr. Bebop presents the Jeff Simmons Guitar Course!
George: Wait a minute now!

FZ: So laid-back as to be almost invisible!
George: Get down, Simmons!

Jeff: Say! Hey, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you to the brand new Bruce Fowler Show featuring Napoleon Murphy Brock and Coy-Coy What-A-Joy, featuring— And all the equipment men are gonna come out, load it and pile it in the plane. Personally carries my guitar, originally sold nationally at $9.95, now available to you. Remember, the white zone is for guitar players only!
George: And your mama.

FZ: And now direct to the Bankers Club in San Bernardino, California, where we feature Don Preston with his amazing Farfisa Organ . . .
Jeff: Everybody drink!
FZ: Everybody pee! . . . Yes, yes, yes, a little something for everyone . . . And I'm sure you recognize the Farfisa Organ as the closest thing that we could get to an accordion, but there's only one thing that rivals the accordion for abject sentimental sensitivity and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the trombone itself. The trombone is eminently suited to this type of music, and here we have brought to you at no small expense, ladies and gentlemen, direct from Venus, Bruce Fowler, who'll play for you something that you'll forget immediately.

George: One more tune, honey!

FZ: Trombones are so highly lubricated! But, as if that weren't enough, we have brought to you tonight a Farfisa, a trombone, a bebop guitar, a trumpet—we've brought to you George Duke's keyboard nimbleness. But we can't let you go without being worked over by Napoleon Murphy Brock. Napoleon, give them the tenor sax man's dream right now . . .

Walt?: Cool, man.

FZ: Thank you. Thank you very much . . . The Mothers Of Invention, ladies and gentlemen, The Mothers Of Invention! All right, now we realize that there's a bunch of you people out there who want to hear old songs. And have we got some old songs for you! We have nothing but old songs for the rest of the show. So you don't have to worry about a thing. We'll stand up here and puke it out like a giant's— giant fleshy jukebox for you. We're going to do some stuff from the Freak Out! album, and uh, also from We're Only In It For The Money and Weasels Ripped My Flesh.

It can't happen here
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because I been checkin' it out, baby

Oh darling, it's important that you believe me
(Bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here

Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in Kansas . . .
(Kansas, Kansas . . .
Kansas, Kansas . . . )
Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota . . .
(Mama Minnesota . . . )
Who could imagine . . .

Who could imagine
That they would freak out in Washington, D.C.
(AC/DC bop-bop-bop)
(AC/DC bop-bop-bop)
(AC/DC bop-bop-bop)
(AC/DC bop-bop-bop . . . )

Excuse me, Dick, but . . .

I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
We had some water for the swimming pool

And we thought it couldn't happen here
(Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh)
(Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh . . . )
We thought it couldn't happen but . . .

FZ: Suzy . . .
Suzy: Yes?
FZ: Suzy Creamcheese.
Suzy: What is it?
FZ: This is the voice of your conscience, honey. And I just wanna check one thing out with you.
Suzy: What is it?
FZ: Suzy Creamcheese, my dearest, my darling, what's got into you?

Mister America
Walk on by
Your schools that do not teach
Mister America
Walk on by
The minds that won't be reached
Mister America
Try to hide
The emptiness that's you inside
When once you find that the way you've lied
And all those corny tricks you tried
Will not forestall the rising tide of
Hungry freaks, Daddy

They won't go
For no more
Great Midwestern hardware store
Philosophy that turns away
From those who aren't afraid to say
What's on their minds
The left-behinds of the Great Society

Hungry freaks, Daddy

Mister America
Walk on by
Your supermarket dream
Mister America
Walk on by
Your liquor store supreme
Mister America
Try to hide
The product of your savage pride
The useful minds that it denied
The day you turned and stepped aside
You saw their clothes and then you cried
Those hungry freaks, Daddy!

They won't go
For no more
Great Midwestern hardware store
Philosophy that turns away
From those who aren't afraid to say
What's on their minds
The left-behinds of the Great Society

You're probably wondering
Why I'm here
And so am I
So am I

Just as much as you wonder
'Bout me bein' in this place
(Yeah!)
That's just how much I marvel
At the lameness on your face

You rise each day the same old way
And join your friends out on the street
Spray your hair and think you're neat
I think your life is incomplete
But maybe that's not for me to say
They only pay me here to play

(I don't wanna hear "Caravan" with a drum solo!)

You're probably wondering
Why I'm here
And so am I
So am I

Just as much as you wonder
Of me starin' back at you
(Yeah!)
That's just how much I question
The corny things you do

You paint your face and then you chase
To meet the gang where the action is
Stomp all night and drink your fizz
Roll your car and say "Gee whiz!"
You tore a big hole in your convertible top
What will you tell your Mom and Pop?

(Hey Mom, I tore a hole in the convertible, what am I gonna do?)

You're probably wondering
Why I'm here
And so am I
So am I

Just as much as you wonder
If I mean just what I say
That's just how much I question
The social games you play

You told your Mom you're stoked on Tom
And went for a cruise in Freddie's car
Tommy's asking where you are
Boogied all night in a cheesy bar
Plastic boots and plastic hat
Now you think you know where it's at?

You're probably wondering
Why I'm here

(Not that it makes a heck of a lot of a difference to you.)

When I won your love
I was very glad
Every happiness in the world
Belonged to me
Then our love was lost
You went away
Now I shed my tears
In lonely misery

I know now
You never ever really loved me
It hurts me now to think
You never ever really cared
I sit and ask myself a thousand times
To try and find
What really happened
To the love
That we shared

How could I be such a fool
How could I believe
All those lies you told me
How could I be taken in
By your sweet face
You spoiled our love
You ruined my life
I'm so tore down
I'm a terrible disgrace

There will come a time
You'll regret the way
You treated me as if
As if I was a fool and didn't know
The many times you lied
About your love for me
Someone is gonna know
Your love is just a show

Yes, how could I be
Such a fool
How could I believe
All those lies
You told me
How could I be taken in
By your sweet face
No no, no no, no no
How could I
How could I
How could I
How could I
How could I
How could I be
Such a fool
Such a fool
Such a fool
Such a fool

Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to give away
I sit and laugh at fools in love
There ain't no such thing as love
No angels singing up above today

Girl, I don't believe
Girl, I don't believe in what you say
You say your heart is only mine
I say to you, you must be blind
What makes you think that you're so fine
That I would throw away
The groovy life I lead
'Cause, baby, what you got, yeah
It sure ain't what I need

Girl, you'd better go
Girl, you'd better go away
I think that life with you would be
Just not quite the thing for me
Why is it so hard to see my way

Why should I be stuck on you
(Well . . . )
It's just not what I want to do
Why should an embrace or two
Make me such a part of you
I ain't got no heart to give a . . .

Ain't got no heart
Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to . . .

Got no place to go
I'm tired of walking
Up and down the street all by myself
No love left for me to give
I tried and tried
But no one wants me the way I am
Why should I pretend I like
To roam from door to door
Maybe I'll just kill myself
I just don't care no more

Because
I'm not satisfied
Everything I've tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me

Who, I said who would care if I was gone
I never met no one
Who'd care if I was dead and gone
Who, I said who needs me to care for them
Nobody needs me
Why should I just hang around?
Why should I just sit and watch
While the others smile
I just wish that someone cared
If I was happy for a while

Because
I'm not satisfied
Everything I've tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me

Oh, yeah!

Wowie Zowie, your love's a treat
Wowie Zowie, you can't be beat
Wowie Zowie, baby, you're so neat
I don't even care if you shave your legs

Wowie Zowie, baby, you're so fine
Wowie Zowie, baby, please be mine
Wowie Zowie, up and down my spine
I don't even care if you brush your teeth

Dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I dreamed of you in the afternoon

Yo' mama
Yo' mama
Yo' mama

I dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I had a flash in the afternoon

Wowie Zowie, baby, love me do
Wowie Zowie, and I'll love you too
Wowie Zowie, baby, I'll be true
I don't even care if your dad's the heat
I don't even care if your dad's the hurt
I don't even care if your dad's the shirt
I don't even care . . .

