You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 2. The Helsinki Concert

Napoleon: Bill Romero, Bill Romero, what's the matter? Yessir [...] Romero, everybody gotta say . . .

Heh Heh Heh

George: Oh yeah!
Napoleon: It's a, it, it, it's about all the sunshine here in Fin . . . Fin . . . Finland. And all that kinda stuff that makes you wanna have a little . . .

Tush Tush Tush

George: And then I told her, I said, why don't you and me get together goin' up to my . . .
Napoleon: Wait a minute! What's that you pullin' outta your purse?
George: But she, she said . . .
Napoleon: Wait a minute, I said what?

Heh Heh Heh

George: Napoleon say he don't use them things and he ain't interested because . . .
Napoleon: Wait a minute, what's wrong with you anyway? What is that for, anyway? Ain't never seen nothin' like that in my life. Only thing I've seen looks to me like a little bitty ol' . . .

Tush Tush Tush

Napoleon: An' uh . . .
George: Except for that lady in ah, wherever it was . . . And ah . . .
Napoleon: Hey, wait a minute . . .
George: No, I ain't talkin' about . . . She gave everybody in the group about . . .
Napoleon: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute . . .
George: . . . twelve of them son-of-a-guns, an' I said, a black one, a pink one, and uh . . .
Napoleon: Wait a minute, every different color, and a color for . . .

Heh Heh Heh

Napoleon: I said, I can't use that stuff.
George: I told her I couldn't use 'em neither but she gave 'em . . .
Napoleon: I owned 'em for about six months and then I just threw 'em all all over Ruth's drums, but I think . . .
George: But then she said . . . bah, ha, ha, ha! Y'all is crazy!
Napoleon: It was nice and pretty though, the . . .

Heh Heh Heh

George: But Ruth said she wasn't gonna give up unless you all use some of them kfmr . . .
Napoleon: And she said after the show, Brian, all you have to do is come in to ring the bell at room three oh . . .

Heh Heh Heh Ha Ha Ha . . .

George: Oh yeah, oh yeah . . .
Napoleon: Armand said you guys better take some cheese up there in this room.

Tush Tush Tush

George: That's what I was tryin' to do last night when that that . . .
Napoleon: It's your protein and energy and slobberin' and stuff and jivin' and . . .
George: . . . wouldn't let me in the cotton pickin', stopped me from gettin' in the room, wouldn't let me in the hotel . . .
Napoleon: Wait a minute, I think I recognize that fella
George: Oh, I got a key to the . . .

Heh Heh Heh

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to our program tonight, which features Ruth Underwood on percussion . . .
George: Oh yeah, oh yeah . . .

Heh Heh Heh

FZ: Napoleon Murphy Brock on Tush Tush Tush, Chester Thompson on drums . . .
George: Oh yeah, oh yeah . . .
FZ: Tom Fowler on bass, and George Duke on keyboards.

Heh Heh Heh

FZ: And the name of the very first song that we're going to play tonight to you . . .

Squeak Squeak Squeak

FZ: Is "Stink-Foot."

(Hi, Ruth)
In the dark
(Wow)
Where all the fevers grow
(All night)
Under the water
(Water)
Where the shark bubbles blow
(Wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh)
In the mornin'
(Mornin')
By yer radio
(Radio!) (Get out of here!)
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
(Yeah, they do)
Ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you've been livin' gotta go?
Well, let me straighten you out
'Bout a little Russian restaurant I know
(Oh, yeah)
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people
It's right aroun' the corner!)
(Well . . . )

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Now scientists call this disease
Bromidrosis
(That's right!)
And well they should
(Sure 'nuff)
Even Napoleon knows that
(Ha ha ha ha!)
But us regular folks
Who might wear a tennis shoe
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience
By the name of
Stink Foot

Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girlfriend cry
"You got stink foot!
stink foot, darlin'
Your stink foot puts the hurts on my nose!
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
(No way!)
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"

Here Fido . . . Here Fido . . .
Here Fido . . . bring the slippers, little puppy
Yes, that's a good dog, yes!
"Arf, arf, arf!"
Sick . . .

FZ: And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a song for you about flying saucers. This song is going to be sung for you by George, and the name of the song is "Inca Roads."

