Zappa '75—Zagreb/Ljubljana

Roy & others: [...] Managua. Managua. [...] Managua. Managua. [...] Managua. Managua. Managua [...]. Managua. [...] Managua. Managua. Managua. [...]

Terry: One, two, three . . .

Napoleon: Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny [...].

FZ: Hello. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to The Mothers Of Invention Yugoslavian Extravaganza. Featuring Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Norma Bell on alto saxophone, André Lewis on keyboards, little skinny Terry "Ted" Bozzio on drums, Roy Ralph Moleman Guacamole [Tucimo] Estrada on bass, ladies and gentlemen. And furthermore . . .

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
(Fever)
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
(Mornin')
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go?
Now tell the truth!
Lemme straighten you out
About a place I know
(Now get yer shoes 'n socks on people
Because it's right aroun' the corner, you know?)

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Now scientists call this disease Bromidrosis
And well they should
But us regular Yugoslavian ladies and gentlemen
Who might wear a tennis shoe
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
Stink Foot
Yes, how true that is

Y'know, my python boot was too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girlfriend cry
"You got stink foot!
Stink foot, darlin'
Your stinkin' foot puts the hurts on my nose!
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"

Well, here Fido, here Fido . . .
Where is that dog?
We probably don't even have a dog.
Oh, Fido, please, Fido, please bring me the slippers . . .
Well . . .
Thank you, Fido, right on, Fido.

FZ: Now as you can see, ladies and gentlemen, Fido has just brought me the finest slippers that Germany has to offer. And I'm gonna cherish these for, oh, approximately the next three days. But meanwhile . . .

FZ:

Now I don't know how much difficulty you're going to have in following this particular transition because what we intend to do tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is try and give you an idea of the kind of a show that we would play for anybody in the United States. This is your Unmodified United States Of America Imported Rock & Roll Program. With all of the— That's right. With all of the glamour and all of the excitement minus all of the equipment.

Now, normally—let's say we're sitting in the middle of some pasteurized homogenized place in the middle of the United States of America and it was this part of the show—what would we do? Well, we would do this. Watch. To you, this is some toilet paper, right? But not tonight, because you're gonna have to use your very own Yugoslavian imagination and picture that this toilet paper is actually a dog. Now, this may take a little work but try it.

Now this is a dog. Do you know what a poodle is? You do? How many— He knows! Anybody else know what a poodle is? Yes, some people do—Okay. Well, I don't know what a poodle looks like in Yugoslavia but—bring the band on down behind me, boys—look, in the United States of America—you remember that place—they have these dogs called poodles, and the poodle is normally owned and operated by somebody's mother. The kind of a mother with steaming blue hair and a little costume jewelry—perhaps a [sway] of mink in the closet. These are the people who are—well, and our road manager too—these are the kind of people who would take the poodle as a way of life.

Now, the poodle—as represented by this toilet paper, side one, side two—the poodle in its natural state is a regular looking dog. It has hair all over its body. But when an American mom gets a hold of a poodle, she has to cut part of the hair off to make it look special, see? Changing the poodle's appearance to make it more exotic, see? Now this is a fully trimmed American poodle, as you can see. This means that the poodle in the United States is one of the ugliest fucking things you'll ever see in your life!

Now this song is a song that deals with the possibilities of a sexual union between your mother—even here in Yugoslavia—your mom and the poodle itself, and it goes like this . . .

One, two, three, four . . .

Give me
Your dirty love
Like you might surrender
To some dragon in your dreams

Give me
Your dirty love
Like a pink donation
To the dragon in your dreams

I don't want your sweet devotion
I don't need your cheap emotion
Whip me up some dragon lotion
For your dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love

Give me
Your dirty love
Like some tacky little pamphlet
In your daddy's bottom drawer

Give me
Your dirty love
I don't believe you've never seen
His book before

I don't want your reservation
I don't need no hesitation
I only got one destination
An' that's your dirty love, well
That dirty love
That dirty love, well
That dirty love

Give me
Your dirty love
Just like your mama
Make her fuzzy poodle do

Give me
Your dirty love
The way your mama
Make that nasty poodle chew

I'll ignore your cheap aroma
And your little-bo-peep diploma
I'll just put you in a coma
With some dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love

The poodle bites!
The poodle chews it!
The poodle bites!
The poodle chews it!
The poodle bites!
The poodle chews it!
The poodle bites!
The poodle chews it!
The poodle bites!
The poodle chews it!
The poodle bites!
The poodle chews it!
The poodle bites!
(Come on, Frenchie)
The poodle chews it!
The poodle bites!
The poodle chews it!
(Come on, Frenchie!)
The poodle bites!
(The little pawns)
The poodle chews it!
(Its nose)
The poodle bites!
(The curly head)
The poodle chews it!
(The nose)
The poodle bites!
(Lips)
The poodle chews it!
(The poodle lips)
The poodle bites!
(The poodle lips)
The poodle chews it!
(The poodle suckers)
The poodle bites!
(The poodle Managua)
The poodle chews it!
(The poodle Managua)
The poodle bites!
(The poodle Managua)
The poodle chews it!