Wowie, Wowie Zowie
Wowie, Wowie Zowie
Wowie, Wowie Zowie
Wowie, Wowie Zowie
Wowie, Wowie Zowie
Wowie, Wowie Zowie
Wowie, Wowie Zowie
Wowie, Wowie Zowie

Now believe me when I tell you that my song is really true
I want everyone to listen and believe
It's about some little people from a long time ago
And all the things the neighbors didn't know
Early in the morning Daddy Dinky went to work
Selling lamps and chairs to San Ber'dino squares
And I still remember Mama with her apron and her pad
Feeding all the boys at Ed's Cafe

Whizzing and pasting and pooting through the day
Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away
And all the while on a shelf in the shed
Kenny's little creatures on display

Ronnie saves his numies on a window in his room
A marvel to be seen: dysentery green
While Kenny and his buddies play a game out in the back
Let's make the water turn black

We see them after school in a world of their own
To some it might seem creepy what they do
The neighbors on the right sat and watched them every night
I'll bet you'd do the same if they was you

Whizzing and pasting and pooting through the day
Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away
And all the while on a shelf in the shed
Kenny's little creatures on display

Ronnie's in the Army now and Kenny's taking pills
Oh, how they yearn to see a bomber burn
Color flashing, thunder crashing, dynamite machine
Wait till the fire turns green
Wait till the fire turns green
Wait till the fire turns . . .

I'm gonna tell you the way it is
And I'm not gonna be kind or easy
Your whole attitude stinks, I say
And the life you lead is completely empty

You paint your head
Your mind is dead
You don't even know what I just said
That's you: American Glitter Boy!

You're phony on top
You're phony underneath
You lay in bed and grit your teeth

David . . .
Alice . . .
Iggy . . .
Smothers . . .

Don't come in me, on me
Don't come on me, in me
Don't come in me, on me
Don't come on me . . .

 

Oh no, I don't believe it
You say that you think you know the meaning of love
You say love is all we need
You say with your love you can change
All of the fools, all of the hate
I think you're probably out to lunch

Oh no, I don't believe it
You say that you think you know the meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say that you really know
I think you should check it again
How can you say what you believe
Will be the key to a world of love?

All your love will it save me?
All your love will it save the world
From what we can't understand?
Oh no, I don't believe it

And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet
Saving the world
The words from your lips
I just can't believe you are such
A fool

I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool

FZ: Like to thank you very much for coming to the concert tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Bruce Fowler on trombone. Walt Fowler on trumpet. Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals. Don Preston on synthesizer. Ralph Humphrey on drums. Chester Thompson on drums. Tom Fowler on bass. Jeff Simmons on guitar. George Duke on keyboards. Thanks a lot, hope you liked it.

Watchin' and I'm waitin'
I'm hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

FZ: Wait a minute, I think we have time for one more short thing.

She had that Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was a Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(I couldn't come in right then . . . )

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in
(Actually, I was very busy right then)

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked on the floor
We did it till we were un-concho
And even then we continued to do it
We did it some more, go on, go on . . .

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else
(How about you? Or you!)
But then, I'd

Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck the Floss
'N swish it aroun'

And I would have me a crop
Poo-poo ta-na-dah
And poo-poo
And poo-poo ta-na-dah

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna poo-poo ta-na-dah ta-dah/be a Dental Floss tycoon
(Yes, yes!)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(Guess so)

Poo-poo ta-da-dah!

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon

Oh, I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
His name is Mighty Little
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Well, any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the poo-poo ta-dee-dah

With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted hookers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
Poo-poo ta-dee-dah

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Fill in the blank

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
(That's right!)
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
([...] tweezer glint)

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push
Just me 'n the poo-poo ta-dee-dah
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush
(That's right)

'N then I might just . . .
You heard them!
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O, Yippy-Ty-O)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon

FZ: Here comes "The Hook"!

Eat that booger
Yeah yeah
Hit that booger
Yeah yeah

FZ: Take it away, George.

George:
Come on back out. What you doing here?

Napoleon:
That's that cream of wheat coming out of you.

George:
You know where I'm going, Napi, don't you?

Napoleon:
Ah, no. That cream of wheat this morning, I know where you going.

George:
Oh, but you know I'm gonna eat some sweet potato pie, you know that?

Napoleon:
What?

George:
Come on, get down!

George:
Come on, Napi, you know where I'm going?

Napoleon:
Oakland, ah, yeah.
Say, say, say.

George:
You ever been to Oakland, California?
You know this place in Oakland? You know I can't stand.

Napoleon:
Turn right, George. You're going by the Doggie Diner. Turn right.

FZ:
Can I get a holler?
Can I get a holler?

George:
You know sometimes I just can't talk.
I just, I just wanna . . .
I just wanna thank you all for let me be myself and let go on and play . . .

FZ: Yes, yes. It's a cheap version of "Jungle Boogie," you guessed it.

George:
Ooh! Get the party on.
I wanna talk about your room.

Napoleon:
What?

George:
I wanna talk about your room.

Napoleon:
Wait a minute now.

George:
Last night.

Napoleon:
That was not . . .

George:
Chicago.

Napoleon:
That was, that was not . . .

George:
The Playboy.
The Playboy, I'm talkin' 'bout your room.

Napoleon:
I've never heard of no Jewish boogers.

George:
Ha ha ha . . .
Wait a minute now, what you got to say about that, Simmons?
What you got to say about that, Simmons?

Jeff:
I've got to say this, Duke . . .

George:
Say!

Napoleon:
Wait a minute, I saw you with that girl from the Playboy Club, don't come jiving now, Simmons!

George:
Put the light on that spook.

Napoleon:
Tell the truth, Simmons. Tell the truth.

Jeff:
I went down and said, "Look . . . "

Napoleon:
Wait a minute, Unity. Put the light on that . . . please.

George:
What did you say? Get down, Simmons.

Jeff:
"I know I'm not your type, but you, you bunnies are jive!"

Napoleon:
No . . .

Jeff:
I said, "You all definitely got a problem."
I said, "Funky Room Service really did me wrong this time, sure enough, Frank, out of sight."

Napoleon:
Cold toast with no butter! Who ever heard—

FZ:
Can I get a holler?

Napoleon:
Wait a minute.

George:
Can I get a holler?

Napoleon:
I think she's keeping it behind you, Simmons.

George:
But Simmons gonna get a holler?
Whoa, get down, Simmons!

FZ:
And in Simmons' case . . .

Napoleon:
Wait a minute.
I wanna . . .

FZ:
Can I get a collar?

George:
Ooh, get down, Simmons!
Look at that broad play!
Look at that broad play!

Napoleon:
Wow! Get down, honey, get down, honey, get down, honey!

George:
Broad is funky.
That broad is funky.

Napoleon:
Get down.
Whoa!

George:
Well anyway . . .

Napoleon:
Simmons . . .
Wait a minute, don't tell me . . .

Jeff:
Hey . . .

Napoleon:
Don't tell me that's your hurt tonight!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, what are you playing with there?

Jeff:
Hey, hey, hold it.
Bring the band on down behind him . . . boys.
This is the part where I lead the group.
Now listen, friends, this originally sold nationally at $19.95.
Remember the white zone is for guitar players only!
And let me tell you this about that . . .
These Playboy bunnies are really great.
You can have one in your room.
This one's name is Sheila.
I know we play a funky little sound up here, but I know y'all wanna get down with some real funk, so check it out!

George:
Get down, Simmons!

Jeff:
Hey. Hey. Don't get any ideas. This belongs to Don.

Napoleon:
Now I walk.
Now every time we go on a tour, we try to get some . . .
Some . . .
Leg, you know?
But this one. We're gonna get this one to walk.

