Zappa '80—Mudd Club/Munich

FZ: All right. Now listen, this is, uh, gonna be a little bit difficult because of the amount of people and material crammed into this area here. We're gonna see what we can do to actually make music in this situation and uh . . .

Audience: "Who Needs The Peace Corps?"!

FZ: That's right! So the first thing we're gonna play is called "Chunga's Revenge." One, two, three, four . . .

FZ: Okay. Do, do the, do the rest of the show that goes along with this, you know, "Greasey" and so forth. Okay. Here's a song from the Joe's Garage album. It's called "Keep It Greasey." But first, let me, let me introduce you to everybody. This is Ike Willis. Tommy Mars. David Logeman. Arthur Barrow. Ray White.

Audience: And Frank Zappa!

FZ: Ready? Yeah, Frank Zappa.

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

Hey, the good women, they sure has it tough
The good men, well there just ain't enough
All the good girls are lookin' all the time
Good men is something that they can't find
'Cause if they find one miraculously
They try to be lovin' as they can be
'Cause if they find one and let him go
Chances are they might not never find one no mo'

So they keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

A good lovin' man is hardest to find
A good woman needs to ease her mind
I know a few that need to ease it behind
All y'gotta do is grease it down 'n everything is fine

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

A girl don't need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube'll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the North
Lube from the South
Take a little slobber
From the side of your mouth
(From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth)
Roll it over
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound . . .

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down
Down
Down
Grease it down . . .

Oh no! Here comes that screamin' sound again . . .

These executives have plooked the fuck out of me
And there's still a long time to go before I've
Paid my debt to society
And all I ever really wanted to do was
Play the guitar 'n bend the string like
Reent-toont-teent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee

I've got it
I'll be sullen and withdrawn
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm
Of my own secret thoughts
Lay here on my back here 'til dawn
In a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes
That would irritate
An executive kinda guy . . .

Well, I guess that one did the trick
If they only coulda heard it
Half-a-dozen of 'em woulda strangled
While they was suckin' on each other's dick
Yeah, but that was only a bunch of imaginary
Notes I played
Just a little extra somethin'
To keep me goin' from day to day
But that's okay
I'll be gettin' outta here pretty soon
Then I won't have to live
In this ugly fuckin' room

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now

Yeah, I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now

Outside now . . .

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now

Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny tiny blankets
Gonna keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' 'bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eats

City of tiny lites
Baby, you should know
That it's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere

You can see it any time
When you get the squints
From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver line-y
The great escape for all of you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny p— blankets, blankets
Gonna keep you warm, so warm
Tiny pillows, pillows, pillows
Tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' 'bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eats

City of tiny lites
Maybe you should know
And it's over there
Said, and it's over there
Said, and it's over there
Said, and it's over there

Audience: It's too loud!

FZ: Is it too loud?

Audience: No!

FZ: No?

Audience: No! . . . What? . . . Louder!

FZ: No, not louder.

Audience: It's too loud! It's too loud!

FZ: What's too loud?

Tommy:
No, you don't
No, you don't
No, you don't
You want me to wait for anything!

Audience: Too loud!

FZ: All right, I told you we were, we were gonna do our new, new dance set for you. Now, I can't tell how packed it is out there but I would be delighted to see some people dance to this song. Yeah, you can pony to it. It's a new song called "You Are What You Is." Ya ready?

FZ: One, two!

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
A cow don't make ham
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
("Saffiiiee!")
From Amos 'n Andy
("Holy mack'l dere! Holy mack'l dere!")
He tells you that chitlins
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
A cow don't make ham
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
Of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He traded his dashiki
("Uhuru!")
For some Jordache Jeans
He learned to play golf
An' got a good score
Now he says to himself
"I ain't no nigger no more!
Hey! Hey! Hey!"