FZ: Now wait just a minute, before the poodle goes all the way to Managua . . . I gotta check something here . . . Now watch this . . .

When I won your love
I was very glad
Every happiness in the world
Belonged to me
Then our love was lost
You went away
Now I shed my tears
In lonely misery

I know now
You never really loved me
It hurts me now to think
You never really cared
I sit and ask myself a thousand times
To try and find, yeah
What really happened
To the love
That we shared

How could I be such a fool
How could I believe
All those lies you told me
How could I be taken in
By your sweet face
You spoiled our love
You ruined my life, yeah
I'm so tore down
I'm a terrible disgrace

But there will come a time
You'll regret the way
You treated me as if
As if I was your fool
And didn't know
The many times you lied
About your love for me, yeah
Someone else is gonna know
Your love was just a show

How could I be be be be
What you wanted me to be be be be me me me
How could I be yeah
What you wanted me to be be
When all the time
Wasn't really your fool, baby
But anyway
I let you think that I be insane
I just want to let you know one thing
You got to realize
That what you're doing for me ain't nothing, baby
Everytime I see your face
Feel like it's a disgrace to be
Anything you want me to be, baby
All night long
Ain't gonna get down on my knees no more
Baby baby baby
Have another chance to get up on
Baby
Get a chance to
What you want me to be
Gonna give it up
[...]

Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to give away
I sit and laugh at fools in love
There ain't no such thing as love
Ain't no angels singing up above today

Oh, girl, I don't believe, no no
Girl, I don't believe in what you say
You say your heart is only mine
I say to you, you must be blind
I mean, what makes you think you're so fine
That I would throw away
The groovy life I lead
'Cause, baby, what you got, yeah
It sure ain't what I need

Girl, you'd better go
Girl, you'd better go away
I think that life with you would be
Just not quite the thing for me
I mean, why is it so hard to see my way

Why should I be stuck with you
It's just not what I want to do
Why should an embrace or two
Make me such a part of you
I ain't got no heart to give away

Ain't got no heart
Ain't got no heart
I ain't go no heart to give . . .

Got no place to go
Tired of walking
Up and down the street all by myself
No love left for me to give
Tried and tried
No one wants me the way I am
Why should I pretend I like
To roam from door to door
Maybe I'll just kill myself
I just don't care no more

Because
I'm not satisfied
Everything I've tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me

Who, I said who would care if I was gone
I never met nobody
Who'd care if I was dead and gone
Who, I said who needs me to care for them
Nobody needs me
Tell me why should I hang around?
Why should I just sit and watch
While the others smile
I just wish that someone cared
If I was happy for a while

Because
I'm not satisfied
Everything I've tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing me

FZ: Voila!

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh
Wee-ee-oooh

No more credit
From the liquor store
Suit is all dirty, my
Shoes is all wore
Tired and lonely, my
Heart is all sore
Advance romance
I can't stand it no more, you know

Told me she loved me
I believed what she said
Took me for a sucker, boy
All corn-fed
Next thing I knew
She had a bolt on the door
Advance romance
I can't use it no more

She took André's watch
Like they always do
(It was a Timex, too!)
(Wah-Hoo-Hoo
Wah-Hah-Hoo-Hoo)
(And-a shame on you)
No more money, boy
I shoulda knew
(I tried to tell you)
(Well I didn't listen to you)
(You wouldn't listen to me [...])
(Now I'm on welfare, got bread stamps and everything
Took my wallet and all that kind of shit)
The way she do me, boy
She might do you, too
The way she do me, boy
She might do you, too
The way she do me, boy
She might do you, too

FZ: Look what she did to André tonight!

Advance romance
People we are through!

Potato-head Bobby
Was a friend of mine
Opened three of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Opened four of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Opened five of his eyes
In the food stamp line
He opened six of his eyes
In the food stamp line
I'm afraid, you know, she might be a devil
Had a little red dress on
Little bitty thing right here
Some funny shoes with the toes sticking out
The back sticking out
Someboy told me it's for ventilation
Big old red thing and a
Flapping and flapping and flapping and [...]
Advance romance
He wanna try it one time

Later that night
He drop on by
Told her all he want to do
Was come up and say "Hi"
(Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi
Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi)
Half an hour later
She had frenched his fry
Advance romance
Bobby, say good-bye

Advance romance
Bobby, say good-bye

Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a man like me

He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
His fav'rite phrase was "outa-site!"
He had an Irish Setter

It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
The moon was dim, the band was tight
They did the Bump together

What a splendid sight
Her teeth were white
The drinks were cheap
(It was Ladies Nite)
He was glad that he met her

She was an office girl ("My name is Betty")
Her fav'rite group was Helen Reddy
(They discussed the weather)

Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a
Baby, don't you want a
Baby, don't you want a
Man!