Jeff:
Now that's action!

Napoleon:
What? Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!

FZ:
Uh-oh, uh-oh!

Napoleon:
Wait a minute!

FZ:
Wait a minute . . .

Napoleon:
She gonna turn on us.
Don't turn on us, wait a minute.
Hey, Frank . . .

George:
What's that coming out of her?

Napoleon:
I think I . . .

FZ:
Yeah, really.

Napoleon:
I think I . . .

FZ:
Yeah.

Napoleon:
Do the ma— Hah . . .
Wait . . .

FZ:
She must be from San Francisco.

George:
Wait a minute now.
San Francisco is all right with me! Yeah hah hah!

FZ:
No, she can't be from San Francisco.
She's too clean.

George:
Heh heh heh . . .

FZ:
She must be from Max's Kansas City.

George:
Wow! Get down, Simmons!
Go and get that dance.
High!

FZ:
You know, you know, uh, you guys are all gonna have to go to confession for this.

Napoleon:
Wait . . . Wait!

Jeff:
Hi. I'm Ara Parseghian Jr.
You know you can fit a lot of steroids into these new Ford vans . . .
The football team, you know, it's really, really together.

FZ:
Sick!

Jeff:
And Caleb, let me tell you . . .
It's really nice up here.

FZ: Ah, but that's not all, ladies and gentlemen!

George:
Where we going?
All right.

FZ: Cuatro.

Napoleon:
Just a token . . .
Brian's token, well . . .

George:
My extreme.

Napoleon:
He looked, he said just . . .

Heh Heh Heh

George:
What? That monitor was a token.

Napoleon:
Just a token, yeah . . .
You wonder, you wonder why.
You wonder why.
You wonder why.

Tush Tush Tush

FZ: Hello! . . . Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the uh, Mothers Of Invention show, featuring Ruth Underwood on—Hey, dental floss, right over there, yes indeed!—Ruth Underwood on percussion, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Chester Thompson on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, George Duke on keyboards, and each and everyone of you out there in the audience. Now look, why don't you sit down, make yourselves comfortable. Just relax . . . Really, just make yourselves comfortable and make those people behind you comfortable too.

Heh Heh Heh

FZ: Yes . . .

Tush Tush Tush

FZ: Our thought for tonight. Cough, cough.
George: Come back, Frank, come back.
FZ: Cough, cough.
George: Cough, cough, cough.
FZ: Listen. Ladies and gentlemen, have I got something for you tonight. I have a—If you thought bromidrosis was a disease, I've got a disease for you tonight and I intend to share this disease with each and everyone of you, because every time I exhale I'm sure that I am pumping billions of life-destroying microbes into this audience here tonight, because have I got the flu! Listen! . . . And on top of that it hurts because these are napkins! And they're tearing my nose to pieces.
George: Hah hah hah . . .
FZ: Get down, Ruth! . . . Maybe I'll just blow my nose on this T-shirt.

Heh Heh Heh

Heh Heh Heh

FZ: Well I'll tell you something. I may be sick—in fact, I may be sicker than I'm usually sick—but there's one thing that I definitely am right now, and that is out of tune . . . But not too far out of tune . . . Yes, that E string, it's just about as close as Edinboro.

George: Get this thing out of the way from me.

FZ: The name of this song is "Stink-Foot" and it goes like this . . .

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
(Water)
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
(Mornin')
By yer radio
(Radio)
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
Ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you've been livin' gotta go?
Well, let me straighten you all out
About a place I know
(Now get yer shoes 'n socks on people
It's right aroun' the corner!)

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

FZ: Good God! This audience is full of lovely girls, but they're all this old! Uh-oh! Uh-oh . . . Uh-oh oh oh . . .
George: Jail!
FZ: Hey . . . Uh-oh . . .

Now scientists call this disease Bromidrosis
And well they should
But us regular people
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
Stink Foot

How true that is
You know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got that booger off
An' my girlfriend cry
"You got stink foot!
Stink foot, darlin'
Your stink foot puts the hurts on my nose!
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, do you suppose?"

Well, ah, here Fido . . . Here Fido . . .
Bring the slippers, little puppy
Yes, that's a good dog
"Arf, arf, arf!"
Sick . . .

FZ: Now we have a song that features the lovely Ruth Underwood on that brown but somehow vital instrument, the marimba. The name of this song is "RDNZL," and it goes absolutely nothing like this . . .

We could share some dog
(Napoleon: Talkin' about Marty!)
Marty can share some too
(FZ: Every Holiday Inn's got a kennel in the back of the . . . )

We could share some dog
(Napoleon: Yeah!)
Marty can share some too
(FZ: Every Holiday Inn's got a kennel in the back of the . . . )

We could share some . . .
(Napoleon: Maybe a German shepherd!)
Marty can share some too
(George: Get down, Napi!)

We could share some . . .
(Napoleon: He's partial of Great Danes!)
Marty can share some too
(Napoleon: Every Holiday Inn has got a kennel in the back of the . . . )
(George: Every Pennsylvania got a booger in the . . . )

FZ: Heh heh. Every Holiday Inn has got a kennel in the back of our end. We know where we're gonna put in the kennel tonight!

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It'll take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how the people stand it
Ruth, I guess they do
'Cause they're all still there
Even young tushes too
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
The Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you

Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too, now
Where Palmdale Boulevard
Cuts on through
Past the Village Inn, well, & Barbecue now, yeah
I heard it ain't there
Well I hope it ain't true
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?

Boogie boogie boogie boogie!

I'm goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how y'all people stand it
But I guess you do
'Cause you're all still there
In your thermal underwear
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you
Marty poo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Marty poo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
(Yeah, yeah)
Marty poo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Marty poo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Marty poo . . .

 

Ladies and gentlemen
Watch Ruth
All through our show
Ruth has been thinking
"Oh, I hope that
Frank doesn't make me play
'Inca Roads' tonight
Because I've been chumping it so bad"

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Way over on the wet side
Of the bed

FZ: Why don't you guys sit down, come on! Sit down, sit down!

Just like the mighty Penguin
Flappin' her eight ounce wings

Lord, you know it's all over
If she come atcha on the strut and wrap 'em all around yer head
Flappin' her eight ounce wings, flappinumm

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, Chester
(And I'm telling you, she really is!)

FZ: What? What? Where's the duck call? We can't go on until we find that duck call . . . Authenticity in every detail. This is not a duck call—this is a goose call. Give it to him, Chester. Does that have some of Brian stuff stuck in it? Oh, never mind.

Shake up the pale-dry
Ginger ale
(And don't ever lose that duck call again!)

Tremblin' like a Penguin
When the battery fail
(Sha la la la)

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through a hoopa real fire
With some Kleenex wrapped around a coat-hang wire

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Howlin' over to some
Antarcticulated moon

In the frostbite nite
With her flaps gone white
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room
(There it goes again)

You know it must be a Penguin bound down
If you hear that terrible screamin'
And there ain't no other birds around

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh . . .
Aw, you must be careful
Not to leave her straps
Too loose

'Cause she just might box yer dog
'Cause she just might box yer doggie
An' leave you a dried-up dog biscuit . . .

Audience: "Dinah-Moe Humm"!

Hey!

 

Napoleon: Tiny Tush Tush.

FZ: Thank you . . . Look, we're gonna be here for a long time. Why don't you sit down so the people behind you aren't uncomfortable? We would like to have everybody enjoy the show, not just the ones hanging on the front of the stage . . . The name of this song is "Dinah-Moe Humm" . . . No, you're clapping too fast. It's more like . . .

Couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

Strolled on over, said look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum
Y'jes can't do it

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum

I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
So I got down to it

Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation on her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
Yes indeed

Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it

'Cause I can't, I can't get into it
'Less I get out of it
Oh no!
An' I never, I never get out of it
'Less I'm into it
Oh yeah!
An' I never never never never never
Never get out of it
'Cause I'm into it
(I don't know)
An' I can't, can't get out of it
'Cause I'm into it

She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said these words . . .

Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up
Then my body don't care

I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said my-my-my
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?

I checked out her sister
Who was holdin' the bet
An' wondered what kind of trip
The young lady was on

The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet

I told her . . .
Just because the sun
Wants a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try

So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An' asked if she had any cooties in there

(What do you mean cooties! No cooties on me!)

She was buns-up kneelin'
(Buns up!)
Well I was wheelin' an' dealin'
(Wheelin' an' dealin' an' ooooh!)
She surrender to the feelin'
(She sweetly surrendered)
An' she started in to squealin'

Dinah-Moe watched
From the edge of the bed
With her lips just a-twitchin'
An' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in

She quivered 'n quaked
An' clutched at herself
While her sister made a joke
About her mental health
Till Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline
I said . . .

Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . .
Ooh! It's real angora
Would y'all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Y'wanna?

FZ:

All right, now, at this part of the song we normally ask for audience participation. Now uh, some— What we usually ask for might be a little bit too delicate or sensitive for a place like Erie, Pennsyvania, but we'll, we'll try it, we'll see whether or not it'll work. Can we get the spotlight on the audience? Just bring the spotlight to the audience. Can we get some light on the audience? Yes, there you are. You are the audience. Okay, here's the deal. All you guys have to do— We're gonna, we're gonna suddenly start playing very loud and there in the privacy of your own seat, right there in the audience, you should all simultaneously come all over this gymnasium. You think you can handle that? All right. All together now . . .

But you're just sort of sitting there—you're not squirting off or anything! . . . Ha ha . . . I'll tell you what. Maybe we should uh—no, we can't do that here . . . No, this is not the— If only I weren't so ill . . . Here we go . . .

I couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

She strolled on over, said look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum
Y'jes can't do it

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum

I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
So I got down to it

I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation on her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
An' you know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe again
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe again
Dinah-Moe
Little Dora too
Little Dinah and Dora

FZ: And now for those of you in the audience who are nostalgia oriented . . .

Got no place to go
I'm tired of walking
Up and down this street all by myself
No love left for me to give
I try and try
But no one wants me the way I am
Why should I pretend I like
To roam from door to door
Maybe I'll just kill myself
(FZ: Hey! Stop that! Stop that!)
I just don't care no more

Because
I am satisfied
Everything I've tried
(George: Satisfied!)
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me

Who, I said who would care if I was gone
I never met no one
Who'd care if I was dead and gone
Who, I said who needs me to care for them
Nobody . . .

FZ: Now look here. Now look here! This is supposed to be a college! This is an institution of higher learning! Now cool it! . . . Look, I'll tell you what, if you— If those of you who are complaining about them standing up would scoot back on your butts a little bit and give them a place to sit down then maybe we could clear that area out. Just scoot back some so they can sit down.

Sit on down, ah
Sit on down, ah
Sit on down, ah
Sit on down, ah
Sit on down, ooh
Sit on down . . .

FZ: The Mothers Of Invention babysitting service is on the air!

Sit on down
Sit on down, ah
Sit on down, ooh
Sit on down, well
Sit on down, ooh
Sit on down . . .

FZ: Hey!

Sit on down, come on now

FZ: Hey!

Sit on down

FZ: I don't believe this!

Sit on down, well
Sit on down, come on
Sit on down
Sit on down, down
Sit on down . . .

FZ: Wait just a minute. This is, this is entirely too evolved now. Can we have a little bit more light on the stage area here? Look. If you wanna have a concert, sit down and relax and you'll have a concert . . . Hold the boos!

You know I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Soothing little Dental Floss, yes indeed

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else
(How 'bout this lovely couple right over here?)
And then I would

Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck every single bit of their Floss
'N swish it aroun'

And I would have me a crop
An' it'd be on top
That's why I'm movin' to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(Yep! Woopy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay!)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon

Oh, I'm ridin' a small tiny camel
His name is Herbie Cohen
He's a good camel
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky for Suzy to strap some
Towels on now anyway
Well, any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
(Sit down!)
An' ride him all along the bo—

FZ: Sit down! I told you, sit down!

With a . . .

FZ: Chicken brutality. No, please sit down! It'd be different if it was an English group, you know, but, sit down!

George: Yes, love is a many splendored thing.

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
(A little tweezer glint!)

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Woopy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
(Arf arf!)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)

FZ: Yes, I'm moving to Montana soon because whenever I come to Erie, Pennsylvania, the people always stand up at the concert and makes it so hard to do the show, so I'm running away. I'm going all the way to Montana to get away from this. Arf arf, arf arf!

FZ: Now the sound you hear in the background, ladies and gentlemen, is the sound that has been made by jailbait, being struck together by George Duke. He is agitating a piece of metallic jailbait that he has brought to this concert. He didn't know that there'd be plenty of it here waiting for him when he got there. But he has this fantastic . . . This is his . . . Hem ehem . . .

George: I ain't going to jail, man, no . . . young . . .

FZ: I know you're not going to jail because Romero's going to jail tonight.

George: Hah hah hah!

FZ: So just keep beating that finger cymbal, George and then, keep your eye on George, ladies and gentlemen, because he's gonna pretend to hurt his thumb with a stick. Do it, George!

George: Nine over ten, ouch!

FZ: George isn't really huring himself. He's gonna get an Academy Award for this performance, I know.

George: Beat on it, Ruth.

FZ: Hurt him, Ruth . . . Ruth, sit down, you can't stand up at this concert. Then later, when everybody's been whipped into a frenzy by George's finger cymbal, he'll play the piano. Take it away, George!

George:

I had a dream
About this sounboard I got up here
And it was working.

Well
There was a little . . .
A miss came up.

I heard a sound
Don't know what it was
But all of a sudden
There appeared
Before me
A lady!
She was riding a camel!
And her name was
Ruth.

And she was saying strange things to me.
I said,
"Why do you want to say these strange things to me?
I'm a stranger in a strange land."
But she was riding this camel
She said, "I have a lot to tell you."
I said, "Well, go ahead."
And she began to speak in a strange language
I didn't quite understand it
But she wouldn' stop.

I said, "I don't understand that talk!"
She said, "Just keep listening."
I said, "But I don't understand!"
She said, "Keep listening."

She said, "Can you dig that?"
I said, "Wait a minute."

And then I said,
"Ruth! Wait a minute!"

"Get back!"
I said, "Get back!
Don't do it!
Don't do it to me!
Get back!
Don't do it!
Get back!
I can't stand it! . . .
Get back!"

FZ: Jesus, George!

George:

But then
But then
It happened
She played the blues
And I said, "I understand."
So I said, "Get down, Ruth!"
I said, "Get down, Ruth!"
I said, "I feel it now!"
And she started to get it faster!
And she got faster!
And she got faster!
Until the groove was cooking!
Yeah, yeah . . .

As I rolled
She told me, "You got it."
She was playing something
It was very interesting to me
She said, "Listen to this
Listen to this
Listen to this!"

Heh heh
She was cooking
Heh heh

Napoleon: Hah hah hah . . .

George:

I said, "Get down!"

I said, "What's wrong?
You don't need to stop!
Come back!"

Get on down
Come on
Get on down
Come on everybody

Camel had a hump
That camel had a hump
The camel had a hump

Napoleon:

A bunch of towels . . .

George:

The camel had a hump

Ruth liked that hump!
I said, "What do you do with that hump, Ruth?"
She says,
"I do strange things with that hump."
I said, "Like what?"
I said, "Come on, show me!"
She said, "All right, I'll show you."

Napoleon:

Squatting on the hump
Oh, I squat on the hump

George:

I said, "I don't understand."

Napoleon:

I squat on the hump
She squats on the hump

Squatting on the hump
Squatting on the hump

George:

Heh heh
Squatting for the hump . . .