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

George: Sure it would, but I ain't never seen no tush like that, I didn't know that was it . . .
Napoleon: Wait a minute! Don't put that stuff on my . . . Don't you ever wash that thing?

George: It was . . . tasted like a bunch o' anchovies, salty an' . . .
Napoleon: Wait a minute! Have you got it worked out now? Put it down there!
FZ: Suzi Quatro get in town, let's have a party tonight, yes indeed!

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park itself
(Park it . . . Park it)
Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land on Romero?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different

Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land

(Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth)

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill

On Ruth
On Ruth
That's Ruth

FZ: Thank you!

FZ: One, one, one, one!

We could share a love
(Oh yeah!)
We could share a love

We could share a love
(Everyday)
We could share a love

We could share a love
(All night long)
We could share a love
(Take a booger-bear with you)

We could share a love
(Oh baby)
We could share a love
( . . . get that little woman . . . in Manchester on TV . . . Wow! . . . Wow!)

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how the people stand it
But I guess they do
'Cause they're all still there
Even Johnny Franklin too
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you
You, well!

Little Mary, and Teddy, and Thelma too, now
Where Palmdale Boulevard
Cuts on through
Past the Village Inn, well, & Barbecue now, yeah
I heard it ain't there
Well I hope it ain't true
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?
Where the stumblers gonna go
To watch the lights turn blue?

Boogie boogie boogie boogie!

Goin' back home
To the Village of the Sun
Out in back of Palmdale
Where the turkey farmers run, I done
Made up my mind
And I know I'm gonna go to Sun
Village, good God I hope the
Wind don't blow

It take the paint off your car
And wreck your windshield too
I don't know how y'all people stand it
But I guess you do
'Cause you're all still there
In your thermal underwear
In the Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun
Village of the Sun, son
Sun Village to you
Brian boo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Brian boo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Brian boo
Hah hah hah hah!
What you gonna do?
Brian boo . . .

Yeah, yeah, hey, hey, yah!

Ladies and gentlemen
Watch Ruth!
All through our show
Ruth has been thinkin',
"Oh!
It sure is slippery
In the percussion section today
I hope I don't fall down and hurt myself"

Oh no, I don't believe it!

George: Get down, Chester . . .

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
By the doo-doo room with the reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite

Yeah, yeah, yeah . . .

Twylyte!
Oh, wait a minute
Don't spray that stuff in my eyes
Oh, wait a minute
All we're tryin' to do is to have a little party
Somebody told me Suzi Quatro was gonna be in the party
Make me wanna jump up and down in the air!

Honey, honey
Honey, honey
(Tush, tush)
Honey, honey
(Too young!)
Honey, honey
Wait a minute! Wow! Wow!
Wo-ah-aah-aaah-oooh-ooh!
(Say it again)
Wo-ah-aah-aaah-oooh-ooh!

Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Watch it!
Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, wow!

Gettin' down
Gettin' down
Gettin' down
What you're gonna do
When your time is up?
What you're gonna do
When your time is up?
Are you gonna take?
Are you gonna be?
I might just tell you please
Are you gonna say?
One thing
I wanna know
One thing, baby
I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna hold
I wanna hold
I wanna hold
I wanna hold
I wanna go
That's why I'm singin' WOW! You . . .

Right over there, there's a
Doo-doo room
Right upstairs there's a
Doo-doo room
Right out back here there's a
Doo-doo room
In Perellis' pocket there's a
Doo-doo room
Out at home there's a
Doo-doo room . . .