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
A cow don't make ham
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
You are what you is
(No more)
An' that's all it 'tis
(No more)
You are what you is
(No more)
An' that's all it 'tis
(No more)
You are what you is
(No more)
An' that's all it 'tis
(No more)

FZ: All right, bring, bring the band on down behind me, boys. All right. This, this is also— It is also possible to dance to this if you use your imagination. The name of this song is "You Didn't Try To Call Me."

You didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home
I keep calling your name
And you
I need you so bad
You're the one, babe

Tell me, tell me
Who's loving you now
'Cause it worries my mind
And I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday
Just to wait for your call

And you didn't try to call me
Why didn't you try?
I'm so lonely
No matter who I take home
I keep calling your name
And you
I need you so bad
You're the one, babe

Tell me, tell me
Who's loving you now
'Cause it worries my mind
And I can't sleep at all
I stayed home on Friday
Just to wait for your call

I can't say what's wrong or what's right
La la-la-la la, la la-la-la la
All you've gotta do-do-do is call me, babe
La la-la-la la, la la-la-la la

You make me feel so excited, girl
I got so hung up on you
From the moment that we met
That no matter how I try
I can't keep the tears
From running down my face
I'm all alone at my place

You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me at all . . . didja?
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me at all . . . didja?
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me at all . . . didja?
You didn't try to call me
You didn't try to call me at all . . . didja?

Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to give away
I sit and laugh at fools in love
(Ha ha ha)
There ain't no such thing as love
(Ha ha ha)
No angels singing up above today

Girl, I don't believe
Girl, I don't believe in what you say
You say your heart is only mine
I say to you, you must be blind
What makes you think that you're so fine
That I would throw away
The groovy life I lead
'Cause, baby, what you got, yeah
It sure ain't what I need

Girl, you'd better go
Girl, you'd better go away
I think that life with you would be
Just not quite the thing for me
Why is it so hard to see my way

Why should I be stuck with you
It's just not what I want to do
Why should an embrace or two
Make me such a part of you
I ain't got no heart to give away
Away
Ain't got no heart
Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to give away

Love of my life
I love you so
Love of my life
Don't ever go
I love you only
Love, love of my life
(My love, love of my life)
(Love of my life)
Love of my life
(My love, love of my life)
(Love of my life)
Love of my life
Love of my life
Love of my life
Love of my life . . .

FZ: Hi, Jane, how are you doing? Okay, we're gonna go into another fast number now. Just so everybody knows what it is, it's "Easy Meat." Okay? And then you continue on from "Easy Meat" in the normal sequence of events. Ready?

This girl is easy meat
I seen her on the street
See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress
Her manner indiscreet
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat

She wanna take me home
Make me sweat and moan
Rub my head and beat me off
With a copy of Rollin' Stone
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat

I told her I was late
I had another date
I can't get off on the Rollin' Stone
But the robots think it's great
I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat

Easy
(She was so easy)
Easy
(I saw her tiny titties
Through her see-through blouse
Just had to take the girl to my house)
Easy
Meat

FZ: All right, now bring the band on down behind me, boys. We gotta make sure they hear the words to this song.

Hey . . .

FZ: No, wait a minute. Not yet. Let me tell you. The name of this song is "The Mudd Club." This is a song about the place in which you're now standing. Based on real events that actually took place here, performed by real denizens of the area, some of whom may be in the audience tonight, although we can't be sure.

Hey, they're really dancin'
They're on auto-destruct
On the floor
On the pipe
Bouncin' off-a the wall

Hey, the people here are really
Tearin' it up
On the side
In the back
By the front of the stage

They ain't really crazy
You can take it from me
I should know
'Cause I go
Every time I'm in town

If you never tried it
Lemme straighten you out
It's the best
Kinda place
To unfasten yerself

Mudd Club
There ain't no sign in the front
Mudd Club
There ain't no sign in the back
Mudd Club
Now people, if you don't go
Then you won't know
About the show
On the floor

FZ: Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you ever been down here in the early hours?