Napoleon:

Squatting on the hump

George:

Squatting

Napoleon:

Squatting on the hump

George:

Squatting!

Napoleon:

Her legs wide open
Her legs wide open, yeah
Her legs wide open

Squatting on the hump
Legs
Wide
Open

George:

Ride on down
Squatting!
Yeah, yeah . . .

Napoleon:

Squatting on the hump . . .

FZ: The name of this song is "Don't Eat The Yellow Snow" . . . One, two, three, four . . .

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots 'n around my toe
Frost had bit the ground below
Was a hundred degrees below zero
And my momma cried
Boo-a-hoo hoo-ooo
And my momma cried
Boo-a-hoo hoo-ooo
Nanook, no no
Nanook, no no
Don't be a naughty Eskimo
Save your money, don't go to the show

Well I turned around an' I said, Ho ho
Well I turned around an' I said, Ho ho

Watch out where the huskies go
An' don't you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go
An' don't you eat that yellow snow

Well right about that time, people
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictly Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
He said Peak-a-boo
(Peek-a-boo)
Whereupon he proceeded to . . .
On my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe

With a lead
(Lead)
With a lead-filled
(Lead-filled)
With a lead-filled snow shoe
(Snow shoe)
He said Peak-a-boo
(Peak-a-boo)

With a lead
(Lead)
Filled
(Lead-filled)
With a lead-filled snow shoe
(Snow shoe)
He said Peak-a-boo
(Peek-a-boo)
(Peek-a-boo)

He went right up side the head of my favorite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe
(Peek-a-boo)
Hit him on the nose, he hit him on the fin 'n he . . .

You know, that got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be
Where I pos—
Where I—
Whereupon I— Wait a minute . . .

Hey . . .

Great moments in rock & roll.

Whereupron us—
Whereupon I proceeded to reach down
With my patented Nanook of the North whale blubber mitten
I reached down, I bent down 'n I scooped down
An' I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly
(Yellow Snow)
The deadly Yellow Snow from right there where the huskies go

And then I proceeded
Rub it all into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to the people in Erie, Pennsylvania
But destined to take the place of The Mud Shark
In your mythology
Here it goes now
The Circular Motion . . . (rub it) . . .

And then I pounced
Yes indeed!
And I pounced again
I jumped up 'n down on the chest of the . . .
Great Googly-Moogly!
I wrecked that fur trapper
I made that fur trapper feel just like I do standing here right now

And I'm telling you, that fur trapper was hurt
He got up and he said
And I quote . . .

I can't see
I can't see
Oh woe is me
I can't see

He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
He took a dog-doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee
Has blinded me
And, oh Lord, I can't see
I can't see

Well the fur trapper
Was in very bad shape, let me tell you
You know he's gotta be hurt if he ever wears a sweater on stage during a show
I turned to him and I said
Listen buddy
Have you ever heard about th— the legend
The ancient Esk— Eskimo legend
On whatever it is that they write it on up there
You know the one that says that if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
You gotta mumble-mumble
And then you go trudgin' across the tundra?
He said, Yes!
Why, certainly have!
And so he went
Trudgin' across the tundra
Mile after mile
Trudgin' across the tundra
He kept goin' trudgin' because
He sure as shit couldn't run that day
He was trudgin' across the tundra
All the way down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo

Now for all of you good Catholics in the audience
Saint Alfonzo is the patron saint
A-nah-hem-na-hunna-nah-hem
A-humma-na-hem hunna-han
Ran-na-na-hunna-na-nah
Hen-ne-heh hen-neh-hen-neh
Saint Alfonzo is the patron saint
Of the smelt fishermen of Portuguese extraction
As you all know
And his parish is located at the orifice of the Columbia River Delta
Right, right over by Ruth's parents house
And now watch Ruth, she's gonna play this hot lick for you
It's always good to watch Ruth
Just out of general purpose

I bet you're surprised to learn that here we are . . .

At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards in lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
(Pittie-pattie-pattie pittie-pittie-pootie-pootie)
Said why don't you treat me mean?
(Hurt me)
Hurt me!
(Hurt me)
Hurting
(Hurt me, oooooh!)
Pittie!
Pattie!
Pootie!
Pootie pootie!
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Blow the whistle!)
Pootie-pootie
(Get on the [cone])
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene

Father Vivian O'Blivion
Resplendent in his frock
Was whipping up the batter
For the pancakes of his flock
He was looking rather bleary
(He forgot to watch the clock)
'Cause the night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked
The night before
Behind the door
A leprechaun had stroked his
Sma-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ahhhhh
Set him off in such a frenzy
He sang Lock Around The Crock
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
An' he topped it off with a . . .
Woo woo woo
Woo woo woo
Woo woo woo
As he stumbled on his cock
He was delighted as it stiffened
And ripped right through his sock
Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
(Proud of me
Proud of me)
He shouted down the block, yes indeed

Dominus Vo-bisque 'em
Et come spear a tu-tu, oh!
Won't you eat my sleazy pancakes
Just for Saintly Alfonzo

They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite
They're so light 'n fluffy-white
We'll raise a fortune by tonite

They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town
They're so light 'n fluffy-brown
They're the finest in the town

Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo

Good morning, your Highness
Ooo-ooo-ooo
I brought you your snow shoes
Ooo-ooo-ooo

FZ: And as I said so many time before, Ruth Underwood on percussion, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Chester Thompson on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, George Duke on keyboards. Thank you very much for coming to the concert. Hope you enjoyed it. Good night.

Token, token
Night and day

Cough Cough Cough

FZ: All right, listen. On our new album we have uh, two selections that were recorded not too far from here—that's uh, in Edinboro, last year—and so that's what we're gonna do for an encore.

FZ: One, two, three, four . . .

Oh no, I don't believe it
You say that you think you know the meaning of love
You say love is all we need
You say with your love you can change
All of the fools, all of the hate
I think you're probably out to lunch

Oh no, I don't believe it
You say that you think you know the meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say that you really know
I think you should check it again
How can you say what you believe
Will be the key to a world of love?

All your love will it save me?
All your love will it save the world
From what we can't understand?
Oh no, I don't believe it

And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet
Saving the world
The words from your lips
(I am not a crook)
I just can't believe that you're ready
For trial

I just can't believe
You're ready for trial
I just can't believe
You're ready for trial
I just can't believe
You're ready for trial
I just can't believe
You're ready for trial

Well I'm about to get sick
(I am sick)
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the news
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
And when it's gonna change, my friend
Is anybody's guess

So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
I'm hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
(All right)
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Wednesday I watched the riot
I seen the cops out on the street
I watched them throwin' rocks and stuff
And chokin' in the heat
I listened to reports
About the whisky passin' around
I seen the smoke and fire
And the market burnin' down
I watched while everybody
On his street would take a turn
To stomp and smash and bash and crash
And slash and bust and burn

I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
I said I'm hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

FZ: Thanks again for coming to the concert. Hope you enjoyed it. Ruth Underwood on percussion. Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals. Chester Thompson on drums. Tom Fowler on bass. George Duke on keyboards. And the Human Snot Wad himself on guitar. Good night.

I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
And I'm hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear them sayin'
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
(Look out!)
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
Oh, there's no way to delay
(No way)
Every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Terry: One, two . . .

FZ:

All right, you guys all warmed up? All right, all right! Okay, now listen! Remember what I told you before, about moving back and sitting down so that the people behind you can see? Do me a favor, move back and sit down, make yourselves comfortable, because we're gonna play a long time for you. So please, the ones behind, move your little buttocks backwards just a little bit, give them some room so they can sit down. Because our show is so wonderful that I want everybody to see it, not just the ones in the front, you know what I mean?

Please move back. Just keep moving back.