FZ: Hallo! Hello! Hello! Is this room service? Hello?
Napoleon: Hallo?
FZ: Is this room service at the Hotel Leningrad?
Napoleon: Oh, Ja-ha-ha! Jawohl! Now would you like the little . . . ? Mpf, Ja! This is room service
FZ: Look here, buddy
Napoleon: Yeas, what would you like?
FZ: Oh, I'm so hungry! You know, when you're a tourist and everything, and you travel around, you know, going to all the neat little shops and everything . . .
Napoleon: Ten marks, cost you ten marks
FZ: I'm so hungry!
Napoleon: This call is going to cost you ten marks
FZ: Ha ha . . .
Napoleon: You got to understand that in the fo . . . in the front
FZ: Look here
Napoleon: Everything cost ten marks
FZ: Ivan, listen
Napoleon: Ivan, that's me
FZ: Look
Napoleon: Jawohl!
FZ: You're going to sleep, you're going to sleep . . .
Napoleon: Ommmm . . .
FZ: I am so hungry, can you bring me something to eat, right away?
Napoleon: Bouillia . . . Bouilliabai?
FZ: No bouilliabai
Napoleon: Bouilliabai?
FZ: No boogie-a-bay
Napoleon: How's about boogie-the-bay?
FZ: No boogie-woogie-the-bay
Napoleon: How's about a fishie with the eye fallin' out?
FZ: Fish with . . . ? Hey, that sounds delicious!
Napoleon: Yeah, all right
FZ: Send me some fish with the eyes falling out
Napoleon: How about a little sand over it? That'll make it . . .
FZ: Sand on the fish, yes, a sand-fish
Napoleon: All right, that be ten marks
FZ: You have a sand-fish here?
Napoleon: Sand-fishie? The eye's ten marks. The fishie is forty
FZ: Hey! Hey, listen!
Napoleon: Jawohl!
FZ: The people in your country certainly are charming. You know where I can get some pussy?
Napoleon: Ah . . . ehem . . . wargh . . . this is very . . .
FZ: Never mind, look
Napoleon: This is very respectable hotel, you understand
FZ: Just send me up . . .
Napoleon: You try to bring pussy in here, we spray you with mace
FZ: Oh, well . . .
Napoleon: Right in the face!
FZ: Oh, well . . .
Napoleon: You no bring no pussy in the hotel!
FZ: Uh-huh, okay . . .
Napoleon: Who do you think we are anyway?
FZ: Well, I guess you told me . . .
Napoleon: Are you a Christian?
FZ: Am I . . . Yeah, I'm a Christian, sure! Isn't everyone?
Napoleon: Oh . . . okay, you can bring . . . Well you can bring some pussy in here if you're a Christian, that's different . . .
FZ: Sure, if I'm a Christian that means I get some pussy, right?
Napoleon: That's right, that's cool, if you're Christian
FZ: Okay
Napoleon: You also get bouilliabai with it
FZ: Yeah, hey, great! Look . . .
Napoleon: And the fish with the eye fallin' out
FZ: I want you to send me some pussy
Napoleon: One pussy
FZ: Some fish with the eyes falling out
Napoleon: One fishie with the eye falling out
FZ: Some bouilliabai
Napoleon: Some bouilliabai
FZ: And a Bible
Napoleon: And a what?
FZ: And a Gideon Bible
Napoleon: And it's a Gideon Bible, okay, we also'll bring you the Finnishian Bible
FZ: The Phoenician Bible?
Napoleon: No, the Finnian Bible, that go with the Gideon Bible
FZ: The Finnian Bible
Napoleon: The Finnian and the Gideon go together here
FZ: This is a terrible connection, I can hardly hear you, but look, buddy . . . can you please get that stuff up to my room in a hurry? I'm so hungry, you know?
Napoleon: We shall send it up by the Southern Pacific Railroad
FZ: Fast, ah?
Napoleon: That is very fast, so fast you can never know why, he wears the Southern Pacific on his hat, you know what they call him?

K, K, K, Kanzus
He goes downtown [...]
K, K, K, Kanzus
Got a big handlebar moustache
K, K, K, Kanzus
Always hear toot-toot [...]
K, K, K, Kanzus

Napoleon: You will also like to have a little wussy
FZ: Hello, hello, hello, room service?
Napoleon: Hallo?
FZ: Hey buddy!
Napoleon: You did not get your order?
FZ: No, listen, it's a . . .
Napoleon: You did, you were not pleased with the pussy?
FZ: You don't like Americans very much here, do you?
Napoleon: Did you . . . Oh, you American! That'll be twenty marks!
FZ: Yeah, twenty . . . right. Well, I don't care how much it costs, you know, just get it up to my room in a hurry because I'm so hungry
Napoleon: Well, you have to understand if they didn't bring it up there too fast it's probably because of the . . . the long summer that we had here, you see
FZ: You had a long summer and that's why it didn't . . . ?
Napoleon: We had a very long summer, about that fast
FZ: Uh-huh!
Napoleon: That's how long it was, like . . . uh . . . that
FZ: Now listen!
Napoleon: Wait a minute!
FZ: You get that food to my room right away
Napoleon: Room number?
FZ: Or I'm gonna call the American embassy!
Napoleon: What?
FZ: You mean what am I going to call them?
Napoleon: Why?
FZ: I'm going to call them a barrel of motherfuckers, that's what I'm gonna call them
Napoleon: What? Why? A barrel of who? Well I know who's gonna bring it up to you right away