She was a lonely sort, a little too short
Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport
Was hockey (in the winter)
(Shoot! Ugh! Shit!)

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best
As he jabbed his elbow in her
(Get it? Get it? Yeah, yes, yes)

Later on they went off to where the music was soft
The candles were drippy, they saw a real hippy
Who delivered their dinner

The rice was brown, and soon they found
That the crowd around that had jammed the room
Well it seemed to be getting thinner

Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a
Baby, don't you want a
Baby, don't you want a
Man!

He took her home to a motor court
She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it
But it made him angry!

He called her a slut
A pig and a whore
A bitch and a cunt
And she slammed the door
In a petulant frenzy!

On the sofa I weep
I weep and I weep
I weep and I peep
Through the curtain

He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he asked to use the phone
So I gave him some head
And that's the end of the story

Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a man like me
Honey honey, hey
Baby, don't you want a
Baby, don't you want a
Baby, don't you want a
Man!
Baby, don't you want a man sometimes?

FZ:

All right now, this is very, very difficult to explain, this part of our program, so you have to listen carefully to what I'm going to tell you—I'm going to speak very slowly so the full impact of these words may be with you for all time. This is the story of the Illinois Enema Bandit. Now, do you know what an enema is?

Crowd:

Yeah!

FZ:

Does— in— I can say it in German, it's a Klistierspritze. You don't know Klistierspritze? Well look, this is the story of a guy in the, in the United States who, who goes around with a mask on, and a gun, some rope, a briefcase, a thermometer, and an enema bag, and he goes into the homes of college educated women and forces them to submit to a cosmically oriented internal rinse at gun point. What he does is he ties them up, lays them down, takes out the bag, goes into the other room, fills it with hot water, goes back to where the girl is, spread her buns out, stuffs it in, pumps her up, pulls it out, beats his meat, takes the gun away, and tells her not to call the police for at least five minutes.

Now this is a true story. They caught the guy. His name is Michael Kenyon. It's too bad that he didn't— wasn't working around the Zagreb area because I'm sure that you could use a little action here. Look at this guy down here, he understands what I'm saying.

[Firecracker.]

Let's have no more of that. It's dangerous! Anyway, here is our song about Michael Kenyon, the Illinois Enema Bandit.

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose

Lord, the pitiful screams
Of them college-educated women
For he'd just be tyin' 'em up
They'd be all bound down!
Be just pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news

Bloomington, Illinois
He has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Searchin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Searchin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Searchin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna . . .

The Illinois Enema Bandit
Some day he's gonna pay
Some day he's gonna pay

The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
They'll put out a call-yooou! for the jury folks
(That's you!)
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
They'll drag in the bandit for all to see
Sayin', "Don't nobody, no no, have no sympathy
Hot soapy water in the first degree!"
And the Bandit might say, "Why is everybody always pickin' on me?"

Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Bandit, did you cause this misery?
One girl shout, "Let the Bandit be!"

Well, are you guilty?
Bandit, tell me, what's your plea?
Another girl shout, "Let the fiend go free!"

Well, are you guilty?
Bandit, tell me, did you do these deeds?
You know what he said?
He said, "It must be just what they all need"
(Bandit say)
"It must be just what they all need"
(Enema)
"It must be just what they all need"
(Soapy water)
"It must be just what they all need"
(Aqua minerale)

I coulda swore her hair was made of rayon
She wore a Milton Bradley crayon
But she was something I could lay on
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

She put a Doobie Brothers tape on
I had a Roger Daltrey cape on
(A Roger Daltrey cape on)
There was a bed I dumped her shape on
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

Somewhat later on
I woke up and she was gone
There was dew out on the lawn
In the sunrise
Later she came back
With a rumpled paper sack
Which she told me would contain
A surprise

She stuck her hand right in it to the bottom
Said she knew I'd be surprised she got 'em
Take a Charleston pimp to spot 'em
Then she gave a pair of shoes to me
(This is a shoe!)
Plastic leather, 14 triple D

I said, "I wonder what's the shoe for?"
She told me, "Don't you worry no more!"
And got right down there on the tile floor
(There go the shoes!)
"Now, darling, stomp all over me!"
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