While you're moving back—and believe me, believe me, folks, we're not gonna start playing until this is actually happening. Move back and sit down. And don't do that. We must have law and order here!

Ray White on guitar. There he goes! Patrick O'Hearn on bass. Terry Bozzio on drums. Eddie Jobson on keyboards and mystery violin. Bianca on keyboards and vocals.

All right, bring the band on down behind me, boys. Okay, please move back so that these people in the front have some space, and sit down. They can't sit down unless you give 'em a place to sit down, so scoot back!

Sedute.

This is a song about my feet.

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go, is that right, Kim?
Well, let me straighten you out
About a place I know
(Now get yer shoes 'n socks on, Kim
Because it's right aroun' the corner!)

You go out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Now scientists call this disease
Bromidrosis
And well they should
But us regular folks
Who might wear a tennis shoe
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
Stink Foot

That's right!
You know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girlfriend cry
"You got stink foot!
Stink foot, darlin'
Your stinkin' foot puts the hurts on my nose!
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, do you suppose?"

FZ:

Now wait a minute here! It's time for the first preliminary form of audience participation. And we have a ripe audience for it. The first thing that I'd like to do tonight is have some lucky member of the audience—preferably this girl right in front of the stage—actually kiss this plaster stinking foot. What do you say? Are you up for it?

Patrick?:

Nice. Nice. Delicately played. [...]

FZ:

The first two victims of hoof-in-mouth disease in Erie, Pennsylvania, are Vickie and Larry! Stand up and take a bow. All right! How 'bout you, Kim, you wanna try some?

Ah, as I've said so many times before, there's nothing like sticking somebody's foot in somebody else's mouth to cure the political problems of America today. It's about time that somebody stuck somebody else's foot in somebody else's mouth, because the ones that are talking today keep sticking their own feet in their mouth, and it makes their voices sound funny. We're going to forego the usual poodle routine and go directly into the guitar solo—we're so pressed for time tonight. Just remember one thing, when you have to do a show under these conditions it's possible that the whole event may be described as . . .

Sick!

FZ:

In the beginning God made the light, such as it is. Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. And the first of those mistakes was the construction of the poodle.

That's right. This is the poodle.

The reason the poodle was a mistake is because God wanted to build a German shepherd. He had this girlfriend, you see. But he came up with a poodle—there just wasn't enough material to go around in those days. Then he made two other mistakes. The second one was called Man. And the third one was called Wo-man.

The Wo-man looked at the poodle with lust in her heart, remembering that the poodle in the olden days had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant charming canine type body. Didn't look like this at all. Wasn't even pink. Actually it was kind of dingy brown.

The Wo-man looked at the Man and knew that this was a sucker. She turned to the Man and said, "Why don't you go get a job?" The Man, because he was a sucker, got up and went out and got a job. And he came back and gave the money to the Wo-man. The Wo-man took the money from the sucker and the sucker took a nap. Then the Wo-man left the Garden of Eden and went to a hardware store and got some clippers, some scissors, and a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers! That's right!

Then what do you think she did? She came back to the Garden of Eden itself, grabbed the poodle by the snout and started clipping on him to give him a disco look. So she cleaned off his back, cleaned off his thorax, his medulla, and over here, near the Sheraton in Allentown, Pennsylvania, where they have that little 75¢ glass of orange juice as big as your finger. She got all those unsightly little brown accouterments off of this area. Then she trimmed on his face so that you could see the succulent little red poodle tongue, which was the business end of the dog in those days. And then, using, using her charms, actually induced the dog to sit up on its hind legs with its little snout in the air.

And then, she went over and she sat on the dog's face and made the snout, whiskers and little black poodle lips and everything, go up into her pee hole!

And while she was down there, sort of working the snout, as they say in the trade, she was able—and we don't know how, to this very day, we don't know how she did this—she looked deep into the poodle's eyes and said these words . . .

Give me
Your dirty love
Like you might surrender
To some dragon in your dreams

Give me
Your dirty love
Like you might surrender
To the dragon in your dreams

I don't want your cheap emotion
I don't want your sweet devotion
Whip me up a little dragon lotion
For that dirty love
Yeah yeah, yeah . . .

Oh, give me
Your dirty love
Like a tacky little pamphlet
In your daddy's bottom drawer

Give me
Your dirty love
I don't believe you've never seen
That book before

I don't want no reservation
I don't want no hesitation
I just got one destination
That's your dirty love
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Come on, give me that [...]
Get it good!

Give me
Your dirty love
Just like your mama
Make that fuzzy poodle do

Give me
Your dirty love
Just like your mama
Make that fuzzy poodle do

I don't want no reservation
Or your little-bo-peep diploma
I'm gonna put you in a coma
With that dirty love
With that dirty love
With that dirty love
With that dirty love

The poodle bites!
(The poodle bites)
The poodle chews it!
(The poodle chews it)
The poodle bites!
(The poodle bites)
The poodle chews it!
(The poodle chews it)
The poodle bites!
(The poodle bites)
The poodle chews it!
(The poodle chews it)
The poodle bites!
(The poodle bites)
The poodle chews it!
(Poodle does chew it)
The poodle bites!
(Oh . . . )
The poodle chews it!
(Oh . . . )
The poodle bites!
(Oh . . . )
The poodle chews it!
(Oh . . . )
The poodle bites!
(I said poodle bites)
The poodle chews it!
(I said poodle chews it)
The poodle bites!
(I said poodle bites)
And the poodle chews it!
(I said poodle chews it)
The poodle bites!
(I said poodle bites)
The poodle chews it!
(I said poodle . . . bites)
The poodle bites!
(That poodle, ooh!)
The poodle chews it!
(That poodle, yeah)
The poodle bites!
(Bites)
The poodle chews it!
(Yeah, bites)
The poodle bites!
(That poodle bites)
The poodle chews it!
(Oh-ooh-oh)
The poodle bites!
The poodle chews it!
(Oh-ooh-oh)
(Chews it)
The poodle bites!
The poodle chews . . .

Poodle bites
Poodle bites
(The poodle . . . )

FZ: You know the poodle does bite. Look at this. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a song about higher education. The name of this song is "You Are Going To Wind Up Workin' In A Gas Station."

This here song might offend you some
If it does, it's because you're dumb
That's the way it is where I come from
If you've been there too, let me see your thumb

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

FZ: Well, come on, let's see some thumbs out there!

Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)
Let me see your thumb
(Let me see your thumb)

FZ: All right!

Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're really dumb
Show me your thumb if you're dumb
(FZ: There's my thumb and I am dumb.)

Hey now, better make a decision
(Make a decision)
Be a moron and keep your position
(Keep your position)
You oughta know now all your education
(Know all your education)
Won't help you no-how, you're gonna . . .

Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Pumpin' the gas every night
Pumpin' the gas every night
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Manny the Camper wants to buy some white
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!)
Manny the Camper wants to buy some white
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!)
Manny the Camper wants to buy some white
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!)
Manny the Camper wants to buy some white
(Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas sta . . . Fish!)

Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station
Wind up workin' in a gas station

Yes! I'm only fourteen
Sickly 'n thin
Tried all of my life
Just to grow me a chin
Popped out once
But my dad pushed it in
Tell me, why did he hurt me?
Lord, he's my next of kin
He's a mex-i-kin

I'm lonely 'n green
Too small for my shirt
If Simmons was here
I could feature my hurt
I'm scared of the future
'N I hope I don't grow
Listen, Nobody likes me
'Cause everywhere that I go
They say no
They say no
They say no

Now I'm older
Got a place in the town, babe
Got a chin on my shoulder
'N it keeps growing down 'n down 'n down
I'm horny 'n lonely
'N I wish I was dead
Why am I livin'?
Lord, I wanna be dead instead
That's right, I said
I wanna be dead instead
Now dig this . . .

