Halloween 81 Highlights

Thank you. Let me uh—

Okay. You look lovely tonight! Okay.

Okay. Okay. Wait, wait. I know he does. All right. As you all know, this is Halloween, the finest night of the year. And you are in the right place at the right time. Tonight's show— The first show is being videotaped and the second show goes out live via satellite, and will also be videotaped, and the whole thing—both shows and all the encores and everything—will be edited together to make one big thing later. So— So I hope that the cameras don't cause you any inconvenience. Please cooperate with them, don't give them any trouble, and we'll try and make the show go as smoothly as possible in spite of the fact that it's on TV, okay? Not— I can't sign everything all at once so I'll try—thank you—I'll try and get to it later.

Okay. These are Martian flowers? Wonderful! Well, we'll put these over here, here's a guy who would look good with 'em. Let me introduce you to everybody. This is Ray White on guitar and vocals. Tommy Mars on keyboards. Scott Thunes on bass. Chad Wackerman on drums. Ed Mann on percussion. Bobby Martin on keyboards. And our little Italian virtuoso, Steve Vai, on guitar and et cetera. You want me to spank him, is that the deal? Maybe later. He needs it!

All right. No, no, no. We gotta start the show now. You ready?

One, two, three!

I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set

You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we don't need you
Don't go for help . . . no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold

That's right, folks . . .
Don't touch that dial

Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

I am the slime from your video
Oozin' along on your livin' room floor

I am the slime from your video
Can't stop the slime, people, lookit me go

This girl is easy meat
I seen her on the street
See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress
Her manner indiscreet . . . I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

She wanna take me home
Make me sweat and moan
Rub my head and beat me off
With a copy of Rollin' Stone
I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

I told her I was late
I had another date
I can't get off on the Rollin' Stone
But the robots think it's great . . . I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy,
Easy, easy
Easy meat, easy meat, easy meat, easy meat

Easy
She's so easy
Easy
I saw her tiny titties
Through her see-through blouse
Just had to take the girl to my house
Easy

It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n dance around like . . .

So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits
'N Beatle Boots
'N a sign on the back of the car
'N we was ready to work in a Go-Go Bar

One two three four
Let's see if you've got some more!

People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n danced 'n made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again . . .

Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like . . .

Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
No no no doctor
Stick no needles in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
Got it from the toilet seat
Got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'N grabbed my meat
Got it from the toilet seat

My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Oh God I probably got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it hurt . . . when . . . I
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

His name is Stevie Vai,
And he's a crazy guy
Last November, I recall,
He needed a spanking

He decided then
A female specimen
Would be exciting for a night
To give him a spanking

Laurel was her name
She came to Notre Dame
He told me just the other day
He oughta be thanking
Her for the spanking

She was large and soft
And she beat him off
Made him drool upon his dork
And gave it a wanking
After the spanking

Hair brush!
Oh! What a hair brush!
(It's not that he requires grooming!
Guys with light blue hair never do!)

Then she did exclaim:
"There's another game
That we can play with this device,
And then a banana!"

It was slightly green
Vapors in between
Rising up to fill the room
And cook the banana

She said it was dry
"Stevie won't you try
To drool a little drool on it
And grease the banana"

Later in the dawn,
Laurel carried on
She got right up and dressed herself and
Ate the banana

Thank you! . . . Sing along!

Hob-noblin
Wit de goblin
De Goblin Girl
From da mystery world

Hob-noblin
Wit de goblin
She's black 'n green
'Cause it's Halloween

Raggedy black
Is the way she dress
Little green shoes
'N her hair's a mess
On Halloween night
At de costume ball
She's a Goblin Girl
An' she can gobble it all

She's a goblin
A Goblin Girl
She's a goblin
A Goblin Girl
I been hobblin'
'Cause of the Goblin
Goblin Girl . . . Goblin Girl

Some girls like
To dress like a witch
Some girls like to dress like a queen
Best way a girl
Can dress for me
Is in a Goblin Suit
(They look so cute . . . )

When she's a goblin
There ain't a problin
When she's a goblin
I start a-wobblin'
Pink all over
Some is tan
Goblin Girls
From every land
They look good
From any which-a-way
Every Halloween
You can hear me say:
"Goblin Girl, take it away . . . "

Hob-noblin
Wit de goblin
De Goblin Girl
From da mystery world
De Goblin Girl
From da mystery world
De Goblin Girl
From da mystery world
De Goblin Girl
From da mystery world

Ray White, Tommy Mars, Scott Thunes, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Bobby Martin, Steve Vai. Thanks for coming to the show. Hope you enjoyed it. Good night!

Thank you.

I been run down
Lord, 'n I been lied to
And I don't know why
I let that mean woman make me out a fool

She took all my money
'N wrecked my new car
Now she's with one of my good-time buddies,
Drinkin' in some cross-town bar

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'

My friends tell me
That I been such a fool
I have to stand back an' take it, babe
All for loving you

I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you've done
But nothin' seems to change;
That bad times stay the same,
And I can't run

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Oh, good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'

Lord
Lord, no
Yeah
Been tied down

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel
Like I been
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Tied to the whippin' post
Lawd-no-oooh!
Oh Lord Lord
Sometimes I fell like I'm dyin'

Hello. Thank you. A little pumpkin! How petite . . . Okay, listen, we gotta— We have to expedite matters here because we're on the air and it's time to go back to music. All right. Okay. You all tuned up? Snakes! Very nice.

Happy Halloween! Good night to our television audience!