Marty, Marty, Marty Perellis
You know it, George
Marty, Marty, Marty Perellis
[...] everybody
Marty, Marty, Marty Perellis
[...]
Marty, Marty, Marty Perellis

The idiot bastard son
The father's a Nazi in Congress today
The mothers's a hooker somewhere in L.A.

The idiot bastard son
Abandoned to perish in back of a car
Kenny will stash him away in a jar
The idiot boy!

Try and imagine
A window all covered in green
All the time he would spend
At the church he'd attend
Warming his pew

Kenny will feed him and Ronnie will watch
The child will thrive and grow
And enter the world
Of liars and cheaters and people like you
Who smile and think they know
What this is about

You think you know everything
Maybe so
The song we sing
Do you know?
We're listening

Try and imagine
A window all covered in green
All the time he would spend
All the colors he'd blend
Where are they now?

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
And then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good
Then I watched a movie
From Hollywood

Little Miss Muffet on a squat by me, yeah
Took a [s...] around, I said, Can y'all see now?
The little strings on the Giant Spider?
The Zipper From The Black Lagoon?
The vents by the tanks where the bubbles go up?
And the flaps on the side of the moon

The jelly and paint on the 40 watt bulb
They use when the slime droozle off
The rumples and the wrinkles in the cardboard rock, yeah
And the canvas of the cave is too soft

The suits and the hats and the tie's too wide
And too short for the scientist man
The chemistry lady with the roll-away mind, yeah
While the monster just ate Japan

Ladies and gentlemen
The monster
Which the peasants in this area call Frenchie
(A very large poodle dog)
Has just been seen approaching the airport
Bullets can't stop it
Rockets can't stop it
There's no way we can let it go through customs tonight!

Got a great big heavy thing
Got a great big hairy thing
(Yes, he does!)
Got a great big heavy thing
Got a great big hairy thing

Got a great big heavy thing
Got a great big hairy thing
Got a great big heavy thing
Got a great big hairy thing
(Look out!)

This mornin', this mornin'
When I ordered some breakfast
I told them to bring me three eggs
And they brought me three dozen, yeah, yeah, yeah

I opened up the bartender in my room
To look outside
Big old black cloud
Hooverin' over, fillin' the side

Soon I could see
A big old horrible mountain (well!)
Big old monster climbing over
(Might shoot . . . )
Trying to get somewhere
I think his name was Frenchie (well . . . )
I think his name was Frenchie
Frenchie, hey-hey
Frenchie, hey-hey
Frenchie, hey-hey

Somebody said, "Look out!"
(Might shoot something)
Somebody said, "Hey!" (well!)
Before we leave just a little bit a longer
A big old hairy poodle
(Well, might shoot something on ya)
Comin' to get ya
Tryin' to spout something on ya
I wonder what it was
I said I wonder what it was
I said wow!

A big old white and milky substance (might shoot something)
Comin' at ya (well)
A big old white and milky substance (at ya)
Comin' at ya
Look out for the hairy poodle
It might shoot somethin' on ya (ay!)
Look out for the hairy poodle (well)
It might shoot somethin' on ya (well)
Look out for the hairy poodle (hairy)
It might shoot somethin' on ya (hairy)
Look out for the hairy poodle (hairy)
It might shoot . . . look it here (hairy)

Follow me
And go to the shelter
Follow me
And go to the shelter

Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter

Go to da shelter
My baby, my baby
Go to da shelter
Go to da shelter

Can y'see it at all
Can y'see it from here
Can y'laugh till yer weak on yer knees
If you can't, I'm sorry 'cause that's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Wah, the booger-booger)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Wah, the shooter-booger)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Look out, the Chesterbooger)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
(Cheaper the better)
Baby, I'm sorry 'cause it's all I wanna know
I need a little more cheepnis . . .
(Take a booger home with you)