Mudd Club

FZ: When it's pretty empty, and you see these people— Well, you see these people, uh— You know those poles out there—I saw a guy run at that pole and stick to it for five minutes. I tried it this afternoon when we came in here, and it's very hard to do.

Mudd Club
It's all the way downtown
The Mudd Club
They ain't messin' around
Just turn to the left 'n look around
It's there somewhere
Well, if you ain't found it, better hurry up
'Cause the folks down there's on auto-destruct
And so can you be too
(The fact of the matter
It's made for you)

Try it on a Saturday about four o'clock in the mornin'
Or even on a Monday at midnight
When there's just a few of them
Fabulous Poodles
Doin' the Peppermint Twist for real
In a black sack dress with nine inch heels
And then a guy with a blue mohawk comes in
The bass player from The Plasmatics
In Serious Leather
At the Mudd Club

Al Malkin is here right now, ladies and gentlemen
Looking for a virgin with nice breath

FZ: Now— Now I told him earlier that we were gonna raffle him off. Where is he? Where? He's over there. Ladies and gentlemen, the, the, the pudgy guy with the curly hair . . .

Ike: Meatball!

FZ: . . . making a fool of himself against the wall—this is the guy that's looking for a virgin with nice breath. It doesn't matter whether you're a guy or a gal, he's all yours if you have nice breath and never did it before with anything other than furniture. Might be you, what are you talking about?

Hey, they're really dancin'
They're on auto-destruct
On the floor
On the pipe
Bouncin' off-a the wall

Hey, the people here are really
Tearin' it up
On the side
In the back
By the front of the stage

They ain't really crazy
You can take it from me
I should know
'Cause I go
Every time I'm in town

If you never tried it
Lemme straighten you out
It's the best
Kinda place
To unfasten yerself

While you work the wall
Work the floor
Work the pipe
In serious pain

Some take the Bible
For what it's worth
When it says that the meek
Shall inherit the Earth
Well, I heard that some sheik
Has bought New Jersey last week
'N you suckers ain't gettin' nothin'

Is Hare Rama really wrong
If you wander around
With a napkin on
With a bell on a stick
An' your hair is all gone
The geek shall inherit nothin'

You say yer life's a bum deal
'N yer kind of working the wall
Well, people, you ain't even got no kinda
Deal at all
'Cause what they do
In Washington
They just takes care of Number One
An' Number One ain't you
(No way!)
You ain't even Number Two

Those Jesus Freaks
Well, they're friendly but
The shit they believe
Has got their minds all shut
An' they don't even care
When the church takes a cut
Ain't it bleak when you got so much nothin'

(So whaddya do? Hey!)

Eat that pork
Eat that ham
Laugh till ya choke
On Billy Graham
Moses, Aaron 'n Abraham
They're all a waste of time
'N it's your ass that's on the line
(It's your ass that's on the line)
(That's right!)

Do what you wanna
Do what you will
Just don't mess up
Your neighbor's thrill
'N when you pay the bill
Kindly leave a little tip
And help the next poor sucker
On his one way trip
Some take the Bible . . .

FZ: "Joe's Garage."

It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n dance around like . . .

So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits
'N Beatle Boots
'N a sign on the back of the car
'N we was ready to work in a Go-Go Bar

People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n danced 'n made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again . . .

Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like . . .

Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I got it from the toilet seat
I got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'N grabbed my meat
Got it from the toilet seat

My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Oh God I probably got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it hurt . . . when . . . I
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

FZ: Tommy Mars, Ike Willis, David Logeman, Arthur Barrow, Ray White. Thanks for letting us play for you tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. And now, back to the real world. Quick! Turn the records on so these people can dance and have a good time!

Audience: Frank! Frank! Frank! More! Frank! More! Frank! Thank you!

FZ: Thank you! Do it, turn the records on.

Audience: No records! No records!

 

FZ: Hello! Welcome to the concert! Tonight featuring Ike Willis on guitar and vocals, Tommy Mars on keyboards, David Logeman on drums, Arthur Barrow on bass, Ray White on guitar and vocals. You ready? All right.