Is this something new
Having people stomp on you?
Is it what I need to do
For your pleasure?
(And other things)
"What is this, a quiz?"
"Don't Managua what it is
It is merely just a moment
I can treasure"

By ten o'clock her arms and legs were rendered
She couldn't talk 'cause her mouth had been extendered
It looked to me as though she had been blendered
But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!
(She likes it that way)

But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

It might seem strange to Herb and Dee
(Arnie too)
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

You're a lonely little girl
(Yum-yum, yum-yummity-yum)
But your mommy and your daddy don't care
You're a lonely little girl, yeah, yeah

The things they say
Just hurt your heart
It's too late now
For them to start
To understand
The way you feel
The world for them
Is too unreal
Oh you're lonely, lonely, lonely
Lonely little girl
Oh . . .

Every night you sit in your room
Right by your radio
Reading your book
Pictures of the idol you love

The words that he sings
The way that he looks
In a picture on the wall
There's a tear in his eye-ay-ay eye-ay-ay eye-ay-eye

There will come a time when everybody
Who is lonely will be free
To sing and dance and love

There will come a time when every evil
That we know will be an evil
That we can rise above

Who cares if hair is long or short
Or sprayed or partly grayed
We know that hair ain't where it's at

There will come a time when you won't even
Be ashamed if you are fat!

Wah Wah Wah Wah

There will come a time when everybody
Who is lonely will be free
To sing and dance and love

There will come a time when every evil
That we know will be an evil
That we can rise above

Who cares if you're so poor you can't afford
To buy a pair of Mod A Go-Go stretch-elastic pants
There will come a time when you can even
Take your clothes off when you dance

Wah Wah Wah Wah

There will come a time when you can even
Take your clothes off when you dance

Wah Wah Wah Wah

There will come a time when you can even
Take your clothes off when you dance

What's the ugliest
Of your body?
What's the ugliest
Of your body?
Some say your nose
Some say your toes
But I think it's your mind

All your children are poor
Unfortunate victims of systems beyond their control
A plague upon your ignorance
And the gray despair of your ugly life

Where did Annie go
When she went to town?
Who are all those creeps
That she brings around?

All your children are poor
Unfortunate victims of lies you believe
A plague upon your ignorance that keeps the young
From the truth they deserve

 

 

 

 

 

She had that Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was a Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
(Well)
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
(Well)
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

I chewed my way through her rancid panocha
She laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
And it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin'
(You know what that means.)

FZ: Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Norma Bell on alto sax, André Lewis on keyboards, little skinny Terry "Ted" Bozzio on drums, Roy Ralph Moleman Guacamole Estrada on bass. Thank you very much for coming to the concert. Hope you enjoyed it. And good night.

Crowd: Zappa! Zappa! Zappa! Zappa! . . .

I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
Oh, I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
Well, I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set

You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold

Yes!

I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

Crowd: Zappa! Zappa! Zappa! Zappa! . . .

She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago
His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato

She's in love with a boy
From the rodeo
Who pulls the rope on the chute
When they let those suckers go

He got slobberin' drunk at the Palomino
They give him thirty days in San Ber'dino

Well there's forty-four men
Stashed away in Tank "C"
But there's only one shower
But it don't apply to Bobby

You might think they're
Dumb an' lonely
But you're wrong
'Cause their love is strong
Stacked-up hair
An' a cheap little ring
They don't care
'Cause it don't mean a thing

Looka there . . .
They don't care

Best-est way that
They can feel-o
Out on the highway
Rollin' a wheel-o
He's her Tootsie
She's for real-o
Trailer park heaven
It's a real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o
Real good deal-o

The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino
Gonna spend the rest of their lives
Down in San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me
Down to San Ber'dino
60 miles, 60 miles
Down the San Ber'dino freeway
They got some dark green air
Choke all day
Fontana
They got some air

Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana, no no
Ain't talkin' 'bout
Ain't talkin' 'bout
Ain't talkin' 'bout
Ain't talkin' 'bout
Ain't talkin' 'bout
Ain't talkin' 'bout
Ain't talkin' 'bout the Redlands, no no no no no
Well
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on down to San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on down to San . . .

San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
San Ber'dino
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me down to . . .

Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on with me
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on with me
Come on with me
Come on with me

The rest of their lives
In San Ber'dino

Oh Bobby, I'm sorry you got a head like a potato
I really am

 

 

FZ: Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Norma Bell on alto sax, André Lewis on keyboards, Terry Bozzio on drums, Roy Ralph Moleman Guacamole Estrada on bass, Todd Rundgren on guitar. Thank you very much for coming to the concert. Hope you enjoyed it. And good night.