FZ: One two, one two three four

FZ: All right, that's the melody, now, here it is with the mouth, as performed at Eeva's wedding . . . Come on Ruth, come on! Ah, come on Ruth, sing along, come on Ruth, harmonize with him . . . A-ren-ne-henna . . . Okay. Achtung! One two, one two three four

Simmons funky
What are wondering about
(It's a hit!)
Chester!
. . . shoe
Chester
(Suzi)
Singin'
(Quatro)
Funky
Ruthie-Ruthie
. . . teeth
(Take the towels
We want you to take them to your country
No, don't pay us for the towels
We insist
Towels . . .
Suitcase . . .
Get it through customs for her)

FZ: And now, here is way number three: With the feet! Hey! It's so modern . . . Can't have any of that!

FZ: Later on we'll have a dance-contest and some lucky member of the audience will win a quart of Finnish champagne! Ha ha!

George: That's a good . . . That's a good . . .
FZ: Just wanna see how long . . . Right! Okay . . . Ha ha ha! All right, now here it is, all the way through . . . So exhilarating
Guy In The Audience: "Eric Dolphy Memorial Barbecue"!
FZ: Hey! That's a good idea, isn't it?
Another Guy: This guy has ESP!

FZ: Thank you! Thank you very much. Thank you, and thank you. And thank you some more, and thank you very much, and thank you, and thank you . . . KIITOS! Thank you, and thank you . . .

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, the name of this song—seeing as how we are CONFRONTED with a partial, how shall we say, language barrier here, we don't wanna press the issue too much folks, but, the chances of you figuring out what he's going to say during this song are NIL. So what we're gonna do is: We're gonna play this instrumental tune, see, that starts off real easy, you know, it's very light, and then builds up to an orgasmic frenzy a little bit later on. Hey, I knew you'd enjoy that. Some servicemen here in the audience tonight, I'm sure. This song, we're gonna start off so light that George doesn't even know about it—get your finger cymbal, George . . .
George: Yeah . . .
FZ: Whoops! The name of this song, folks, is "Dupree's Paradise." It always starts off with George playing the finger cymbal. He hits it with a little stick and then, when nobody expects it, he hits his finger and hurts himself!
George: Aaaah!
FZ: Do it again, George!
George: Ooh, ah-hm-ugh . . .
FZ: Yes! More, George!
Napoleon: Don't hurt me, Dupree! Don't hurt me, Dupree!
FZ: Hurt yourself, George
George: . . . unusual last night
FZ: Pain, George!
George: Ooof!
FZ: Oh! That's it! That's it!
Napoleon: Don't hurt me, Dupree! Don't hurt me, Dupree!
FZ: Yes, now build them up to a frenzy! Hurt yourself again, George
George: Ouch! Mmpf!
FZ: Play the piano, George
Guy From The Audience: Thank you so much!
FZ: The Modest Mussorgsky Songbook presents . . .

George: Come back here!

George: And then it happened! Don't know what it was . . . I could hear it comin' . . . next door . . . It was a bass player playin'. What was he doin'? He sounded funny to me, though . . . What's this fool playin' at eight o'clock in the mornin'? I was tryin' to sleep and this fool next door playin' his thing and all night long Ruth was talkin' 'bout . . . heh-heh heh-heh . . . I can't get no sleep at all, ladies comin' out in the hall talkin' 'bout . . . SHUT THAT TAPE RECORDER OFF! You know it's true!
FZ: Rikki, don't lose that number . . . You don't wanna lose that number, Rikki . . . Hey Ruth, d'you have any Suzi Quatro cassettes?
George: I said, "Ruth, tell Ian to quit playin' the bass clarinet." But she said, "I like it! Well, specially when it's close to me." She said she likes to feel the vibrations next to her, er, uh . . . I said, "Well, what does he do?" And she, and she said, "He plays that . . . and then, and, and, and, and, and then it, ah, ah . . ."
FZ: "Harlem Nocturne," take one
George: "Ah, ah, he breaks, he breaks into a chorus of . . . I said, "Good God!" I said, "But, but, there's such a thing as (come back on here) boogie." And, we do that in Montana. And, er, uh . . . heh-heh . . . he goes like this, heh-heh-heh, y'all, it's crazy!