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

Hey, the good women, they sure has it tough
The good men, well there just ain't enough
All the good girls are lookin' all the time
Good men is something that they can't find
'Cause if they find one miraculously
They try to be lovin' as they can be
'Cause if they find one and let him go
Chances are they might not never find one no mo'

So they keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

A good lovin' man is hardest to find
A good woman needs to ease her mind
And I know a few that need to ease it behind
All y'gotta do is grease it down 'n everything is fine

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy

Roll it over 'n grease it down
I'll drive you through the heart of town

A girl don't need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube'll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the North
Lube from the South
Take a little slobber
From the side of your mouth
(From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth)
Roll it over
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound . . .

Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey so it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it down
(Down)
Down
(Down)
Down
(Down)
Grease it down . . .

Oh no! Here comes that screamin' sound again . . .

Why not come over?
You'll meet my mother
You'll meet my sister
You'll like my brother
Really you will

I'm learning English
I can say "thank you"
I think I like you
Do you like my band-aid?
I hope you do

I am not busy
I'm free to travel
Where are you going?
Maybe you'll take me
I hope you do

Do you know Vinnie?
He used to like me
I speak good English
I'm bathing with Peter
Pick me, I'm clean

Vinnie goes bare-back
Peter goes wet-back
Denny goes way back
Eddie should get back
Pick me, I'm clean

Oh yeah, pick me, I'm clean
Oh yeah, check out my band-aid
Oh yeah, pick me, I'm clean
Oh yeah, check out my band-aid
Oh yeah, pick me, I'm clean
Oh yeah, check out my band-aid
Oh yeah, pick me, I'm clean
Oh yeah . . .

Why not come over?
You'll meet my mother
You'll meet my sister
You'll like my brother
Really you will

I'm learning English
I can say "thank you"
I think I like you
Do you like my band-aid?
I hope you do

I am not busy
I'm free to travel
Where are you going?
Maybe you'll take me
I hope you do

Do you know Vinnie?
He used to like me
I speak good English
I'm bathing with Peter
Pick me, I'm clean

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Gonna keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' 'bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eats

City of tiny lites
Maybe you should know
That it's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere

You can see it any time
When you get the squints
From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver line-y
The great escape for all of you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightnin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Gonna keep, gonna keep, gonna keep you so warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' 'bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eats

City of tiny lites
Maybe, maybe you should know
That it's over there
Said, and it's over there
Said that it's over there
Said, and it's over there

 

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said, "I'm outa-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge
I could reach nervonna t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said, "You might not believe this, little fella
But it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said, hey . . .

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother
Don't you waste your time on me

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' cram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!," he said
An' held it on up to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
I told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' his pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I didn't need then to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around
I said, "The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just gone down"

Look here brother
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know
You could make more money as a butcher
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste it, don't waste your time on me)
(Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm shonty-ohm)

Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to give away
I sit and laugh at fools in love
(Ha ha ha)
There ain't no such thing as love
(Ha ha ha)
No angels singing up above today

Girl, I don't believe
Girl, I don't believe in what you say
You say your heart is only mine
I say to you, you must be blind
What makes you think that you're so fine
That I would throw away
The groovy life I lead
'Cause, baby, what you got, yeah
It sure ain't what I need

Girl, you'd better go
Girl, you'd better go away
I think that life with you would be
Just not quite the thing for me
Why is it so hard to see my way

Why should I be stuck with you
It's just not what I want to do
Why should an embrace or two
Make me such a part of you
I ain't got no heart to give away
Away
Ain't got no heart
Ain't got no heart
I ain't got no heart to give away

(Love of my life)

FZ: Thank you!