I wanna be dead
In bed
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
In bed
Please kill me
(Wow!)
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Now!)
In bed
(I wanna be dead instead)
Please kill me
(Be dead in bed)
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Just as sure as my name is Terry Ted, Terry Ted)
In bed
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(Kill me)
I wanna be dead
(Thrill me)
In bed
(Baby you got to fill me with your love)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Babe, don't you wow, no)
In bed
Please kill me
(With some love)
'Cause that would thrill me

One more time for the world!

I wanna be dead
(Yeah-hey!)
In bed
(I wanna be dead instead)
Please kill me
(I wanna be dead in bed)
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Yeah-hey-hey-hey!)
In bed
(Just as sure as my name is Terry Ted)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me
(I'm only fourteen)
I wanna be dead
(Sickly 'n green)
In bed
Please kill me
(I'm feelin' really lean
I'm in love, see)
'Cause that would thrill me
I wanna be dead
(Don't you want, girl)
In bed
Please kill me
(Fill me with some love)
'Cause that would thrill me
(Baby, don't you)
I wanna be dead
(Wow, no)
In bed
(Fill me with some love)
Please kill me
'Cause that would thrill me

FZ: Thank you!

Flies all green 'n buzzin'
In his dungeon of despair
Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes
And scratch their matted hair
A tiny light from a window hole
A hundred yards away
Is all they ever get to know
About the regular life in the day

An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the room where the giant fire puffer works
'N the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops

Slime 'n rot, rats 'n snot
'N vomit on the floor
'N fifty ugly soldiers, man
Holdin' spears by the iron door
Knives 'n spikes 'n guns 'n the likes
Of every tool of pain
An' a sinister midget with a bucket an' a mop
Where the blood goes down the drain

An' it stinks so bad the stones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the room where the giant fire puffer works
'N the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
The torture
The torture never stops

Flies all green 'n buzzin'
In his dungeon of despair
An evil prince eats a steamin' pig
In a chamber right near there
(With a sport coat)
He eats the snouts 'n the sport coat first
The loins 'n the groins is soon dispersed
His carvin' style is well rehearsed
He stands and shouts
All men be cursed
All men be cursed
All well-dressed men be cursed
And their sport coats first
And disagree
(I have a sport coat myself, don't worry about it.)
No-one durst
He the best of course of all the worst
(He's the best of course of all the worst)
When he gets dressed up he wears the sport coat first
(Some wrong been done . . . )
(When he gets dressed up he wears the sport coat first)

An' he stinks so bad his bones been chokin'
'N weepin' greenish drops
In the night of the iron sport coat
Where the torture never stops
The torture never stops
The torture
(Nice!)
The torture
(Exciting new man, exciting new costume)
(What the . . . ?)

FZ: Hart Schaffner & Marx!

Flies all green 'n buzzin'
In his dungeon of despair
Who are all those people
With the sport coats all out there
Are they crazy?
Are they sainted?
Are they zeros someone painted?
It has never been explained
Since at first it was created
But a sport coat like a sin
Requires naught but tuckin' in
Of everything that's ever been
Look at her
Look at him
(That's right!)
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in
That's what's the deal we're dealing in

FZ: Thank you! . . . That's it, get down!

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
Say, when they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Say, keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Yeah, tiny tiny tiny sheets
(Talk about it)
Talk about that cookies
That the peoples eats

Well, city of tiny lites
Say, maybe you should know
It's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere

You can see it any time
When you get the squints
From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver line-y
The great escape for all of you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
(I have to say it)
Tiny lightnin'
(Flashin')
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Gonna keep you warm
I say, tiny pillows
Tiny tiny, tiny tiny, tiny tiny, tiny tiny sheets
I'm talkin' 'bout the tiny cookies
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
(FZ: The tiny cookies that the peoples eats . . . )
Yeah!

 

You . . .
Oh, you . . .
You didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home
I keep calling your name
And you
I need you so bad
You're the one, babe

Tell me, tell me
Who's loving you now
'Cause it worries my mind
And I can't sleep at all
Stayed home on Friday
Just to wait for your call

Oh . . .
(You didn't try)
You didn't try
(You didn't try)
You didn't try
(You didn't try)
You didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home
I keep calling your name
And you
I need you so bad
You're the one, babe

Oh, tell me, tell me
Who's loving you now
'Cause it worries my mind
And I can't sleep at all
Stayed home on Friday
Just to wait for your call

I can't sleep what's wrong or what's right
All you gotta do is want me, baby

You make me feel so excited
Oh, I've got so hung up, hung up on you
That the moment that we met
That no matter how I try
I can't keep the tears
From running down my face
I'm all alone at this place

You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
In the morning
What's wrong with trying
Stayed all morning
Want you to love all the way
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
Hello, baby
Hello, hello, baby
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me on the telephone
You didn't try to call me
On the telephone, baby
On the telephone, baby, want
On the telephone, baby
(FZ: Just a minute here, just a minute . . . )
On the telephone, baby
(FZ: Let's just calm down . . . )
On the telephone, baby
On the telephone, baby

FZ: Let's do another old song. This is a song from the Chunga's Revenge album. It goes like this . . .

Hi and howdy doody
I'm the union man
You can call me Rudy
Any you boys not paid up on your cards?
(Huh?)

You know I'm pleased to meet ya
Been tryin' all day to reach ya
The union's here to help everyone of you
Rock & roll stars, yes!

You boys know we care a lot
About the way they treat ya
They send a guy like me to every gig
Just to get
A chance to meet you
To check and see
No wrong been done
That's one good reason
I carry a gun
I hope the bulge
Don't bum you out
Wanna get a good look?
Let me pull it right out!
Let me pull it right out!
Let me pull it right out!
Let me whip it right out!

Hi and howdy doody
I'm the union man
You can call me Rudy
Any you boys not paid up on your cards again?
(Huh?)

You know I'm pleased to meet ya
Been tryin' all day to reach ya
The union's here to help everyone of you
Rock & roll stars, yes

Welcome to Chicago
Welcome to L.A.
Welcome to our local here
You'll always hear me say
The work dues here it's a couple a bucks
I'm sure you're glad to pay
Whip it out, here's your receipt
Now I'll go away
Now I'll go away
And now I'll go away
Now I'll go away
Away, yeah
Away, yeah
Away, yeah

FZ: Thank you.

Remember Freddie and Jo?
The night you went to the show?
(A monster movie)
Clutchin' at yer hand
(Wait ten seconds)
Clutchin' at yer arm
(Wait ten seconds)
Clutchin' at yer elbow
Where did your brassiere go?
Then the monster came out
And everybody shout
People all around you
Screamin' at the monster
The Monster From The U.S.O.

Who's this dude with his hair straight back?
His new white socks, 'n his pants all black
His T-shirt's rolled
His watch is gold
A '55 Chevy that his brother just stoled
With his arm's around yer waist
An' his hand is in yer pants
An' he asks you for a date
To the servicemen's dance

Suppose you don't wanna?
What you gonna do?
When a guy like that
Got his hands on you
I said, oh, baby!
Tell me baby
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.O.?
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.A.?
Would you go all the way
For the U.S.O.?
Lift up your dress, if the answer is "no"

Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?

Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Would you go all the way?
Go all the way?
Go all the way?
Go all the way?
No, no
No, no
No, no . . .
(Ray: I don't think I would, would you?)
(FZ: And now . . . )
(Ray: I'd give her a quarter, though.)
(FZ: "Black Napkins" . . . )

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

 

 

L.A. in the summer of '69
I went downtown and bought me some wine
Oh, I drank it down I went under the table
I said, "Watch me now, I'm gonna eat the label!"
Well I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?

36, 24, hips about 30
I saw a fine lady and I started talkin' dirty
Looked at me and she raised the thumb
She said, "Jam down the road, you funky-ass bum"
I'm a wino man
Don't you know I am?

I went to the country
And while I was gone
I lost control of my body functions
On a roller-headed lady's front lawn
I'm so ashamed, but I'm a wino man
And I can't help myself
Help me somebody!