FZ: Excuse me, ah . . . ah, excuse me, Yankee dog? Ah, Amerikanischer Schwein? Excuse me, would you mind opening your suitcase, please?
Napoleon: Jawohl! I am from immigration
FZ: Yeah!
Napoleon: What country are you from?
FZ: Ah, would you please explain to me what you're doing with these towels in your suitcase?
Napoleon: Towels? What towels? Oh, you'll see, you'll understand, you see, I . . . I . . .
FZ: Don't tell me the same thing that Suzy Cohen told me the last time she came into this country. Don't tell me that the hotel said, "Please, take these back!"
Napoleon: We tried to pay for them!
FZ: "Take these back with you"
Napoleon: We tried to offer them money
FZ: Don't tell me you tried to pay for the towels
Napoleon: We offered them, ah, marks, we offered them, ah . . .
FZ: No . . . You Americans simply cannot be trusted
Napoleon: . . . Quatro
FZ: And it won't do you any good to call Herb, either
Napoleon: We offered them, ah . . .
FZ: You are under arrest. Hands up!
Napoleon: No! Not in this country! If I dance would you let me go
FZ: Later that night . . . the towels . . . the mysterious towels . . . the towels of destiny . . . Suzy's towels . . .

FZ: We have now a special request. No, you'd better leave the lights on on stage 'cause we have to read this music, we've never played it before

Napoleon: Bouilliabai, bouilliabai, bouilliabai . . . Stroganoff, bouilliabai . . . Here we go . . .

Aavan meren tuolla puolen jossakin on maa,
missä onnen kaukorantaan laine liplattaa.
Missä kukat kauneimmat luo aina loistettaan,
(Good God, ain't if funky now!)
siellä huolet huomisen voi jäädä unholaan.

Oi jospa kerran sinne satumaahan käydä vois,
niin sieltä koskaan lähtisi en linnun lailla pois. (Pois?)
Vaan siivetönnä en voi lentää vanki olen maan,
vain aatoksin mi kauas entää sinne käydä saan.

Olen! Olen! Stroganoff! Stroganoff! Olen Stroganoff!

Hey!

 

 

 

Roger Bennett: "Whipping Post"!
FZ: Say that again please.
Roger Bennett: "Whipping Post"!
FZ: "Whipping Post"? Ok, just a second . . . (Do you know that?) Oh sorry, we don't know that one. Anything else? Hum me a few bars of it, please, just show me how it goes, please. Just sing, sing me "Whipping Post" and then maybe we'll play it with you.
Roger Bennett: Ooh-ooh-ooh . . .
FZ: Thank you very much. And now . . . Judging from the way you sang it, it must be a John Cage composition, right? Here we go, "Montana." One, two, one, two, three, four . . .

I might be movin' to . . .

FZ: Hold it! Hold it! We can't possibly start the song off like that! Good God! That's inexcusable! What happened to you last night?
Napoleon: George has a tape of it.
FZ: George has a tape of it? Okay, we'll use that in the second show. Ready? "Montana" . . . Wait a minute, "Whipping Post." No, "Montana." One, two, one, two, three, four . . .

FZ: It's too fast for you? One, two, one, two, three, four . . .

I might be movin' to Helsinki soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
Tying it to the Whipping Post
In the middle of town

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post

Raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post
Raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post

(Well) Well I just might grow me some thongs
But I'd leave the heavy stuff
To somebody else
How 'bout Chester?
And then I would

Get a person
Tie him up
To the Whipping Post
And beat the living shit out of him
So that guy in the audience was satisfied

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Whipping Post Floss

Movin' to Montana soon (well . . . )
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(How unique!)
(Whip! Whip!)
Movin' to Montana soon (now . . . )
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(Yes, it's such a ballad at this tempo)

Napoleon: Little booger-bear . . . Boogers everywhere . . .
FZ: And now for the thrilling conclusion of that song . . .

FZ: Ruth Underwood on percussion, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax, lead vocals and exotic dancing, Chester Thompson on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, George Duke on keyboards. Thank you very much for coming to the concert. Hope you liked it. Goodnight!