(Love, love of my life)
(My love, more than you know)

Love of my life
I love you so
Love of my life
Don't ever go
I love you only
Love, love of my life
(My love, love of my life)
(Love of my life)
(My love, more than you know)

Stars in the sky
They never lie
Tell me you need me
Don't say goodbye
I love you only
Love, love of my life

Stars in the sky
They never lie
Tell me you need me
Don't say goodbye
I love you darling
I love you only
Don't ever leave me
Don't make me lonely

Love of my life
I love you so
Love of my life
Don't ever go
I love you only
Love, love of my life
(My love, love of my life)
(Love of my life)
Love of my life
(Love of my life)
Love of my life
Love of my life
Love of my life
Love of my . . .

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
A cow don't make ham
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
("Saffiiiee!")
From Amos 'n Andy
("Holy mack'l dere! Holy mack'l dere!")
He tells you that chitlins
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
A cow don't make ham
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
Of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He traded his dashiki
("Uhuru!")
For some Jordache Jeans
He learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself
"I ain't no nigger no more!
Hey! Hey! Hey!"

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
A cow don't make ham
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

This girl is easy meat
I seen her on the street
See-through blouse an' a tiny little dress
Her manner indiscreet
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat

She wanna take me home
Make me sweat and moan
Rub my head and beat me off
With a copy of Rollin' Stone
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat

I told her I was late
I had another date
I can't get off on the Rollin' Stone
But the robots think it's great
I knew she was
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy, easy meat
Easy, easy
Easy, easy
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat
Easy meat

Easy
(She was so easy)
Easy
(I saw her tiny titties
Through her see-through blouse
Just had to take the girl to my house)
Easy
Meat

FZ: Thank you!

Hey, they're really dancin'
They're on auto-destruct
On the floor
On the pipe
Bouncin' off-a the wall

Hey, the people here are really
Tearin' it up
On the side
In the back
By the front of the stage

They ain't really crazy
You can take it from me
I should know
'Cause I go
Every time I'm in town

If you never tried it
Lemme straighten you out
It's the best
Kinda place
To unfasten yerself

Mudd Club
There ain't no sign in the front
Mudd Club
There ain't no sign in the back
Mudd Club
Now people, if you don't go
Then you won't know
About the show
On the floor
At the Mudd Club
That's right
(You don't know what I'm talking about, but check this out . . . )

The Mudd Club
It's all the way downtown
The Mudd Club
They ain't messin' around
Just turn to the left 'n look around
Because it's there somewhere
Well, if you ain't found it, better hurry up
Because the folks down there's on auto-destruct
And so can you be too
(The fact of the matter
It's made for you)

Try it on a Saturday about four o'clock in the mornin'
Or even on a Monday at midnight
When there's just a few of them
Fabulous Poodles
Doin' the Peppermint Twist for real
In a black sack dress with nine inch heels
And then a dude with a blue mohawk comes in
In Serious Leather
The bass player from The Plasmatics
(And all of the rest of whom for which
To whensonever of partially indeterminate
Bio-chemical degradation
Seek the path to the sudsy yellow nozzle
Of their foaming nocturnal
Parametric digital whole-wheat inter-faith
Geo-thermal terpsichorean ejectamenta)
Voodn!
In Serious Leather
This is the ejectamenta of Voodn!
(Voodn!)
In Serious Voodn!
Ejecte-mente
(Voodn!)
In Serious Voodn!
All the way downtown
Then they work the wall
Then they work the pipe
Then they work the floor
'N then they work the wall some more
In Serious Voodn!
In Serious Clothing
From when they come downtown
From the ruins of Studio '54
To twist 'n frug
In an arrogant gesture
To the best of what the 20th Century has to offer
At the Mudd Club

Yes, Al Malkin is down there right now
Looking for a virgin with nice Voodn!
(Maybe it's you
And you don't even know it!)