Drinkin' all night till my eyes got red
Stumbled on the gutter and busted my head
Bugs in my zoot suit, had me scratchin' like a dog
Can't stand no water and I stink like a hog
Give me a five-dollar bill
And an overcoat too
Give me a five-dollar bill
And an overcoat too
Give me a five-dollar bill and an overcoat too
A five-dollar bill and a Florsheim shoe

FZ: Ray White on guitar, Patrick O'Hearn on bass, Terry Bozzio on drums, Eddie Jobson on keyboards, Bianca on vocals and keyboards. Thanks a lot for coming to the concert. Hope you enjoyed it. Even you in the sport coat. Good night!

FZ: All right!

FZ: All right. The name of this song, folks, is "Stranded In The Jungle."

I crashed in the jungle while trying to keep a date
With my little girl who was back in the States
Stranded in the jungle, afraid and alone
Trying to figure a way to get a message back home
But how was I to know that the wreckage of my plane
Had been picked up and spotted, and my girl in Lover's Lane?

Meanwhile, back in the States . . .

Baby, baby, let's make romance
You know, your old-time lover hasn't got a chance
He's stranded in the jungle, stranded as he can be
So come on pretty baby, just you and me

Meanwhile, back in the jungle . . .

Well, the boys in the jungle had me on the run
When something heavy hit me, like an atomic bomb
When I woke up and my head started to clear
I had the strangest feeling, I was in cooking gear
Boy, I turn around and I look to see
That's when I found out they was a-cooking me

Great googa-mooga! Let me out of here!

Meanwhile, back in the States . . .

Baby, baby, let's make romance
You know, your old-time lover hasn't got a chance
He's stranded in the jungle, stranded as he can be
So come on pretty baby, just you and me

Meanwhile, back in the jungle . . .

Well, I jumped out the pot, and I finally got away
Frantic with worry about what my baby'd say
So I jumped in the ocean and I started to swim
But my chances of survival were getting mighty slim
So I thumbed down a whale who was heading my way
And I reached the States in about a half a day
Now when I got to Lover's Lane, I was almost dead
But my soul was gone, and here's what I said . . .

Baby, baby, the man is no good
Oh baby, baby, you should have understood
You can trust me as long as I'm free
So come back pretty baby where you used to be
'Cause I love you
'Cause I love you
'Cause I love you
'Cause I love you
'Cause I love you
(Come on, Tex, dance!)
'Cause I love you

FZ: We can't get our go-go boy out here.
Ray?: Come on out here.
FZ: His name is Tex. Just yell "Tex" and he'll come out. Tex!

We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex

FZ: We want Tex.

We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex
We want Tex . . .

FZ: Tex Abel! . . . All right! . . . Okay, just— The beat goes on.

I couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

Strolled on over, said look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill says you can't make me cum
No no! Y'jes can't do it

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum

I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
So I got down to it

Whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
Still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm
No Dinah-Moe Humm

Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
An' I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
All right!

All right!
I got a spot that gets me hot
An' you ain't been to it
I got a spot that gets me hot
An' you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
But you ain't been to it

'Cause I can't get into it
To get myself out of it
An' I gotta get out of it
To get myself into it
An' I gotta get into it
To get myself out of it
An' I gotta get out of it
To get myself into it

She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said, now listen, this is what she said . . .
She said . . .

Just get me wasted
An' you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up
Then my body don't care

I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin
An' said my-my-my
What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?

The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet

I told her . . .
Just because the sun
Want a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try

So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs up in the air
An' asked her if she had any cooties in there

(Whaddya mean cooties! No cooties on me!)

She was buns-up kneelin'
(Buns up!)
I was wheelin' an' dealin'
(Wheelin' an' dealin' an' ooooh!)
She surrender to the feelin'
(She sweetly surrendered)
An' she started in to squealin'

Dinah-Moe watched
From the edge of the bed
With her lips just a-twitchin'
An' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in

She quivered, she quaked
She clutched at herself
Her sister made a joke
About her mental health
Until Dinah-Moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline, I said . . .

Kiss my aura . . . Dora . . .
It's real angora
That's right! It's real angora
Would y'all like some more-a?
Right here on the flora?
An' how 'bout you, Fauna?
Do you wann—

FZ: Do you wanna? . . . Looks like a lot of you wanna. Let me tell you something, if you wanna, go ahead! . . . Just don't hurt anybody while you're doing it. To the top!

I couldn't say where she's comin' from
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm

She strolled on over, said look here, bum
I got a forty-dollar bill said you can't make me cum
No no! Y'jes can't do it! That's right!

She made a bet with her sister who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum

I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
So I got down to it

I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb
An' applied rotation to her sugar plum

I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb
You know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
(Dinah-Moe)
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
(Dinah-Moe)
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe
(Whatcha gonna do?)
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
(Dinah-Moe)
Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
(Dinah-Moe)
Little Dinah-Moe again
Little Dinah-Moe
(Dinah-Moe)
Little Dinah-Moe again
(Dinah-Moe)
Dinah-Moe
(Dinah-Moe)
Dinah-Moe again

FZ: Ray White, Patrick O'Hearn, Terry Bozzio, Eddie Jobson, Bianca, and the dynamic Tex. Good night!

FZ: Thank you! . . . All right, here's one for you . . .

She had that Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was a Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

I chewed my way through her rancid panocha
She laid buck naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
And it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore
Okay!

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin'

Here we go!

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
(He was a muffin, right?)
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin'

One more time!

FZ: Ray White, Patrick O'Hearn, Terry Bozzio, Eddie Jobson, and Bianca. And me. Good night. Thanks for coming to the show. Hey, will you guys do me a favor. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Will you do me a favor, please? Okay. Tomorrow, if you have some spare time, call your neighborhood radio station and tell 'em to play our album, would you? I'd appreciate it. Good night!

 

You . . .
You . . .
You didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home
I keep calling your name
And you
I need you so bad
You're the one, the one, babe

Ooh, tell me, tell me
Who's loving you now
'Cause it worries my mind
And I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday
Just to wait for your call

You didn't try
(You didn't try)
You didn't try
(You didn't try)
You didn't try
Oh, to call me
Why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home
I keep calling your name
And you
I need you so bad
You're the one, the one, babe

Ooh, tell me, tell me
Who's loving you now
'Cause it worries my mind
And I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday
Just to wait for your call

I can't sleep
What's wrong or what's right
All you gotta do is want me, want me, baby
Want me, babe

You make me feel so excited, boy
I got so hung up on you
That the moment that we met
That no matter how I try
Oh, I can't keep the tears
From running down my face
I'm all alone, 'lone in this place

You didn't try to call me, yeah
Didn't try to call me, yeah
Didn't try to call me, yeah
Didn't try to call me, yeah, oh
Didn't try
I know, no, you didn't try
See I tried so hard
You didn't try [...]
Tell me baby, [...] I seem
It didn't work out with you
Oh, you didn't try to call me
And I tried
Oh, you didn't try to call me
But I tried
Yeah, yeah hey
Didn't try
You didn't, you didn't try
Oh why
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try
No no
You didn't try
You didn't try
You didn't try
You didn't try, you didn't try
You didn't try, you didn't try
You didn't try, you didn't try
You didn't try, try to call

FZ: Bianca!

FZ: All right. I'd like to do a song from my new album now. The name of this song is "Black Napkins." And the name of the album, by the way, is Zoot Allures, and I would appreciate it if you'd get on the phone and call your radio station and say, "Hey, play that son of a bitch, would you?" Anyway, this is, this is a romantic song—I know that you're all very . . . romantic tonight. What? Oh, I can't understand you out here. The people sitting next to you are talking too much, I can hardly hear you. Oh, never mind.

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

FZ: Ray, Patrick, Terry, Eddie, and Bianca. Good night!