Hey, they're really dancin'
They're on auto-destruct
On the floor
On the pipe
Bouncin' off-a the wall

Hey, the people here are really
Tearin' it up
On the side
In the back
By the front of the stage

They ain't really crazy
You can take it from me
I should know
'Cause I go
Every time I'm in town

If you never tried it
Lemme straighten you out
It's the best
Kinda place
To unfasten yerself

While you work the wall
(Voodn!)
Work the floor
(Voodn!)
Work the pipe
(Voodn! Voodn!)
In serious pain

Some take the Bible
For what it's worth
When it says that the meek
Shall inherit the Earth
Well, I heard that some sheik
Has bought New Jersey last week
'N you suckers ain't gettin' nothin'
(Or Voodn either)

Is Hare Rama really wrong
If you wander around
With a Voodn/napkin on
With a bell on a stick
An' your hair is all gone
The geek shall inherit nothin'

(Voodn)
You say yer life's a bum deal
(Voodn)
'N yer kinda up against the wall
(Voodn)
Well, people, you ain't even got no kinda
(Voodn)
Deal at all
(Voodn)
'Cause what they do
(Voodn)
In Washington
They just takes care of Number One
An' Number One ain't you
(No way!)
You ain't even Number Two

Those Jesus Freaks
Well, they're friendly but
The shit they believe
Has got their minds all shut
An' they don't even care
When the church takes a cut
Ain't it bleak when you got so much Voodn/nothin'

(Or Voodn either)

Eat that pork
Eat that ham
Laugh till ya choke
On Billy Graham
Moses, Aaron 'n Abraham
They're all a waste of time
'N it's your ass that's on the line
(It's your ass that's on the line)

Do what you wanna
Do what you will
Just don't mess up
Your neighbor's thrill
'N when you pay the bill
Kindly leave a little tip
And help the next poor sucker
On his one way trip
Some take the Bible . . .
(Aw, gimme a half a dozen for the hotel Voodn!)

FZ: Thank you!

It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n dance around like . . .

So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits
'N Beatle Boots
'N a sign on the back of the car
'N we was ready to work in a Go-Go Bar

One two three four
Let's see if you've got some more!

People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n danced 'n made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
(Voodn)
We will never play again . . .

Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like . . .

Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I got it from the toilet seat
I got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'N grabbed my meat
Got it from the toilet seat

My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Oh God I probably got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it hurt . . . when . . . I
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

FZ: Ike Willis, Tommy Mars, David Logeman, Arthur Barrow, Ray White. Thanks for coming to the show. Good night! . . . Thank you! Thank you, thank you.

I don't know much about dancin'
That's why I got this song
One of my legs is shorter than the other
'N both my feet's too long
'Course now right along with 'em
Got no natural rhythm
But I go dancin' every night
Hopin' one day I might get it right
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I hear that beat, I jump outa my seat
But I can't compete, 'cause I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool

The disco folks all dressed up
Like they's fit to kill
I walk on in 'n see 'em there
Gonna give them all a thrill
When they see me comin'
They all steps aside
They has a fit while I commit
My social suicide
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
The beat goes on
But I'm so wrong
(Wrong!) (Wrong)
Well, the beat goes on
But I'm so wrong
(Yeah) (Wrong)
(No shit, eh.)
The beat goes on but I'm so wrong
The beat goes on but I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
The beat goes on 'n I'm so wrong
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
Dancin' fool
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Yowsa, yowsa, yowsa
Be commercial)

I got it all together now
With my very own disco clothes, hey!
My shirt's half open, t'show you my chain
'N the spoon for up my nose
I am really somethin'
That's what you'd probably say
So smoke your little smoke
'N drink your little drink
While I dance the night away
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(Dancin' fool)
I'm a
Dancin' fool
(He's a
Dancin' fool)

I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a
I may be totally wrong but I'm a fool-uh! (That's right!)
(Oh, girl!)

Say darlin', can I buy you a drink?
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Do you come here often?
And if so, why?
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Wait a minute, I've got it, you're an Italian!
What?
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Yer Jewish?
Love your nails
You must be a, oh, I don't know, a Libra perhaps
(Ki-ni-shinai!)
Your place or mine?

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp, I'm actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God, I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
Gonna get a good job 'n be real rich
(Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good job)

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' all across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God, I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady . . . I don't know which
(I wonder wonder, wonder wonder)

So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the Tower of Power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God, I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin' down
And my name is Bobby Brown

FZ: Watch me now because the name of this song is "Ms. Pinky."

I got a girl with a little rubber head
I rinse her out every night just before I go to bed
She never talk back like a lady might do
And she looks like she loves it every time I get through

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N, I cry
K-Y, don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try

Her eyes is all shut in an ecstasy face
You can cram it down her throat, people, any old place
Throw the little switch on her battery pack
You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N, I cry
K-Y, don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try

I got a girl with a little rubber head
Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed
She never talk back like a lady might do
And she looks like she loves it every time I get through

And her name is
P-I-N-K-Y
P-I-N, I cry
K-Y, don't be shy
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
$69.95, boy
Give her a try
$69.95, boy
Give her a try . . .

FZ: Ike Willis, Tommy Mars, David Logeman, Arthur Barrow, Ray White. Thanks for coming to the show. Good night.

$69.95, boy
Give her a . . .

FZ: Thank you.

FZ: One, two, three, four!

Fick mich, du miserabler Hurensohn
Fick mich, du miserabler Hurensohn
Streck aus deinem heißen gelockten
Streck aus deinem heißen gelockten
Streck aus deinem heißen gelockten Schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!

Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
(Magisches Schwein)
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
(Magisches Schwein)
Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!

Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
(Stick it out)
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Stick out yer hot curly weenie
Weenie . . .
Weenie, weenie, weenie!

Make it go fast
In and out
(Magical Pig)
Make it go fast
In and out
(Magical Pig)
Till it squirts, squirts, squirts, squirts
Fire
Till it squirts, squirts, squirts, squirts
Fire
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa

One more time!

FZ: Ike. Tommy. David. Arthur. Ray. Porky. Thanks for coming to the show. Good night!

FZ: All right, all right. Thank you.

Ike: Voodn!

FZ: Okay. This song was originally recorded in 1955 by Tony Allen, and released on the Specialty label. The name of this song is "Nite Owl." One, two, three, four!

Ooh, night owl
Ooh, night owl

Here come the night owl
Walking through the front door
Thought I told you, baby
I don't love you no more

Now you're trying to tell me
What a great big fool you've been
Yes, but it's all, all over
Yeah, yeah, hey, hey, oo-oo-ooh

I know
What you've been putting down
Yes, baby
Because the news is all over town

So long, night owl
Don't mean maybe
So long, night owl

So long, night owl
Be on your merry way
Be on your merry way
Be on your merry way
Be on your merry way
Be on your merry way
Be on your merry way . . .

Shoo-be-doo ba-ba-dah . . .

FZ: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the tragic true story of Michael Kenyon, the Illinois Enema Bandit!

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose

Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women
He'd just be tyin' 'em up
They'd be all bound down!
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news

Bloomington, Illinois
He has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
He's got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay

The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And then the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call-you-hoo! for the jury folks
Then the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
They'll drag in the bandit for all to see
Sayin', "Don't nobody, hey, have no sympathy
Hot soapy water in the first degree!"
And then the Bandit might say, "Why is everybody lookin' at me?"

Did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
One girl shout, "Let the fiend go free!"

Bandit, are you guilty?
Tell me, what's your plea?
Another girl shout, "Let the Bandit be!"

Bandit, are you guilty?
Tell me, did you do these deeds?
You know what he said?
"It must be just what they all need"
"It must be just what they all need"
"It must be just what they all need"
"It must be just what they all need"

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
"It must be just what they all need"
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
"It must be just what they all need"
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
"It must be just what they all need"
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
"It must be just what they all need"
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois
Illinois
Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana
Ain't talkin' 'bout Potato Headed Bobby
Talkin' 'bout the Illinois
Enema
Enema Bandit
Juice

FZ: Good night!